Rowan Atkinson as James Bond

October 9, 2007 at 1:21 pm (Movie Trailers)

 Rowan Atkinson as James Bond

Here’s a fictional movie trailer I wrote for a movie 
that would star Rowan Atkinson as James Bond…

Announcer: And now from United Artists and Metro-Goldwyn
Mayer… another fantastic tale in the epic story of the man they call…
James Bond…

(Rowan Atkinson appears at a hotel desk carrying his Mr. Bean
style Teddy Bear)

Atkinson (as James Bond): Hello, I’m a British secret agent on
Her Majesty’s Secret Service… licensed to kill… I’m currently working
as a fast food chef at McDonald’s… I understand you have a room for

Hotel deskman: Yes sir? And the name is….

Atkinson: Bear… Teddy… Bear…

Hotel deskman: Not the bear’s name, idiot! Yours?

Atkinson: oh…

(Scene: Atkinson at the Taj Mahal. Amit Dhawan followed by a machine gun-
toting bikini babe approaches Bond)

Atkinson (as Bond): Are you… Dr. Maybe?

Amit: Maybe…

Atkinson: I understand you have something to give me…

(Amit nods to the machine gun-toting bikini babe. The machine gun-toting
bikini babe goes up to Atkinson and kicks him in the groin)

Amit: Take that you Imperialistic Britisher!

Atkinson (as Bond clutching his groin): I knew I should have
had butter and not Imperial margarine on my toast this morning…
(Scene: Atkinson at the Statue of Liberty. He is with a Chinese secret
agent played by Ziyi Zhang. She’s wearing an evening gown and he’s wearing
a tux.)

Ziyi: So Mr. Bond, you’re here to stop the Tehran Cross-Dressers’ 
League from blowing up the Statue of Liberty?

Atkinson (as Bond): Yes. Although it’s strange… this Tehran
Cross-Dressers’ League… Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
said last week that there are no gays in Iran…

Ziyi: And indeed… there aren’t… they’re all over here…

Atkinson (approaching Ziyi’s lips): How’d you get to be… so… SMART?

Ziyi (kicking Bond in the groin): By refusing to kiss… idiots!

Atkinson (as Bond in a high-pitched voice): I really should have used
a double to play these scenes…

Announcer: ZIP AND LET FLY  opens in theatres on October 12th…

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