Hosni Mubarak: Not Afraid Of Werewolves

February 10, 2011 at 8:30 pm (Vampire novel) ()

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were back in the United Kingdom after an eventful trip to America.

The meteorite containing the DNA of the Egyptian vampire Ra was safely in a Set Enterprises lab.

Amadeus Emanon was watching BBC News on TV in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s mansion while Renfield was busy on the computer.

“Protestors,” intoned the BBC News Announcer, “in Cairo’s Tahrir Square are angry that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak did not announce that he was stepping down in his TV address to the nation today but rather that he was staying on until Presidential elections in September. Mr. Mubarak said that his departure would not be dictated to by foreign powers…”

“I wonder what foreign powers those would be?” Amadeus asked as he munched on his hot-buttered popcorn.

“Well hacking into this email sent by the British Embassy in Cairo to 10 Downing Street, Mr. Mubarak apparently told his officials, “How dare the Western powers think I’d be frightened off by sending a werewolf to talk to me? To paraphrase that old song Ghostbusters from that old American movie Ghostbusters, I ain’t afraid of no werewolf…” Renfield stated as he bit into a tuna fish sandwich.

“The West sent a werewolf to talk to Mubarak?” Amadeus poured some fresh ground pepper on his popcorn.

“Probably didn’t know that he was a werewolf,” Renfield answered, “but I using my amazing powers of deduction have determined who the werewolf is.”

“I never knew you had amazing powers of deduction,” Amadeus coughed as a result of too much pepper on the popcorn, “you’ll have to display those for me some time.”

Renfield cast an angry glance in Amadeus’ direction and then continued, “I’ve been able to trace the whereabouts of a certain British Labour MP… let’s call him Magog Rhys Petley… he was apparently in Cairo these past few days… and last night he was in a nightclub in Cairo watching a performance by belly dancers when he suddenly started turning hairy and causing a disturbance. He then left in a taxi and went all over Cairo trying to find someone who sold buttermilk. Apparently he wasn’t able to find any buttermilk. Then apparently he went to the Egyptian Presidential Palace to meet Mubarak and the meeting ended with Rhys Petley barking and snarling on all fours.”

“So how does that make Rhys Petley a werewolf?” Amadeus sipped on his large movie theatre style cup of Coca-Cola and reached for some black licorice.

“Well apparently Rhys Petley was in Wales when those werewolf attacks occurred in Wales several weeks ago and was in London that weekend when that young policewoman was attacked by that werewolf in London a few weekends ago,” Renfield explained, “but of course those werewolf attacks were very unusual. They didn’t happen at night and there was no full moon. Then we have the unusual incident of Rhys Petley wanting to find some buttermilk. Well checking some very ancient folklore on werewolves, anyone who’s bitten by the demon Rahu can turn into a werewolf at any given time if the circumstances are right- those circumstances being extreme desire for something- such as for example carnal desire. You may remember that we had the frozen specimen of the demon Rahu in the Boss’ laboratory several weeks ago until I de-thawed him and let him go. He must have run into Rhys Petley and bit him. The fact that Rhys Petley started turning hairy when he watched some belly dancers perform indicate that he was probably sexually aroused and turning into a werewolf. Since he was probably meeting Mubarak on behalf of the British government, he was looking for buttermilk to counteract the effects. And since he was unable to find any, he showed up at the Presidential Palace in Cairo as a werewolf and Mubarak probably didn’t take too kindly to that.”

“So as a result of you foolishly letting the demon Rahu loose, this has through a series of circumstances potentially led to an international crisis becoming worse?” Amadeus looked at Renfield.

“Yes,” Renfield cackled an evil cackle as he bit into his tuna fish sandwich, “these hands of mine wield such power. Such power as the world can never imagine.”

He cackled and guffawed so loudly and with such ecstasy, he started to choke on his tuna fish sandwich.

He fell to the floor and started turning blue.

Amadeus went over to Renfield’s computer and proceeded to google the terms Heimlich Maneuver.

To be continued.

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