Radio Broadcast From The Future

February 28, 2011 at 9:49 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

“Hello Colin,” Renfield spoke on the phone, “this is Renfield R. Renfield. I don’t know if you remember me or not but I was the one who swiped your tuna fish sandwich on the set of The King’s Speech that same day I also made fun of your stutter because I thought it was real… anyhow congratulations on winning the Best Actor Award for your portrayal of King George VI… but… anyhow the real reason I’m calling is I was wondering if you got an invitation to attend Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding. Because if you did I’m willing to exchange an autographed photo of Helena Bonham Carter that says “Dear Rennie…” in exchange for the Royal Wedding invitation… hello? hello?”.

“Someone else hang up on you again?” Amadeus looked up from his copy of a Superman comic book.

“Hm, yes,” Renfield nodded, “anyhow back to the experiment.”

Both Renfield and Amadeus were in the Set Laboratories’ Lab where Renfield was conducting an experiment with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster- a lobster who had been genetically engineered by Set Laboratories’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to have enhanced psychic abilities. Indeed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had, along with Germany’s Paul the Psychic Octopus, correctly predicted Spain’s win in the World Cup Final in South Africa last year.

“What sort of experiment are you doing with Michelangelo?” Amadeus asked as he bit into an apple.

“Well I was reading in this American newspaper,” Renfield held up a copy of The National Enquirer, “that some quantum physicist I had never heard of before at some university I had never heard of before was making the claim that some psychics have the ability to pick up radio broadcasts and TV show signals from the future…”

“So you’re looking to pick up a radio broadcast or a TV show signal from the future?” Amadeus asked as he reached into a box marked Chocolate Covered Nuts whereupon he visualized Renfield covered in chocolate.

“Yes,” Renfield grinned, “many people are afraid that the world may end on December 21st, 2012 just because the Mayans ended their calendar on December 21st, 2012. So I’ve asked Michelangelo here to concentrate his mind on today’s date February 28th two years hence- February 28th 2013- which would be a couple of months after December 21st, 2012. And if his mind is able to receive a radio broadcast or a TV show signal from that date- we will know the world won’t have ended.”

Amadeus reached into his pocket, pulled out a harmonica and started playing the theme music from the old TV show The Twilight Zone.

“Quiet, Amadeus,” said Renfield who had wires hooked up to Michelangelo’s head and the wires were attached to a computer, “there’s something coming through now. Michelangelo has picked up something.”

Renfield turned up the sound.

A voice spoke through the computer… “Here’s the news for February 28th, 2013…”

Renfield asked, “Did you get the date there, Amadeus?”.

Amadeus helped himself to a box of figs and replied, “Not really.”

“and in other news… ” the radio announcer from the future spoke, “Hollywood insiders and the outside world are still trying to recover from this morning’s shocking announcement about the impending wedding in the Bahamas between Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan…”

“Good God,” Renfield’s face turned ashen white, “it is the end of the world…”

To be continued.

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