Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

April 12, 2014 at 7:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were enjoying some chips and chip dip and watching BBC World News on the television in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

“This news report just in,” the BBC World News anchorman intoned…

“I always enjoy the news more when Naga Munchetty is reading the news,” Renfield quipped.

“I’ve noticed that,” Amadeus stated.

“… The attempted machete attack on Mr. Miliband in the Old City of Jerusalem occurred in the midst of the British Labour Party leader’s 3-day visit to Israel and the West Bank,” said the anchorman.

“Someone tried to attack Ed Miliband?” Amadeus stopped in the middle of dipping his chip.

“The assailant captured on this mobile phone cam closely resembles Kermit the Frog as you can see…” the anchorman went on.

“Indeed, ’tis the very spitting image of Kermit,” Renfield said in somewhat theatrical fashion as he continued to enjoy his chips ‘n chip dip.

“Israeli police seemed unable to wrestle the machete wielding amphibian assailant to the ground,” the anchorman’s black hair started turning white as he spoke, “for they seemed to pass right through the body of Kermit as if he were a spirit.
The maniacal frog whose life of “it isn’t easy being green” was obviously getting to him ended up being stopped in his tracks when Interpol agent Peter Whitstable threw a vial of water at him…”

“Obviously Kermit feels the same way about water as W. C. Fields did,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of brandy.

“Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol later told a BBC reporter that the vial contained Holy Water personally blessed by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI…”

“Well conservative Catholics who are upset with Pope Francis will be happy to hear that,” Renfield licked his lips as he fondly remembered the huge all beef patty cheeseburger he ate yesterday which was a Friday.

“I can’t believe Kermit the Frog turned out to be a homicidal maniac,” Amadeus wept, “one of my childhood heroes gone.”

“Yeah the trouble with childhood heroes,” Renfield belched as he started hitting a bottle of bourbon, “is they either die like Shirley Temple and Mickey Rooney or they end up homicidal maniacs like Kermit the Frog and Oscar Pistorius.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 12th
2014.

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