Missing Riddle

August 30, 2007 at 3:21 pm (Poetry)

by DraculVanHelsing  Online Online
Hi diddle diddle
Music_is_life has no riddle
The cat and the fiddle
The dog has to piddle
oh where oh where
is Sweet Music’s riddle?

Early Friday hug and hit for you! 🙂

Permalink Leave a Comment

Riddle of Non Sunbathing Dogs Solved! ;)

August 15, 2007 at 1:18 pm (Humour)

by music_is_life_for_me [ 27, F, New Delhi ]

Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe? ????


Posted on: August 15, ’07 


by DraculVanHelsing
Now to answer your riddle my dear,

Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe
asked the poodle riding the wave
I like to surf
and sing like a smurf
but sunbathe I will not do
turns my fur to glue
and burns my nose too! 🙂

Posted on: August 15, ’07  

-Dracul Van Helsing, August 15th, 2007

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Goldfish of the Baskervilles

August 14, 2007 at 4:06 pm (Movie Trailers)

 The Goldfish of the Baskervilles

I have often tried my hand in the past at writing
my own TV commercials.

Now I’ve decided to write my own movie trailer!
(for a fictional movie of course! not a real one!)

The Goldfish of the Baskervilles
A movie trailer
written by Christopher
aka Dracul Van Helsing
August 14th, 2007

Announcer: And now a new film by Quentin Tarantino…

(The film credit A Quentin Tarantino Production appears on
the movie screen)

Announcer: The one case of Sherlock Holmes that Doctor 
Watson never wrote down in his Journals finally comes to the

(The film titleThe Goldfish of the Baskervilles appears on 
the movie screen)

Announcer: Starring Johnny Depp as Sherlock Holmes…

(Johnny Depp as Sherlock Holmes appears on the movie screen)

Johnny Depp (as Sherlock Holmes): Great heavens, Watson!
I appear to have these pairs of scissors stuck to my hands!

Announcer: And Brad Pitt as Doctor Watson…

(Brad Pitt as Doctor Watson appears on the Movie screen)

Brad Pitt (as Doctor Watson): I say, Holmes, don’t you think that I’m
the best looking Doctor Watson in all recorded history?

Announcer: With Antonio Banderas as Professor Moriarty…

(Antonio Banderas as Professor Moriarty appears on the screen)

Antonio Banderas (as Professor Moriarty): The mistake you made
Mister Holmes is what Shakespeare once said, What’s in a name?
Because my last name is Moriarty, you were looking for an Irishman
and I turned out to be a Spaniard. Buenos nachos, Mr. Holmes…
and adios… (fires pistol)

Announcer: Salma Hayek as the London music hall dancer and waitress…

(Salma Hayek in a bright coloured red dress puts a cup of hot chocolate
 down in front of Johnny Depp)

Salma Hayek: You might well ask what happened to the cherry, Mister Holmes…
well… once upon a time in Mexico…

Announcer: Angelina Jolie as Irene Adler… to Sherlock Holmes… she was
always THE woman…

(Angelina Jolie as Irene Adler appears on the movie screen.
In the same scene is Brad Pitt as Doctor Watson)

Brad Pitt (as Doctor Watson): You know Miss Adler, you look
familiar for some reason.

Announcer: Tom Hanks as Sir Henry Baskerville…

(Tom Hanks as Sir Henry Baskerville appears on the screen)

Tom Hanks (as Sir Henry Baskerville): I should have never listened to
my mother. I knew I shouldn’t have put that box of chocolates in the goldfish
pond even though it was my pet goldfish’s birthday.

Announcer: Special guest appearance by Lindsay Lohan as Victorian London’s
first woman cab driver…
(Lindsay Lohan in a long and big bustled Victorian dress holding horseless reins 
appears on the screen)

Lindsay Lohan: I seem to have crashed my horseless carriage…

Announcer: with special appearance by David Letterman as Inspector
Lestrade of Scotland Yard…

(David Letterman as Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard approaches
Lindsay Lohan on the screen)

David Letterman (as Inspector Lestrade to Lindsay Lohan):
Pardon me, Miss, but have you been drinking?

Announcer: And like all Hollywood trailers these days, we give away the
ending to the film if the audience is attentive…

Johnny Depp (as Sherlock Holmes): Great heavens, Watson!
I seemed to have impaled the Goldfish of the Baskervilles with
my scissor hands.

Announcer: The Goldfish of the Baskervilles…
coming soon to a movie theatre near you!


Permalink Leave a Comment

Edison, Electric Ovens and Pizza

August 14, 2007 at 3:56 pm (Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing)

Thomas Edison once said, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.”

Another wise man once said, “Eating an extra large super deluxe pepperoni and bacon and sausage pizza with extra, extra, extra cheese all by one’s self is 100% constipation.”

-Dracul Van Helsing, August 14th, 2007

Permalink Leave a Comment

Zen Buddhist Riddle Solved!

August 14, 2007 at 1:48 pm (Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing)

If a tree falls in a forest, does anybody hear?

That depends on whether or not the lumberjack is listening to Heavy Metal music on his ipod!

 -Dracul Van Helsing, August 14th, 2007

Permalink Leave a Comment

Dracula’s Profile On Facebook…

August 7, 2007 at 12:50 pm (Commentary, Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing)

ReplyReplyby nicekudi [ 23, F, Delhi ]
My slam book……
Nike name_______?
Date of birth______?
est food_______?
Best movie_______?
Best friend_______?
Best cloth_________?

Tusday hitttttt

Posted on: August 06, ’07

by DraculVanHelsing
Nike name_ Barefoot. I boycott Nike products.
Date of birth: Sometime in the 1400s in Transylvania.
Hobby: Turning into a bat and flying into the bedrooms of beautiful women.
Like: Well I like something to drink… but… I don’t drink… wine (this latter statement said in a Bela Lugosi style voice).
Is like: Red in colour.
Best food: Hungarian blood sausage.
Best movie: Anyone featuring me Dracula.
Best friend: Definitely not Van Helsing.
Best cloth: Wash cloth when I spill something.

Posted on: August 07, ’07  

Permalink Leave a Comment

Titles of Monica Lewinsky’s Future Books

August 5, 2007 at 11:20 am (Humour)

 Titles of Monica Lewinsky’s future books
* I Wore What You Did Last Summer

* I Suck At My Job

* What Really Goes Down In The White House

* How I Blew It In Washington

* You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President

* Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

* Going Back for Gore

* Podium Girl

* Secret Services to the President

* Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton

* Deep Inside The Oval Office

* The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions

* She’s Chief of MY Staff!

* Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes

* How To Beat Off the Government

* Going Down and Moving Up

* Members of the Presidential Cabinet

* Me and My Big Mouth

Permalink 2 Comments

ABCs of Ex-Wives

August 4, 2007 at 2:53 pm (Humour)

 ABC’s of Ex – Wives

A is for Alimony … the gift that keeps on giving.

B is for Balls … which are now ours again.

C is for Court … where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw.

D is for Divorce … the alternative to ax murder.

E is for Equitable Distribution … another oxymoron.

F is for Flatulence … finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.

G is for Gandhi…someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie.

H is for House … which the b*tch also got.

I is for Inmate … where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late.

J is for Jewelry … the former great equalizer.

K is for Kids … the best of everything.

L is for Lawyer … whose most recent vacation you just paid for.

M is for Mother … and Oh what a Mother !!

N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.

O is for Overdrawn … what your checking account always was.

P is for PMS … what we say: “No, honey, you don’t look like you’re retaining water.” …what we mean, “No wonder there’s a citywide drought.”

Q is for Quarter … what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets.

R is for Rehearsal Dinner … should never have stayed for dessert.

S is for Sex … thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.

T is for Throat … the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement.

U is for UPS … the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did.

V is for Visa … one of several cards she maxed out.

W is for Wrong … which you always were.

X is for X chromosome … I swear some women have more than two!

Y is for Yacht … maybe the next guy will have one.

Z is for Zirconium … I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.

Permalink 1 Comment