Haiku About Chinese New Year Year of The Horse
Haiku About Chinese New Year Year of The Horse
Horse stomps evil snake
Wretched old year stomped to death
A new year is born
Haiku About Execution of England’s King Charles I Whose 365th Anniversary Is Today
Haiku About Execution of England’s King Charles I Whose 365th Anniversary Is Today
Charles I King Martyr
Royal Stuart fought Cromwell
Lost head in the end
Haiku About Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane
Haiku About Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane
Poor Citizen Kane
Charles fosters a vast empire
dies wanting his sled
Lilith In Kiev
Lilith In Kiev
Former U. S. President Jimmy Carter looked out the residence of his Georgia home as a rare and fierce snow storm raged outside.
In addition to the snow he was surprised to see the ancient Norse god Thor stumbling through the raging snow drifts clutching his hammer Mjolnir.
Following Thor and growling at him was the Norse wolf Fenrir.
Fenrir had around his neck a small barrel flask (like those worn by Saint Bernard dogs in the Swiss Alps) that had on it the words RAGNAROK OR BUST.
. . .
Ukrainian Prime Minister Mykola Azarov had just announced his resignation and that of the entire governing cabinet.
When the protesting crowds in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev heard the news, they erupted into loud cheers.
Standing in the midst of the protestors looking conspicuous in a long flowing white evening gown was the ancient but extremely young looking Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was History’s first vampiress).
Lilith was checking her Nokia Lumia smart phone and had read on her BBC News app that Russian President Vladimir Putin had come down with severe heartburn following a dinner of Belgian waffles he had after an EU-Russia Summit held in Brussels.
Just then she got a text message from the Demon Asmodeus who was standing atop the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
Asmodeus asked her to call him right away as he said something of great cosmic significance was about to happen.
Lilith also got a text message from one of Paris’ most exclusive fashion shoe stores saying the custom made order she had given for a pair of exclusive high fashion footwear had now come in and would she please call them right away.
Lilith pushed a button and sped dialed the number of the Paris shoe store.
A few seconds later she pushed another button and put an incoming call from the demon Asmodeus on hold.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2014.
And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014
And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked the streets of London in search of blood.
After biting a few Londoners and draining them of their blood, he showed them what a pain in the neck he could be in London after midnight.
An even bigger pain in the neck than silent film star Lon Chaney Sr.
In cyberspace, he was also searching for blood.
After a recent conversation he had with his company Set Enterprises Laboratories’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, he needed some of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood for the Rocher plan to succeed.
So Set put an ad on eBay saying he’d pay £2 million to anyone who could bring him a genuine vial of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood.
As Set checked the BBC News app on his Galaxy Android phone while draining the blood of and at the same time having coital relations with a beautiful mini skirted Russian girl on the sidewalks of London, he noticed a news story that a holy relic containing the blood of the late Pope John Paul II had been stolen from a chapel in Italy.
Hm, that’s a good sign, Set thought.
“I’m an Aquarius,” was the beautiful mini skirted Russian girl’s last words as she died trying to fix the holes in her torn nylon stockings.
. . .
Pan Goatee was sitting in his Washington DC apartment getting a blow job from a young Monica Lewinsky lookalike while reading a personally autographed copy of former U. S. President Bill Clinton’s autobiography.
On the television screen in the room was a news story about Pope Francis freeing two doves from the window of the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican with the help of two small children.
Only minutes before the two papal peace doves were released, Pope Francis had called for peace in Ukraine.
Then no sooner had the two doves been released by the two children at the window then both birds were attacked much to the horror of tens of thousands of on-lookers in St. Peter’s Square.
An enormous seagull and a huge black crow attacked the two doves.
One dove managed to escape the seagull but the black crow continued to peck at the other dove drawing blood.
“I’ve got a stain on my blue dress!” The Monica Lewinsky lookalike shouted as Pan Goatee came with the full force of a volcanic eruption from Mount Vesuvius.
“Here take this,” Pan Goatee handed her a gift card for a full steam cleaning at a DC Chinese laundry.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his office.
His shortwave radio was picking up a radio station from Texas.
“Hi friends, this is Texe Marrs,” the Texan voice on the radio drolled.
Putin was reading an intercepted CIA report where the CIA agent had written that he had it on the highest authority of a retired U.S. Air Force officer in Texas that the recent anti-government protests in Kiev Ukraine (the current Ukrainian government were staunch allies of Putin’s Russia) was the direct result of a Jewish conspiracy based on an obscure passage in a medieval Khazar translation of the Babylonian Talmud.
Putin pounded the table, “Damn Jews.”
. . .
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in his office.
He had in front of him a handwritten note written and sent to him by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis.
Isis offered to help him build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided he promised to erect a statue of her husband Osiris within the Temple.
Netanyahu sighed.
How was it he was getting messages from all the crazies today?
Earlier he had received an email from a Chinese-Canadian using a Government of Canada Dept. of Health Canada email address offering to sell him the original Golem of Prague if the price was right.
The fellow claimed he had won it in a Destinations Europe contest he had entered.
. . .
Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Geneva Switzerland ostensibly to attend the Geneva II Conference of Peace Talks on Syria.
But an extremely cold Swiss winter had frozen the country’s buttermilk supply.
And Magog used drinking buttermilk as an antidote to his turning into a werewolf.
So instead of attending the conference, Magog walked around the streets of Geneva on all furry fours growling and snarling and eating people.
The people he ate were for the most part tourists who remained stationary long enough for them to take pics of him with their smart phones and upload them to Instagram and Facebook.
And in the process, they remained stationary long enough for him to eat them.
Magog belched loudly as he passed the evening prayer service of a Swiss Reformed Church whose congregation was singing that old southern U.S. spiritual song, “Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air…”
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2014.
Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock’s Movie Psycho
Haiku About Alfred Hitchcock’s Movie Psycho
Anthony Perkins
cleaness next to godliness
take shower then death
Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers
Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers
Serial killer Pan Goatee who now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government still enjoyed doing freelance slaughtering on his own now and again.
He also enjoyed doing reading on the philosophical topic of aesthetics which dealt with such questions as “What is art? What is beauty?”.
Pan Goatee the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr had decided that it was his personal mission in his genetically created life to make the world a more beautiful and more aesthetically pleasing place.
And of course one way of doing this was to rid the world of ugly people.
Pan Goatee discovered that there were a lot of ugly people in the world especially when he accidentally walked into rooms where feminist groups were meeting.
Rush Limbaugh’s famous remark that “Feminism was a movement designed to help ugly physically unattractive women enter the mainstream of society” was one of the few occasions on which the controversial talk show host was right in Pan Goatee’s opinion.
When Pan Goatee compared photos of the past (before 1970) and portrait paintings from the past (in pre-photography days), he noticed that beautiful women seemed to be in the majority and ugly women were in the minority.
Today in the second decade of the 21st Century, it seemed the world had gone totally topsy-turvy.
Ugly women were in the majority and beautiful women were in the minority.
This probably constituted proof positive that the days of the Antichrist were upon us.
He thought he’d write to the Bible Prophecy teacher he saw on late night television last weekend and tell him so.
Pan Goatee had recently read a joke that one of his FB friends had posted as their status on their Facebook page.
The joke went thus:
Question: Why are Scandinavian women so beautiful?
Answer: Because the Vikings never brought back ugly women on their raids.
Probably a truer Facebook status had never been posted Pan thought.
Pan Goatee blamed today’s aesthetically depreciated world on the U.S. Supreme Court’s Roe vs. Wade decision of 1973.
As a result of abortion being legalized in the U.S. and then spreading across the world, beautiful women realized that now they didn’t have to have children right away if they didn’t want to and since they were beautiful, they always stood an excellent chance of being knocked up again and could have children if they so choose.
Ugly women on the other hand didn’t have this luxury.
There was always the possibility that she as an ugly woman might never again find some male in a drunken stupor totally stoned out of his mind with possibly excellent taste in beer but definitely lousy taste in women to take her home and knock her up.
She might never have this chance to become pregnant again.
The end result was that ugly women carried their ugly offspring to term.
Beautiful women didn’t.
So just as the 1930s and 1940s had the Greatest Generation to boast about, so too did the opening decades of the 21st Century have the Ugliest Generation- if that was something to boast about- which of course it wasn’t.
Pan Goatee was looking at a FB Friend’s Facebook page.
The friend was on a cruise ship to Alaska.
And had posted pictures.
My God, Pan thought as he looked at the photos, that cruise ship certainly had a lot of ugly looking people on it.
This was probably ruining his FB friend’s cruise.
Although Pan had never met the man, the man had been nice enough to send him a Facebook friend invitation.
So Pan put on a t-shirt that said Let’s Make Abortion Retroactive and astral projected to the cruise ship where he slaughtered all the ugly passengers.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 24th
2014.
Haiku About Justin Bieber
Haiku About Justin Bieber
Pop stars go retro
Justin Bieber is dancing
to the Jailhouse Rock
Renfield In Davos
Renfield In Davos
Renfield R. Renfield was in Davos Switzerland getting ready for the World Economic Forum.
He was disturbed by reports that his boss Set’s estranged and separated wife the Vampiress Martini was seen all over Davos with Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf.
Mittendorf himself had not been seen for 30 years.
Then a few weeks ago, Mittendorf suddenly appeared in public again- in the arms of the Vampiress Martini.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen partying in Geneva.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen partying in Zurich.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen eating basil leafs in Basel.
Mittendorf and Martini were seen yodeling on the Matterhorn.
Martini and Mittendorf were seen live on CNN being rescued by helicopter to escape an avalanche on the Matterhorn said to have been caused by the sound of lousy yodeling.
Renfield wondered whether these two might be secretly planning something against his boss.
Then to top it off, there were reports that agents of his boss’ arch-enemy the Paris based Vampiress Isis were seen attending the Geneva II Peace Conference Talks on Syria that today were held in the Swiss city of Montreux.
Then agents of the Vampiress Isis were also seen in anti-government protests in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev.
Finally agents of Isis were seen in anti-government protests on the streets of Bangkok Thailand.
Renfield wondered what in the world was going on…
…especially as he viewed the unbelievable and incomprehensible positions he was now seeing on the Internet porn site he was at…
He looked over at his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon to see how he was coping with the world situation.
Amadeus was contentedly munching on Swiss chocolates and humming, “The hills are alive with the sound of music…”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2014.
Dracul Van Helsing 
The Red Horse
January 31, 2014 at 8:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Poetry, Vampire novel) (Ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith, Egypt, Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi, Geneva II Conference, IMF Treaty, IMF Treaty of 1987, Lilith, Muslim Brotherhood, narrative poem, poem, Russia, Syria, Syrian Peace Talks in Geneva, The Red Horse, U.S. Missile Launch Officers' Cheating Scandal, Ukraine, Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych, UN, UN Mediator, United Nations, vampire novel, Vampiress Lilith, Viktor Yanukovych)
The Red Horse
The ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith
bit Ukraine’s President Viktor Yanukovych on the neck
and he fell into a deep sickness
and the Ukrainian government did announce that he was taking sick leave.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert
kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert
found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
The Syrian Peace Talks in Geneva ended in collapse
so the UN mediator hailed it a success
causing the dogs of war to laugh.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert
kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert
found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
In Egypt the Muslim Brotherhood howled and raged and set off many a bomb
while Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi said he might run for Prez ‘midst much aplomb.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
The U.S. says that Russia is simply not following the treaty IMF
while its own nuclear missile launch officers cheat to avoid the grade of F.
And the Red Horse rode into the desert kicking up a storm
And even the children of the desert found it a little warm.
The dust from the hooves swirled and twirled forming a cloud so vast
That even the vultures wondered what has come to pass?
-A vampire novel chapter
written in the form of a poem
written by Christopher
Friday January 31st
2014.
Permalink Leave a Comment