Dracul Van Helsing

 Part 2 Opening The Box of Shamballa

Russian President Vladimir Putin was busy whistling the song Tomorrow
Belongs To Me as he was driven to FSB Headquarters in Moscow.

President Putin had always considered himself Russia’s greatest
leader since Ivan the Terrible. Now others agreed with him.

The Russian populace agreed with him by handing him a landslide
victory for his United Russia Party in parliamentary elections earlier this
month.

Opinion polls showed that his handpicked successor and young 42-year-old
protoge Dmitri Medvedev would be elected President of Russia in the next Russian
Presidential election.

Putin himself would most likely become Russia’s next Prime Minister.

And last but not least TIME Magazine had named him Vladimir Putin
Person of the Year.

Now by viewing the contents of the Dark Box of Shamballa, he would
probably most likely become Master of the Universe.

He’d like to see Ivan the Terrible, Lenin and Stalin able to top that one.

Putin was all smiles as Col. Azazelenov waved him into his office
and showed him the ancient Tibetan box atop the office desk.

Col. Azazelenov read the translation of the inscription atop the box:

“TO YE WHO SEEK THE DARK BOX OF SHAMBALLA CONTAINING
THE DARK PSYCHIC ENERGIES OF THE UNIVERSE AND YE WHO
VERILY PLAN TO BECOME MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE…”

“Sounds more like King James English than Russian to me for some
reason,” Putin quipped.

Col. Azazelenov took the lid off the box and Putin peered inside…

“That just looks like another inscription written at the bottom of the box,”
Putin stated.

“It is another inscription written at the bottom of the box,” Col. Azazelenov
saluted.

“Well even though I humbly and most modestly consider myself the most brilliant
intelligent person living on planet Earth today,” Putin blushed bashfully, “I can’t
read ancient Tibetan.”

“That’s all right,” Col. Azazelenov beamed like Paris Hilton in a porno video,
“I’ve got an expert in ancient Tibetan on the line who’s just cracked the inscription.”

As Col Azazelenov wrote down the translation, Putin was busy drooling
like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

“That’s it,” Col. Azazelenov looked extremely surprised.

The voice on the phone said Yes.

“Well, what does the inscription say?” Putin smiled contentedly
in a state of megalomaniac bliss.

“Well,” Col Azazelenov answered, “it says…”

… YOU FOUND THE WRONG BOX, IDIOT!

The End.

 The Dark Box of Shamballa

Dec. 19th 1944- Office of the Fuhrer, Berlin

Hitler: Ah, Col. Eckhart, I see you’ve finally returned from the SS
expedition to Tibet. I believe I sent you back in 1939 and you only just
got back to Berlin now?

Col. Eckhart: We took a wrong turn in the Himalayas. And it didn’t help
matters much that our guide also turned out to be afraid of heights.

Hitler: So did you find the Lost City of Shamballa where the Ascended
Masters reside?

Col. Eckhart: We found the Lost City of Shamballa but the Ascended
Masters weren’t residing there when we arrived. Possibly the rents are too
high. A lot of the buildings there seemed to be emblazoned with gold and precious
jewels.

Hitler: Did you find the Dark Box of Shamballa- that box that contains in it all the
dark psychic energies of the universe? A box that whoever opens it will become 
Master of the Universe?

Col. Eckhart: We found the Box and brought it back to Berlin. Those brave
SS officers who helped carry it back are currently being treated for massive
hernias.

Hitler: And have you opened the Box yet?

Col Eckhart: We seemed to be having some trouble opening it,
Mein Fuhrer.

Hitler: That Box must be opened. If we can open it, this will ensure that I’ll
win the War.

63 years later on Dec. 19th, 2007, Russian President Vladimir Putin
is sitting in his office in the Kremlin. The phone rings.

Putin (picking up the phone): Yes?

Voice on other end: Mr. President, this is Col. Azazelenov of the FSB.
My men have been going through a warehouse of old Soviet Red Army archives
containing stuff that was found in the Soviet Red Army’s search of Hitler’s Bunker
in Berlin back in May, 1945.
Anyways we found an old box earlier this year which our expert on ancient
languages said appeared to be written in ancient Tibetan insciptions.
We’ve had the darndest time trying to open the thing. And this morning we
finally succeeded. Mr. President, I think you should take a look at what’s inside.

To be continued.