Rap Song About Justin Bieber

August 17, 2011 at 6:56 pm (Poetry) (, , )

A friend of mine Kriztina in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia suggested to me last night I should try to write a rap song about Justin Bieber after I had written a rap song about movie character Freddy Krueger last night.

So I gave it a shot.

The rap song is not totally about Justin Bieber- there’s references to other cultural pop icons and contemporary happenings in international geopolitics as well- not to mention a reference to a personal family situation involving a dispute over my late father’s Estate.

How come so many people be hatin’ Justin Bieber?
After all he’s Canadian like the beaver
for Canadians are a mild-mannered folk
those on the West Coast like to toke
but it ain’t because of marijuana Dracul is moving to Vancouver
it be because some family members were born in a sewer.

But returnin’ to the subject of Justin Bieber
who some bad cats would like to hit with a cleaver
why yo’all pickin’ on this guy?
Jealous cause he makes teen-aged girls sigh?

Now Bashar Assad who mows down his own people
while erectin’ pics of himself higher than a steeple
now surely that would be reason to hate his guts
but to hate Justin Bieber because of his singin’
hate to tell you but you’re simply nuts.

Then you got down on Rebecca Black
cause she got down on Friday
hearing her sing
made you cryday.

Sure the song ain’t no masterpiece
but does that give you the right
to try to dispose of her like grease?

Hey world you got your priorities wrong
instead of hatin’ people because of their song
why don’t you act like a big man and be truly strong
there’s a famine in northeast Africa
children there may not live long
get your Bieber and Black hatin’ head out of your ass
stand up be a real man and show some true class
put your money where your mouth is
and do some true good helpin’ starvin’ kids.

-A rap song written by Christopher Dracul Van Helsing
Wednesday evening August 17th 2011

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Freddy Krueger Rap Song

August 16, 2011 at 8:31 pm (Horror, Poetry) (, , , )

It’s Freddy Krueger
carrying a luger
after he got his arm caught in the door
razor fingernails crushed on the floor
so now he’s switched modus operandi
and after a deep whiff of brandy
he’s entering nightmares once more
tallying up his score
with blood and gore
but without his trademark arm of fright
most dreamers call it a night
they’ve seen a gun before
mopping blood off the floor
and Freddy with just a gun
he’s a bit of a bore.

-A rappin’ hip hop song
written by Dracul Van Helsing
Tuesday night, August 16th 2011
inspired by the Wes Craven
NIghtmare On Elm Street flicks.

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The Marxist Werewolf and The London Riots

August 10, 2011 at 7:16 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , )

“So you’re back in England after a few weeks in Norway?” Amadeus said as he bit into the sample of Norwegian lutefisk that Renfield had brought him.

“Yes, Scotland Yard has hired me to start interrogating some of the rioters who have been rioting the past week,” said Renfield.

“London, Manchester, Bristol, Birmingham, Liverpool,” Amadeus shook his head, “it’s just awful. Those pics of burnt out parts of London they showed on the news last night looked like what London looked like after a night of Nazi Luftwaffe blitz bombing back during World War II.”

“But it’s now Renfield to the rescue,” Renfield grinned.

“I wonder if there’s any solid connection between these riots,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well in confidential reports I’ve seen,” Renfield noted, “apparently a wolf was seen in the vicinity shortly before each riot broke out.”

“A wolf?” Amadeus was perplexed.

“Personally I think it’s a werewolf,” Renfield stated.

“A werewolf?” Amadeus’ jaw dropped, “but the riots didn’t always start right after sunset nor was there a full moon present.”

“Yes, but someone who has been bitten by the ancient Hindu demon Rahu can turn into a werewolf at any time,” said Renfield, “I’ve been having the Boss’ cyborg Sophia spy on far-Left Welsh Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley and I’ve come to believe that this Marxist parliamentarian has been responsible for several werewolf attacks in Britain the past several months. And now he seems to be organizing riots against the British government no doubt in hopes of overthrowing our country’s capitalist system.”

“Wow, a Marxist werewof,” Amadeus was blown away.

Renfield went over to the window and closed it since there was such a powerful breeze at the moment.

To be continued.

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Figure In Silhouette

August 9, 2011 at 6:00 pm (Poetry) ()

Figure in silhouette dances the streets
a shadow here
a flicker there
figure in silhouette dances the streets
gentle breeze blows a scent this way
sweet perfume
so intoxicating
so delightful
one looks to see whence it came
and all that is there…
figure in silhouette dances the streets
you’re there
I can see you
but you may not take form here
I shall go find the city
where the figure in silhouette
dances the streets
and finally steps out of the shadows
for me.

-A poem written by Christopher Van Helsing
Tuesday evening, August 9th 2011.

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