Mobsters Like Lobsters

December 9, 2013 at 8:13 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Mobsters Like Lobsters

Mobsters like lobsters
was what Joe read on the card
handed him by a fortune telling Bard.

“Thanks,” he paid the gypsy and left
before his watch became an object of theft
Joe wanted to know the best way to kill a mobster
and now he learned it was through lobster.

Joe had a beef with Big Mickey Spallone
who helped himself to his girlfriend at home
Trouble was Spallone was a mobster boss
And getting to him was like using gum for floss
your dentist wouldn’t recommend it
And neither would your feet in the cement grip
as you hit the East River
with a splash and a shiver.

So find out where Spallone eats
and poison his dish of culinary treats.

This was during the Prohibition era
when female lushes ruined their mascara
crying for their beloved booze
and damning those who held Temperance views.
They would bat their lashes
and keep moonshine in stashes.

Now Big Mickey Spallone- he ran a Speakeasy
where people went if lack of booze made them queasy
he ate at Macelli’s across the street
he didn’t have to walk far on his feet.

And so into Macelli’s kitchen Joe went
bribing the cook with a dollar and cent
for prices were low in those days
and Broadway had many good plays.

Sure enough Big Mick had ordered the lobster
sighed the cook, “So typical of a mobster.”
Joe added hemlock for the seasoning
based on a premise of Socratic reasoning
and the dish was presented to Big Mick
who downed the lobster very quick
in a display that made patrons sick
when Joe appeared and confessed his trick,
Big Mick’s last words were, “Damn you, prick.”

-A narrative poem
written by Christopher
Monday December 9th

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Haiku About Jack Frost

December 8, 2013 at 4:38 pm (Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Jack Frost

A cold December
Jack Frost nipping at our nose
our pain his dessert

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Renfield On Bali

December 7, 2013 at 6:47 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield On Bali

Renfield R. Renfield had overshot his intended target of the Chinese Air Defense Identification Zone over the disputed Senkaku-Diaoyu Islands and had crash landed his plane on the Indonesian island of Bali in the South Pacific.

He had spent most of the past week learning lessons in Balinese dance taught to him by beautiful and lovely Balinese women.

Then today as he walked past a hotel, he heard the news that a major deal on global world trade had just been signed in Bali by the 159 countries belonging to the World Trade Organization.

Outside the hotel, he happened to spot the ancient Babylonian vampire Mammon who was worshipped as the god of banking and commerce in ancient Babylon.

“He looks pleased as punch,” Renfield thought, “he must be happy with the trade deal.”

Renfield hurried down the street for his next lesson with the beautiful ladies of the Balinese dance troupe with whom he had become acquainted.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 7th

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Haiku About Nelson Mandela

December 5, 2013 at 5:19 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Nelson Mandela

True candle in wind
great light now extinguished
R.I.P. Nelson

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Haiku About Santa Claus and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

December 4, 2013 at 6:45 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Santa Claus and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Santa’s beer keg gone
could be the cause of Rudolph’s
red shiny nose though

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Haiku About Temperatures Over Vancouver Today December 3rd 2013

December 3, 2013 at 7:08 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

Haiku About Temperatures Over Vancouver Today December 3rd 2013

Arctic air prevails
brass monkey has painful look
he froze his nuts off

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Renfield’s Holiday Greetings

December 2, 2013 at 7:53 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield’s Holiday Greetings

Amadeus Emanon was sitting by himself in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s mansion in West End London.

His usual compadre Renfield R. Renfield had taken holidays for a week.

The phone rang.

Amadeus picked it up.

It was Renfield.

“Hey, what’s up?” Amadeus asked.

“I’m flying a U.S. Air Force jet over the newly declared Chinese Air Defense Identification Zone over the Senkaku-Diaoyu Islands,” Renfield replied.

“How did you get ahold of a U.S. Air Force jet?” Amadeus asked.

“Well I shapeshifted into a hamster and managed to catch a ride with U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden on his plane over to Tokyo,” Renfield answered, “then over the Pacific I parachuted on to a U.S. aircraft carrier and swiped one of their planes.”

“What do you intend to do?” Amadeus asked with some trepidation.

“I intend to shoot down the first Chinese Air Force plane I see,” Renfield laughed in reply.

“But might not that start World War III?” Amadeus asked.

“That’s the whole idea,” Renfield chuckled, “2013 has been such a lousy year, I figure the world needs a little extra special fireworks this Christmas.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd

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