FBI Raid Magician David Copperfield’s House
FBI Raid Magician David Copperfield’s Warehouse
Earlier today the FBI raided the warehouse of
world-famous magician and illusionist David Copperfield.
To honour this occasion, I’ve written a rap song about it.
So pretend I’m a gangsta rapper and here we go:
Does George Dubya Bush believe in pie in the sky?
let me ask you somethin’, do winged birds fly?
This Patriot Act legislation got to work
who you callin’ Dick Cheney a jerk?
You’re a traitor
anarchist agitator
should be fed to an alligator.
The authorities in power they protecting us
soon you’ll be strip searched boardin’ a bus
what’s the latest we do to defend the homeland
check those boys wearin’ the FBI brand
They’ve raided David Copperfield’s warehouse
and not because the agent in charge be a drunken souce.
No, they’ve had it on good authority that people disappear and reappear
Justice Department ask, don’t you think that’s queer?
Some people this guy do saw in half
he can also make vanish a gir-affe
as well as elephant and Lear jet
looks like we ain’t seen nothing yet.
Made the Statue of Liberty go poof!
He’s got guillotines under his roof.
So the FBI has got the evidence
amidst all this birdcage pestilence
oops! the evidence has disappeared like magic
we got to say that’s somewhat tragic
wonder what else he has under his sleeve
causing the U.S. Justice Department to grieve!
THE END.
-A rap song written by Christopher aka Dracul Van Helsing on October 19th, 2007
Poem About Marion Jones
The following is a poem I wrote recently about
disgraced Olympic sprinter Marion Jones:
Marion Jones has lost her phones
and her medals to boot
cheating with drugs leaves you in a mess
worse than chimney soot.
-written by Christopher aka Dracul Van Helsing, October 9th, 2007.
Styx and Stones and U.S. Currency
Styx and Stones and U.S. Currency
It was the year 2020
the wine was flowin’ aplenty
in a taverna in Greece
called The Golden Fleece
and former VP Dick Cheney
who some said had no brain-ey
was downing wine by the jugload
when he accidently drank a toad
whose skin to the taste was venom
it couldn’t be washed down with a lemon.
So despite it being a toad
Cheney lay in the middle of the road
and like a frog he croaked
while passers-by smoked.
Said one silver-haired Greek
who was a mythology geek
better find a silver dollar
before anyone can holler
I’ll put it in Mr. Cheney’s mouth
before they bury him- due south.
A coin in the mouth you see
was payment on the fer-ry
that Charon steered across the river Styx
an eerie place- it wasn’t the Ritz
in the underworld of Hades
no secret service or maid-ies.
Cheney was now just another guy
wanting to reach an Elysian sky
but when Charon saw a US dollar
he laughed and adjusted his collar
don’t you know you old bore
thanks to your Iraq war
The deficit soared out of control
The economy collapsed
don’t you know?
Here U.S. currency is no go.
And so Cheney stood on the shore
As Charon sailed with Al Gore
who had wisely picked up a Euro
off the floor.
-written by Christopher aka Dracul Van Helsing, October 5th, 2007
Sonia: Ravana In Female Form?
Sonia: Ravana In Female Form?
The Italian bimbette stood on the Indian Ocean seashore
at the site of Ram Setu.
Munching 5 pizzas and 5 bowls of spaghetti and wondering how
she was able to do it, she was shocked to discover that she had 20
arms instead of two.
She went over to look at her reflection in the salt water
and screamed.
She discovered that she now had 10 heads.
The Italian airheads looked along the coast and saw
a beautiful maiden.
“Sita,” she screamed and grabbed the maiden, “I shall now
take you to Sri Lanka and Ram won’t be able to get you again
since I’ll have torn his bridge out.”
The pizza-eating bimbo cackled hysterically and with her 10
heads and 10 mouths, she sounded like an American heavy
metal band.
At that moment, Ram approached in a motor boat driven
by Hanuman.
“Ram,” the 10-airheaded Italian bimbette screamed, “but how’s that
possible? The Archeaological Survey of India signed an affidavit with
the Supreme Court saying you don’t exist.”
“Well if I don’t exist,” Ram smiled, “then you’d better see a psychiatrist
for chatting to imaginary non-existent beings.”
Ram fired an arrow at the modern-day Ravana’s heart and although
this modern-day Ravana didn’t have a heart, it destroyed the notebook
containing all the passwords to this modern day Ravana’s Swiss bank
accounts.
The modern-day Ravana screamed and dove into the Palk Strait
(or was it the Gulf of Mannar?) and drowned herself.
Dracula’s Profile On Facebook…
by nicekudi [ 23, F, Delhi ]
My slam book……
Nike name_______?
Date of birth______?
Hobbi_____?
Like_____
islike_______?
est food_______?
Best movie_______?
Best friend_______?
Best cloth_________?
Tusday hitttttt
Posted on: August 06, ‘07
| by DraculVanHelsing Nike name_ Barefoot. I boycott Nike products. Date of birth: Sometime in the 1400s in Transylvania. Hobby: Turning into a bat and flying into the bedrooms of beautiful women. Like: Well I like something to drink… but… I don’t drink… wine (this latter statement said in a Bela Lugosi style voice). Is like: Red in colour. Best food: Hungarian blood sausage. Best movie: Anyone featuring me Dracula. Best friend: Definitely not Van Helsing. Best cloth: Wash cloth when I spill something. Posted on: August 07, ‘07 |
Will Paris Hilton Do The Jailhouse Rock At Home?
So here’s my opinion of the possibility that Paris Hilton will do the jailhouse rock at home:
http://draculvanhelsing.journalspace.com/?cmd=displaycomments&dcid=571&entryid=571
The Beijing Olympics
August 1, 2008 at 12:27 pm (Commentary, Humour, Poetry, Satire)
The Beijing Olympics
by DraculVanHelsing
I am great! How are you?
Hope you’re not feeling blue!
A new month begins today.
Olympics will be underway.
At Beijing the world will watch
but not Britney Spears exposing her crotch.
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