The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl

July 26, 2007 at 4:19 am (Songs)

 The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl

The Wild Lindsay Lohan Girl
A song written by Christopher
aka Dracul Van Helsing
July 25th, 2007
to the tune of the old Irish song
The Wild Colonial Boy

There was a wild Lindsay Lohan girl, Lindsay Lohan was her name
when it came to finding cocaine, she claimed she’d been framed
She was not doing dope, her car just went for a twirl
and dearly did the tabloids love the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.

At the early age of sixteen years, she had more than a thousand beers
and to California traffic laws, she gave several bronx cheers
She went up on the sidewalk running over Patrolman Merle
a terror to the highways was the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.

One fine evening as Lindsay rode along
she threw out the window her very thin thong
Three mounted troopers charged her down
this drunken airheaded clown
as she went out for a whirl
the trap was sprung to capture her
the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.

Surrender now, Lindsay Lohan, you see it’s three to one
Surrender  now Lindsay Lohan,  a DUI isn’t fun
She threw two panties and a belt and cursed Officer Merle
I’ll scream and pout forever cried the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.

She swore at trooper Kelly and almost ran him down
And charging on to Davis, he was forced to hit the ground
A bullet pierced through her bra as she ran down Officer Merle
and that’s the way they captured her, the Wild Lindsay Lohan girl.



  1. elvis bojangles said,

    Lindsay Lohan & Britany Spears used to pal around together in the 3rd grade & taunt me in the schoolyard. Eventually we all grew up. And lived happily ever after…

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Reblogged this on Dracul Van Helsing and commented:

    This was a poem I wrote 13 years ago way back in July 2007 when actress Lindsay Lohan and her shenanigans were big in the news. Written to the tune of the Irish folk song about colonial Australia entitled The Wild Colonial Boy.

  3. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    A crazy ride and truly a laugh out loud poem. 😂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Glad to hear it, Jessica. 😀

      I’d forgotten I’d written this until I got a WP email notification today that Elvis Bojangles at the top there had left a comment on this really old old post.

      • elvis bojangles said,

        Hillary Clinton was teaching 4th grade at our school then. Lindsay, Brittany & I wound up in her class. Those were the days. Those were the days!

        Thank you, Mr. Helsing, for this fine ditty that has inspired one fine little stroll down memory lane for this lonely old timer…

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re very welcome, Elvis. 🙂

      • Jessica E. Larsen said,

        Amazing what readers find sometimes and it’s fun to see that someone still care. It’s old but gold 😁

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you very much, Jessica. 🙂

        I like that expression.

        Old but gold. 👑

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