Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers

January 25, 2014 at 5:58 pm (Commentary, History, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Pan Goatee Slaughters Cruise Ship Passengers

Serial killer Pan Goatee who now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government still enjoyed doing freelance slaughtering on his own now and again.

He also enjoyed doing reading on the philosophical topic of aesthetics which dealt with such questions as “What is art? What is beauty?”.

Pan Goatee the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr had decided that it was his personal mission in his genetically created life to make the world a more beautiful and more aesthetically pleasing place.

And of course one way of doing this was to rid the world of ugly people.

Pan Goatee discovered that there were a lot of ugly people in the world especially when he accidentally walked into rooms where feminist groups were meeting.

Rush Limbaugh’s famous remark that “Feminism was a movement designed to help ugly physically unattractive women enter the mainstream of society” was one of the few occasions on which the controversial talk show host was right in Pan Goatee’s opinion.

When Pan Goatee compared photos of the past (before 1970) and portrait paintings from the past (in pre-photography days), he noticed that beautiful women seemed to be in the majority and ugly women were in the minority.

Today in the second decade of the 21st Century, it seemed the world had gone totally topsy-turvy.

Ugly women were in the majority and beautiful women were in the minority.

This probably constituted proof positive that the days of the Antichrist were upon us.

He thought he’d write to the Bible Prophecy teacher he saw on late night television last weekend and tell him so.

Pan Goatee had recently read a joke that one of his FB friends had posted as their status on their Facebook page.

The joke went thus:

Question: Why are Scandinavian women so beautiful?

Answer: Because the Vikings never brought back ugly women on their raids.

Probably a truer Facebook status had never been posted Pan thought.

Pan Goatee blamed today’s aesthetically depreciated world on the U.S. Supreme Court’s Roe vs. Wade decision of 1973.

As a result of abortion being legalized in the U.S. and then spreading across the world, beautiful women realized that now they didn’t have to have children right away if they didn’t want to and since they were beautiful, they always stood an excellent chance of being knocked up again and could have children if they so choose.

Ugly women on the other hand didn’t have this luxury.

There was always the possibility that she as an ugly woman might never again find some male in a drunken stupor totally stoned out of his mind with possibly excellent taste in beer but definitely lousy taste in women to take her home and knock her up.

She might never have this chance to become pregnant again.

The end result was that ugly women carried their ugly offspring to term.

Beautiful women didn’t.

So just as the 1930s and 1940s had the Greatest Generation to boast about, so too did the opening decades of the 21st Century have the Ugliest Generation- if that was something to boast about- which of course it wasn’t.

Pan Goatee was looking at a FB Friend’s Facebook page.

The friend was on a cruise ship to Alaska.

And had posted pictures.

My God, Pan thought as he looked at the photos, that cruise ship certainly had a lot of ugly looking people on it.

This was probably ruining his FB friend’s cruise.

Although Pan had never met the man, the man had been nice enough to send him a Facebook friend invitation.

So Pan put on a t-shirt that said Let’s Make Abortion Retroactive and astral projected to the cruise ship where he slaughtered all the ugly passengers.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 24th

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