The Ballad of The Demon Moloch Possessed Were-Zomb-ire
Under the dance of the stars of celestial fire
demon Moloch possessed the body of Were-Zomb-ire
and flying on bats’ wings he flew to Rome
and came within sight of Saint Peter’s Dome
then he encountered the Guards Swiss
embracing them with a deadly kiss
they fell to the ground
without a single sound
their flesh melted in the air
a sight of unholy terror
then he walked through the Vatican garden
hoping to encounter Benedict in the bargain.
To be continued.
If The Were-Zomb-ire Could Write Poetry
Blood baths are good for you
to bathe in blood is where it’s at
burnt flesh and twisted limbs
ripped apart at the door
a menagerie of blood and gore
Death and destruction all around
New World Order’s despotic crown
Change is acomin’
it’s the demonic Spring
with Sauron Lord of the Ring
autumn moon is rising all blood red
looks like motorcyclist lost his head
Moloch’s a headin’ to Assisi
he ain’t bringin’ no Virgin Chi Chi
Kill! Kill!
Let’s get our fill
Death is our ecstasy pill.
- A poem written by Dracul Van Helsing
Friday evening October 21st 2011.
The Mysterious Drip
Drip, drip, drip.
What was that dripping sound coming from the hotel room above him?
Ever since he had returned back to his hotel room, he had heard that dripping sound.
He phoned the desk downstairs.
No answer.
Hm, maybe he should walk down to the desk in person.
No, he’ll just walk up to the hotel floor above him and knock on the door of the room above him.
When he walked up to the floor above him, he noticed the door of the room directly above him was open.
He walked into the room.
There impaled on the ceiling with coat hangers was an elderly couple who dripped blood on to the floor.
The man picked up the phone in the room and once again tried phoning the desk.
Still no answer.
The man ran downstairs to the main floor.
He approached the desk, peered over it and noticed the hotel clerk had been torn to shreds on the floor.
The man went into shock.
A previous guest who was unregistered had already checked out of the hotel (without paying) half an hour before.
The Were-Zomb-ire.
To be continued.
London At Midnight
On the streets of London town
Were-Zomb-ire prowls around
Headless Motorcyclist rides the street
with no head and two left feet
he runs people down
can’t stop for half a crown
quite the terror this Halloween
more horror than ever seen.
-A poem written by Dracul Van Helsing
Monday evening October 17th 2011.
The Ripper’s Mind of The Were-Zomb-ire
The brain of Jack The Ripper had gone missing
among the venomous snakes hissing
in the lab
that’s so fab
and belongs to the Vampire Set
who has a cobra for a pet.
Renfield had found the brain you see
while drinking Orange Pekoe tea
he put it in the head of his Were-Zomb-ire
the creature that made London streets so dire.
The Ripper’s brain guides the creature
and as a bonus feature
it has werewolf, zombie and vampire DNA
now on Earth there is Hell to pay.
-A poem written by Dracul Van Helsing
this ghoulish Friday night, October 14th 2011.
17 more days until Halloween.
The Nun Who Danced To Judas
Sister Agnes stood in the hallway of the orphanage and looked at the statue of Jesus with His Sacred Heart.
The nun was standing in spiked stiletto high-heels which was unusual for a nun of her order.
She reached down and ripped the bottom part of her robe from her ankle up to her pelvis.
She ripped it on both sides this way.
The rips exposed black silk nylons that she was wearing underneath her robe.
She then started to dance in front of the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus.
She danced and she sang.
She sang,
I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.
She spun around on her stilettos and her nun’s robe whirled like a belly dancer’s dress as she sensuously moved her arms back and forth.
She approached the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus and kissed it on the lips with her ruby rouge red lipstick lips.
She sang,
I wanna love you,
But something’s pulling me away from you…
She then turned her back on the statue and embraced nothing but air in her arms as she sang,
Jesus is my virtue…
She then opened her eyes which she had closed and her eyes seemed to be looking at something that she was embracing but would have appeared invisible to any other observer that might have been standing in the hallway.
She sang as she embraced the nothingness she caressed in her arms,
And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to
She then opened the door and entered the room where all the young children were sleeping in the orphanage.
She lifted her robes and pulled a huge butcher knife from a black lingerie garter belt tied around her right knee.
She then went from bed to bed quickly slitting the throats of all the children- baby, toddler, boy, girl, 6-year-old, 7-year-old.
Each time she slit a throat, she’d click her heels together and sing,
I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.
She then left the nursery after she had slain all the children, threw the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus in the hallway to the floor and broke it as she sang,
Jesus is my virtue…
She then went running outside the orphanage into the garden where a tall dark haired handsome stranger waited by the fountain whose top was a cherubic angel with an arrow.
The very beautiful 30-year-old nun went running into the arms of the tall dark haired handsome stranger and kissed him passionately on the lips.
She then caressed his neck and embraced him tightly singing,
And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to
As she did so, she kissed him on the cheek oblivious to the fact that the tall dark haired handsome stranger was now turning into a red reptilian thing with bat like wings and clawed talons and spiked tail.
The thing burst into flames turning Sister Agnes into flames with it.
A two-year-old who had escaped the slaughter in the nursery by hiding under the bed poked his head out from under the bed and said in baby talk,
Ga-Ga, Ga-Ga.
The End.
-A short story written by Christopher Van Helsing
Sunday evening June 19th 2011.
Renfield’s Music Video- The Killing of Natalia
Dracul Van Helsing had been invited to a meeting with Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording.
“Thank you for coming, Mr. Van Helsing,” the record exec shook the vampire hunter’s hand, “I thought I would see you while that insidious individual Renfield R. Renfield still lies in a coma in a hospital here in London.”
“I understand he kidnapped and held your pet cat, Oysterella hostage last year,” the vampire hunter stated sympathetically.
Oysterella jumped up on Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s lap and started purring.
“Yes, and my poor pussy has never been the same, have you?” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell started stroking Oysterella.
“You brought me here to see something?” Van Helsing asked.
“Yes, you may have heard that Renfield R. Renfield occasionally flies out to California to make hard-core porn videos,” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell straightened his wire-rimmed glasses.
“Yes, so I’ve heard,” Van Helsing nodded, “I also understand he freelances hard-core interrogation techniques on terrorist suspects for both the CIA and Scotland Yard.”
“Yes, they say he was the one who finally broke the camel’s back in the hunt to find Osama bin Laden’s whereabouts last summer,” sniffed Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell.
“Yes, it’s my understanding that the particular suspect he was questioning Abdullah bin Mohammed was somewhat of a pervert as any Arabic ruler of Masons posing as a lapsed Seventh Day Adventist would be,” Van Helsing sat down, “and the said Abdullah bin Mohammed really loved his camel in more ways than one. He would gladly walk more than a mile for his camel to paraphrase old cigarette ads of mid-20th century America. And so when Renfield broke his camel’s back which meant no more humping between Abdullah bin Mohammed and his camel, that’s when the said bestial pervert broke down and finally revealed the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden’s hideout in the compound near the Pakistani military base at Abbottabad. And the rest as they say is history.”
“What’s become of Abdullah bin Mohammed now?” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell asked.
“I believe he’s currently a would-be serial killer with his own blog where he writes down his rambling incoherent pseudo-intellectual idiocies that only appeal to nutty female New Agers who are very much into New Age psychobabble and alleged self-esteem and self-improvement preaching,” Van Helsing replied.
“Oh, one of those,” Heathcliff sniffed.
“You said you have something to show me?” Van Helsing again asked.
“Yes, I was told that Renfield R. Renfield played a huge part in the scripting and making of this rather disturbing music video, I was wanting you to watch it and tell me what you think of it,” said Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell, “I suppose you’ve heard of Monarch programming?”.
“The programming and brainwashing techniques that were developed by the Nazi SS in the late 1930s and then later adapted by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency in several infamous brainwashing experiments of the 1950s?” Van Helsing queried.
“That’s right,” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell nodded, “I think our friend Renfield R. Renfield seems to be an expert in this area of Monarch programming.”
Summoning The Ghost of Alexander VI The Borgia Pope
Having summoned Hitler’s ghost in Berlin the night before, Herr Hans flew to Rome the following day (Sunday, May 1st 2011) to perform his own little ceremony in opposition to Pope Benedict XVI’s beatification of Pope John Paul II.
At the same time as Benedict was beatifying John Paul, Herr Hans was at the tomb of the Borgia Pope Alexander VI in the Church of Santa Maria in Monserrato degli Spagnoli in Rome.
He was using the same Druidic book of black magic spells with which he had summoned Adolf Hitler’s ghost to summon the ghost of Rodrigo Lanzol Borgia (January 1st 1431- August 18th 1503) known to history as the notorious and infamous Pope Alexander VI (who reigned as Pope from August 11th 1492- August 18th 1503).
As the Church bells of Rome tolled at the announcement of John Paul II”s beatification, the ghost of Rodrigo Lanzol Borgia (Pope Alexander VI) appeared to a smiling Herr Hans.
Behind Borgia’s ghost was a horned figure who spoke the same words that Giovanni di Lorenzo de’ Medici (later Pope Leo X) spoke at the time of Rodrigo Lanzol Cardinal Borgia’s election as Pope Alexander VI,
“Now we are in the power of a wolf, the most rapacious perhaps that this world has ever seen. “
Above the tomb of Alexander VI, these words were burned in the air (a paraphrase of the second sentence of Giovanni di Lorenzo de’ Medici’s statement upon Borgia’s election as Pope Alexander VI),
“And citizens of Urbi et Orbi (the city and the world) if you do not flee, he will inevitably devour you all.”
To be continued.
Summoning Hitler’s Ghost On Walpurgis Night
Herr Hans was an Osiris-worshipping Roman Catholic priest.
Although according to certain extremist anti-Catholic Protestant Fundamentalist sects, all Roman Catholic priests were really Osiris worshippers.
Nevertheless Herr Hans was one who really did worship Osiris.
He worshipped the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris and anxiously looked forward to Osiris’ return to Earth from a planet orbiting the star Sirius in 2012 (where Osiris had been exiled as a result of a powerful black magic spell cast on him by his brother the ancient Egyptian vampire Set millenia ago).
Tonight Herr Hans was in Berlin, Germany at the site where Hitler’s bunker had been located.
Tonight Herr Hans was using an ancient Druidic black magic spell to see if he could raise Adolf Hitler’s ghost.
It was 66 years ago today- the date of Walpurgis Night (an important festival on the calendar of the old ancient Germanic pagan religion) that Adolf Hitler had committed suicide with Eva Braun in the Bunker as Soviet troops advanced on the Nazi capital of the Third Reich.
The reason Herr Hans was trying to raise Hitler’s ghost was because of Herr Hans’ love and worship and adoration of Earth mother goddess Gaia.
Dear Mother Earth couldn’t afford to have six billion people living on her according to Herr Hans’ reasoning and that of some of his fellow elitists.
The optimum population for the living organism Gaia was 1 billion people.
Hence 5 billion people would have to go.
And thus Herr Hans’ reasoning as to why Hitler’s ghost should be summoned and brought back from the dead.
It wasn’t because Herr Hans was racist.
He wasn’t.
After all, racism was politically incorrect in Herr Hans’ reasoning.
Herr Hans wouldn’t say that racism was inherently morally wrong because Herr Hans was a moral relativist and didn’t believe in such things as right and wrong or good and evil.
Herr Hans was like Nietzsche’s ubermensch (Overman) in that he was beyond good and evil.
Like all philosophical adherents of Nietzsche, he conveniently neglected the fact that the late philosopher had spent the last years of his life living in a state of insanity.
No, it wasn’t because of racism that Herr Hans was hoping to bring back Hitler from the dead.
It was because of the Fuhrer’s expertise in genocide and extermination.
If 5 billion people needed to be eliminated from the Earth so that dear living organism planetary Mother Gaia could live in celestial bliss and peace and harmony in the coming Age of Aquarius, Hitler’s ghost was the entity that could do it.
So Herr Hans opened the book of Druidic black magic spells (unlike Herr Hans’ Bible, this book didn’t need the dust blown off it) and proceeded to speak the words and cast the spell…
… and summon Hitler’s ghost…
… on this…
… Walpurgus Night…
To be continued.
Spirit of Victor Frankenstein Lives On In 3 Mad Scientists
So, having agreed on a plan of action, the three scientists left the George And Dragon Pub just a few minutes after midnight on Easter Sunday morning April 24th 2011.
Their first stop was the Scotland Yard lab where Dr. Nicht Werhoffen removed from a jar what was left of the brain of Giza Investments Ltd. CEO Trevor Fontaine.
They then dropped by the Set Enterprises lab where Dr. Cadbury Rocher removed from a jar part of the heart of the ancient Egyptian deity Atum-Ra.
Dr. Sterling Makabo then went to see a Gypsy spiritist medium (a real one who could actually see spirits and not just claimed to see spirits) named Psychedelia to accompany them to Highgate Cemetery and on the way see if there were any disembodied spirits wandering the streets of London in search of a body.
It just so happened there was.
The spirit of the slain ancient Egyptian vampire Horus was busy wandering the streets of London ever since he lost his earthly channel Trevor Fontaine.
The three scientists and Psychedelia invited him along for the nocturnal ride (metaphorically speaking).
They then arrived at Highgate Cemetery where Dr. Nicht Werhoffen’s Stasi burglary break-and-enter skills came in handy.
They entered the mausoleum of Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell where Dr. Cadbury Rocher had heard the body of the slain and popular Death Heavy Metal Lord Stryker had been put.
They took the lid off the sarcophagus where Stryker’s body lay.
Dr. Werhoffen made an incision in Stryker’s skull where he poured in pieces of Trevor Fontaine’s brain.
He then sewed up the incision.
Dr. Rocher made an incision into Stryker’s heart where he then inserted part of the heart of Atum-Ra.
He then sewed up the incision.
Dr. Sterling Makabo then used his black magic skills to re-animate Stryker’s corpse and bring it back to life.
As the corpse was re-animated, the Gypsy medium Psychedelia told the disembodied vampiric spirit of Horus to now enter the body.
Of course at that moment, the ghost of the Heavy Metal rocker Stryker also happened to walk by and seeing his body restored to life- likewise chose to re-enter his body at the same time as the spirit of Horus.
Makabo cast the spell sealing the spirits inside the body at that moment.
“Shit, you’ve got two spirits in there,” Dr. Nicht Werhoffen cried out.
“Oh well, this Resurrected entity will just happen to have a split personality,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher shrugged, “maybe in his spare time he can get a blog at Xanga since there are a number of Xanga bloggers who seem to have split and multiple personalities.”
“We must take him back to the Set Enterprises lab to inject him with that eternal life synthetic blood you’re working on,” Dr. Makabo said.
“Indeed,” Rocher agreed.
At that moment, the 3 scientists and the gypsy medium could hear drunken shouting nearby.
“Let’s get out of here,” said Werhoffen.
The other two scientists and the gypsy medium followed leaving behind a totally confused Resurrected entity inside the mausoleum.
The drunken shouting was being done by a British bank executive who was shouting to the dead (in case, they could hear it) that Communism would probably rise again.
And this was what Mikhail Gorbachev planned all along, the banker shouted.
Unlike others in the Soviet Politbureau who were just in it for the power, Gorbachev was a Marxist-Leninist true believer.
So Gorbachev let the eastern European satellites go and allowed for the dissolution of the Soviet Union knowing that the West would be lulled to sleep.
And when the inevitable collapse of total laissez-faire capitalism came as Gorbachev knew it would, the globalized interconnected and inter-related and interdependent nations of the world would willingly embrace a Marxist one-world government.
The banker then started vomiting over Karl Marx’s tomb.
And continued to vomit there the rest of the night and early morning.
Until Stryker’s three mini-skirted groupie young women happened to pass him.
And the 3 women would spot the empty tomb.
And would see the empty coffin.
And Miranda the redhead would be the first to see the risen Stryker that Easter Sunday morn.
To be continued.
