Weird Weather All Over The World

February 13, 2014 at 7:13 pm (Commentary, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Weird Weather All Over The World

Pan Goatee was walking down the streets of Washington DC reading a book on Renaissance art that he had recently purchased at the Smithsonian Bookshop when suddenly a foot of snow fell on top of him.

“Oh shit,” Pan said to himself.

He was too frozen to be able to concentrate to astral project his astral self to go for help.

. . .

The ancient Middle Eastern god Moloch was too busy smiling to care what the weather was like in Brussels.

The Belgian Parliament had just passed a law legalizing euthanasia for children.

The fierce-looking god walked the streets of Brussels singing the lyrics of that old Louis Armstrong song, “And I think to myself what a wonderful world…”

. . .

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley tired of constantly turning into a werewolf on the streets of London not to mention his howlingly successful colossal failures in the field of international diplomacy decided to give himself a much needed rest by doing a little ice fishing in the streams of his native Wales.

As he reeled in plenty of ice but little fish on his rod, the lycanthropic Marxist inclined far Leftist parliamentarian was suddenly hit by a hurricane force wind that came at him out of right field.

As Magog blew down the stream, he said aloud, “I think this is how Sherlock Holmes met his end in the Conan Doyle story The Final Problem wasn’t it?”.

“Not at all,” a Welsh shepherd calmly smoking his pipe against a tree remarked as Magog blew by, “that happened at Reichenbach Falls in the northern Swiss Alps not a stream in Wales. And he died- only to return again in The Return of Sherlock Holmes- while battling the evil Prof. Moriarty not stupidly being out in weather that neither man nor beast should be out in.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was about to head out the door of his home which was his employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion when Amadeus Emanon his co-employee asked him, “Aren’t you afraid to go out in this weather with all the weather warnings that the Weather Office has issued?”.

“Not at all,” the shapeshifting hamster/human guffawed with glamorous glee, “that nasty weather isn’t going to hit London.”

No sooner had Renfield stepped outside and closed the door behind him, he was then immediately hit by a full-scale typhoon.

“Holy shit,” Renfield cried out before being swept away.

“Do you suppose Renfield is having a bowel movement in Holy Water?” Amadeus asked Set’s butler and valet Athelstan after he heard Renfield’s cry.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 13th

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