Qonzilqointec and Dia de los Muertos
It was Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) festival celebrations in Mexico on this November 2nd (also known as All Souls Day on the Church calendar).
And the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had spent the day celebrating.
And now tonight she was still celebrating.
As she wore a beautiful long white dress and stood atop an ancient Aztec sacrificial pyramid.
In her hand, she held a sharp dark obsidian knife.
She held it over a 7-year-old girl named Catrina who also was dressed in a long white dress and tied to the sacrificial altar atop the pyramid.
Catrina was the daughter of a wealthy executive of one of North America’s biggest telephone companies.
The wealthy executive had agreed to allow Qonzilqointec to sacrifice his child in exchange for 20 years of massive hyper-profits for his company in the coming New World Order which was to be instituted in the year 2012 according to Qonzilqointec.
Qonzilqointec sang a hymn to her spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl and then brought the knife down on the child.
She cut open the girl and then ripped the child’s still beating human heart from her body.
Qonzilqointec baptised the crowd below the pyramid with the blood from the girl’s heart.
Most of the blood fell on the head of the executive of the powerful North American telephone company.
The man smiled and supernatural dollar signs suddenly appeared in the pupils of the man’s eyes,
“To the coming Singularity,” Qonzilqointec shouted as she proudly held the still beating heart in her hands.
“To the coming Singularity,” the crowd intoned in a mantra like chant of conformist uniformity.
To be continued.
When In Rome Do As The Werewolves Do
At the door of Set’s colossal London mansion, Renfield was signing for an extremely long package from Purolator courier.
“What’s inside?” Amadeus asked while eating a chocolate eclair.
“The body of the Were-Zomb-ire,” Renfield replied as he opened it.
“It’s dead again?” Amadeus wiped some chocolate off his mouth.
“Yes, it got electrocuted yesterday after it tripped over a black cat and fell into a large fount of Holy Water in the Vatican garden,” Renfield answered.
“I wonder how it got to Rome?” Amadeus reached into a box and helped himself to his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.
“Moloch the demon took possession of its body and then used the creature’s bat wings to fly to Rome,” Renfield answered.
“Wow,” Amadeus looked at the body of the Were-Zomb-ire in the very long box, “when Purolator says they can deliver anything, they really mean it.”
“Of course they do,” Renfield laughed, “how do you think I manage to get the products grown on my cocaine field in Colombia past U.S. customs.”
“Really?” Amadeus momentarily stopped eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.
“Really,” Renfield nodded.
“Wow,” Amadeus continued eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.
“So I wonder what the poor demon Moloch will do since his host body of the Were-Zomb-ire has died?” Renfield started to read the Last Rites from the Necronomicon over the creature’s body.
* * *
Welsh Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Rome on a mission for the British government.
He was to meet a representative of the Libyan Transitional Council in Rome and sign an agreement with the new Libyan government.
Rhys Petley was also a werewolf- a malady he suffered from ever since he was bitten by the demon Rahu many months ago.
This particular variation of the lycanthropy gene he received through the bite could turn him into a werewolf at any time- not only during the full moon.
While sitting in a cybercafe in Rome and watching a YouTube video of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who looked a lot like Salma Hayek) in a low-cut red evening dress administering a bare-bottom spanking to vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who lay across her lap, Magog Rhys Petley felt himself becoming sexually aroused.
He also felt himself turning into a werewolf.
After he turned into a werewolf which seemed to empty the cybercafe for some reason sending patrons screaming out into the street, Magog also felt some strange alien force trying to take possession of his body.
To be continued.
The Ballad of The Demon Moloch Possessed Were-Zomb-ire
Under the dance of the stars of celestial fire
demon Moloch possessed the body of Were-Zomb-ire
and flying on bats’ wings he flew to Rome
and came within sight of Saint Peter’s Dome
then he encountered the Guards Swiss
embracing them with a deadly kiss
they fell to the ground
without a single sound
their flesh melted in the air
a sight of unholy terror
then he walked through the Vatican garden
hoping to encounter Benedict in the bargain.
To be continued.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec Rising
The vampire Lev Tomi looked outside his office in the UN building in New York City.
In his mortal life, he had been the Marxist revolutionary Leon Trotsky.
He had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City on August 21st, 1940 a day after an attack by a Stalinist agent who tried to assassinate him with an ice pick.
Failure to be turned into a vampire would have resulted in his death.
Although his death was publicly announced to the world so that his enemy Josef Stalin would no longer bother him.
Today Lev Tomi was the Head of the UN Secretariat on The Environment and Climate Change.
He was also directing the Occupy Wall Street protests throughout the world on behalf of his boss the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec.
His mind went back to a conversation he had had with then Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev back in the late 1980s.
“In order for global Communism to triumph,” he had told Gorbachev, “global capitalism must triumph first. Only when extreme laissez-faire capitalism reigns everywhere on the globe will the peoples of the world realize what an inhuman system it is and will rush to willingly embrace global Communism.”
At Tomi’s suggestion, Gorbachev let Central and Eastern Europe go, allowed for the dismantling of the Berlin Wall and the reunification of Germany and even allowed the dissolution of the Soviet Union itself.
By the year 2000, it had looked like global capitalism had triumphed.
By the autumn of 2008, global capitalism had shown the world its inhuman face and continued to show the world its inhuman face ever since.
Now the Arab Spring, the anti-austerity bill riots in Greece and the Occupy Wall Street protests in cities all over the world would pave the way for the triumph of global Communism.
Although it is ironic Tomi reflected to himself that the coming One World Marxist-Leninist government would be headed by the exiled (currently living in exile on Saturn’s moon Titan) Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.
* * *
Dracul Van Helsing read the quote from Leon Trotsky in the rare book store he was in, “Let there be formed a United States of Europe. When the United States of Europe is formed, then the United States of the World shall arise. And global Communism will triumph.”
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec appeared before him in a red evening dress and licked her fangs and then leaned over showing her ample bosom and whispered delicately in his ear, “Tenga cuidado…”
To be continued.
If The Were-Zomb-ire Could Write Poetry
Blood baths are good for you
to bathe in blood is where it’s at
burnt flesh and twisted limbs
ripped apart at the door
a menagerie of blood and gore
Death and destruction all around
New World Order’s despotic crown
Change is acomin’
it’s the demonic Spring
with Sauron Lord of the Ring
autumn moon is rising all blood red
looks like motorcyclist lost his head
Moloch’s a headin’ to Assisi
he ain’t bringin’ no Virgin Chi Chi
Kill! Kill!
Let’s get our fill
Death is our ecstasy pill.
- A poem written by Dracul Van Helsing
Friday evening October 21st 2011.
The Mysterious Drip
Drip, drip, drip.
What was that dripping sound coming from the hotel room above him?
Ever since he had returned back to his hotel room, he had heard that dripping sound.
He phoned the desk downstairs.
No answer.
Hm, maybe he should walk down to the desk in person.
No, he’ll just walk up to the hotel floor above him and knock on the door of the room above him.
When he walked up to the floor above him, he noticed the door of the room directly above him was open.
He walked into the room.
There impaled on the ceiling with coat hangers was an elderly couple who dripped blood on to the floor.
The man picked up the phone in the room and once again tried phoning the desk.
Still no answer.
The man ran downstairs to the main floor.
He approached the desk, peered over it and noticed the hotel clerk had been torn to shreds on the floor.
The man went into shock.
A previous guest who was unregistered had already checked out of the hotel (without paying) half an hour before.
The Were-Zomb-ire.
To be continued.
The Nun Who Danced To Judas
Sister Agnes stood in the hallway of the orphanage and looked at the statue of Jesus with His Sacred Heart.
The nun was standing in spiked stiletto high-heels which was unusual for a nun of her order.
She reached down and ripped the bottom part of her robe from her ankle up to her pelvis.
She ripped it on both sides this way.
The rips exposed black silk nylons that she was wearing underneath her robe.
She then started to dance in front of the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus.
She danced and she sang.
She sang,
I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.
She spun around on her stilettos and her nun’s robe whirled like a belly dancer’s dress as she sensuously moved her arms back and forth.
She approached the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus and kissed it on the lips with her ruby rouge red lipstick lips.
She sang,
I wanna love you,
But something’s pulling me away from you…
She then turned her back on the statue and embraced nothing but air in her arms as she sang,
Jesus is my virtue…
She then opened her eyes which she had closed and her eyes seemed to be looking at something that she was embracing but would have appeared invisible to any other observer that might have been standing in the hallway.
She sang as she embraced the nothingness she caressed in her arms,
And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to
She then opened the door and entered the room where all the young children were sleeping in the orphanage.
She lifted her robes and pulled a huge butcher knife from a black lingerie garter belt tied around her right knee.
She then went from bed to bed quickly slitting the throats of all the children- baby, toddler, boy, girl, 6-year-old, 7-year-old.
Each time she slit a throat, she’d click her heels together and sing,
I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby
I’m just a Holy Fool,
Oh, baby, it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas, baby.
She then left the nursery after she had slain all the children, threw the statue of the Sacred Heart Jesus in the hallway to the floor and broke it as she sang,
Jesus is my virtue…
She then went running outside the orphanage into the garden where a tall dark haired handsome stranger waited by the fountain whose top was a cherubic angel with an arrow.
The very beautiful 30-year-old nun went running into the arms of the tall dark haired handsome stranger and kissed him passionately on the lips.
She then caressed his neck and embraced him tightly singing,
And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to
As she did so, she kissed him on the cheek oblivious to the fact that the tall dark haired handsome stranger was now turning into a red reptilian thing with bat like wings and clawed talons and spiked tail.
The thing burst into flames turning Sister Agnes into flames with it.
A two-year-old who had escaped the slaughter in the nursery by hiding under the bed poked his head out from under the bed and said in baby talk,
Ga-Ga, Ga-Ga.
The End.
-A short story written by Christopher Van Helsing
Sunday evening June 19th 2011.
June Night
June night
hot warm and slzzling
and the sizzling beast emerged from under the earth
making the city hotter still.
Fahrenheit temperatures rising and rising
what is up with all this heat?
Of course Hell is slightly cooler
as the sizzling beasts from below
now walk the earth.
The city looks pleasant enough on a June evening
but that is often the case before doom strikes.
