Renfield Seeks A Knighthood

March 16, 2014 at 6:06 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Seeks A Knighthood

Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan the butler were having a tough time around the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set these days.

For Renfield R. Renfield had become an insufferable braggard.

Well even more of an insufferable braggard than usual.

He had returned from Paris almost a month ago after being hailed as a national hero by the French for cutting off the ear of the most unpopular judge on the Parisienne Idol talent show.

Now it was said by many that Renfield was the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human that Simon Cowell was most afraid of.

In addition to that, Renfield had recently started watching the American television show The Blacklist.

Now he was busy boasting to Amadeus and Athelstan that the show’s character of Raymond “Red” Reddington was most likely modeled on him Renfield R. Renfield.

“Notice that even our initials are the same- R. R. R.,” Renfield bragged.

And of course Renfield had never let anyone forget the fact that he had been nominated for the French Legion of Honour Medal for cutting off the Parisienne Idol judge’s ear.

Even the Vampire Set had been spending most of his time either outside the mansion giving advice to the Bank of England or safely locked away in his sarcophagus in the mansion’s Egyptology Room as part of his effort to escape Renfield’s nauseating bragging.

“Even the Paris atmosphere likes me,” Renfield boasted after downing several kegs of Newcastle Brown Ale which he had mistaken for barrels of naturally pure London rainwater, “when I was in Paris, the air was clear. Now the City is enveloped in smog with me gone.”

The ghastly Paris smog had caused the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to be rushed to hospital after she flew into the Eiffel Tower while she was out flying because she couldn’t see where she was going due to the heavy smog.

While being admitted to the hospital emergency room, she did a lot of complaining not because of her injuries but because she had ruined her €50,000 Versace evening dress.

Now Renfield R. Renfield’s next goal in life was to receive a knighthood from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

“Do you suppose Her Majesty the Queen will ever give me a knighthood?” Renfield had asked Athelstan causing the butler to spill tea and crumpets all over himself when Renfield asked the question.

After reading a blog entry written by his boss Set’s mortal enemy (as opposed to Set’s immortal enemy the Vampiress Isis) the Canadian vampire hunter Christopher Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield got an idea.

Being the excellent hacker he was, he started hacking into various communications systems all over the Asia-Pacific and Indian Ocean regions.

Finally Renfield noticed a very intriguing pattern as he analyzed various satellite and tracking maps.

“Malaysia used to be a British colony didn’t it, Athelstan?” Renfield asked the encyclopedically knowledgeable butler and valet.

“Yes, sir,” Athelstan answered as he carefully carried the tray of tea and crumpets down the hallway.

“Do you suppose the Queen would give me a knighthood if I was the one who found the location of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370?” Renfield asked.

A loud crash could be heard coming from the hallway.

“I was so looking forward to that plate of tea and crumpets,” Amadeus sighed from the next room.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 16th
2014.

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