Poetic Reflection On That Wedding Time of Year
Poetic Reflection On That Wedding Time of Year
It’s late May
approaching June
It’s that wedding time of year
You see them in restaurants and bars everywhere
men dressed in their best tuxedos and suits
Women dressed in their finest dresses
caught between the time of the morning wedding ceremony
and the evening wedding reception
looking to kill time
while the bride, groom, bride’s maids, best man and groom’s men
get their photos taken in some exotic locale- park, beach or forest
so the guests look to kill time
and they do it by drinking
Jim Croce sang about saving time in a bottle
these people kill time in a bottle
The booze flows like a cascading waterfall from a mountain
or a gushing spring out of the ground
They show up at the reception thoroughly sloshed
and then drink oodles of champagne at the wedding feast itself
Whoever said marriage is enough to drive men and women to drink
knew what they were talking about.
-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday May 31st 2014.
Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet
Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet
As Renfield swam in the hotel swimming pool, he recalled the conversation he had last Saturday night with Sekhmet the lead female singer for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers after their on-stage performance at The Tropicana Nightclub.
During the performance he had looked around for any sign of the ET gray but couldn’t spot any.
After the show he went backstage and ended up talking to Sekhmet.
Renfield was still dressed in blackface having performed an impromptu Al Jolson minstrel show performance in a Chinese restaurant earlier that evening much to the horror of embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling.
So Sekhmet naturally mistook him for an Afro-American and Renfield played along speaking in an American Deep South southern accent.
Renfield told her that his name was Merlin Houdini Johnson and that he was the shortest player on the entire Los Angeles Clippers basketball team.
Renfield said how much he enjoyed their performance and particularly her outfit.
Sekhmet said that she’d be wearing the same outfit when they performed on The Arsenio Hall Show a few days hence.
Renfield said that he really loved her fringe skirted lion mini dress and her belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
What would really give the finishing touches to her outfit, Renfield suggested, would be if she could get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun and put it inside her belt while she sang.
The resulting fashion ensemble would be an out-of-this-world experience and would make the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers performance on The Arsenio Hall Show the most talked about performance in television history ever since The Beatles first performed on The Ed Sullivan Show back in February 1964.
Sekhmet blew an eyelash when Renfield spoke these words.
As a matter of fact, Sekhmet said, as she adjusted her dress and her belt, she did know how to get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun.
Splendid, splendid, Renfield temporarily reverted back to his British accent, then he’d look forward to seeing her on The Arsenio Hall Show.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 28th
2014.
Renfield In Southern California
Renfield In Southern California
“A young woman’s buttocks are still stinging after a drive-by spanking that occurred at a street corner in West Hollywood last night…”
Renfield turned off the alarm clock radio in his hotel room.
Yes, he was definitely in Southern California all right.
Southern California would be the only place on Earth where such a news story would happen.
. . .
Renfield contacted an entertainment reporter he knew at KTLA Channel 5 News in Los Angeles for the scoop on Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.
He had deduced from stories on the Internet that this band knew the whereabouts of the ET gray who crashed his UFO in the desert near Mesa, Arizona.
He learned they were playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles.
Renfield would attend their concert tonight.
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield passed a shoe shine stand as he walked along the street.
That was interesting, Renfield thought to himself.
He had often seen shoe shine stands in old classic American movies from the ’30s, ’40s, ’50s and ’60s.
He didn’t know they still existed.
Renfield continued walking in what he presumed was the direction of The Tropicana Nightclub.
He happened to pass a Chinese restaurant where he noticed that embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was sitting and complaining in a loud voice, “Why are there so many Asians in this place?”.
This gave Renfield an idea.
He still had an hour to kill before the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers concert at The Tropicana.
He returned to the shoe shine stand where he bought some black shoe polish from the shoe shine boy.
He then borrowed a compact mirror from a woman wearing a sexy Halloween nurse’s outfit who said her name was Akira and she was trying to find her way to West Hollywood.
Renfield replied in his British accent that he was a stranger in Los Angeles and had no idea where West Hollywood was located.
As Akira held the compact mirror for him, Renfield applied the black shoe polish to his face, neck, arms and hands.
He borrowed some rouge lipstick from her and made his lips much bigger.
He soon looked like a blackface Al Jolson about to perform in one of those minstrel shows from the 1920s.
He thanked Akira for the use of the red lipstick and the compact mirror and continued walking down the street.
He then went into the Chinese restaurant where Donald Sterling was sitting.
Upon entering the restaurant and helping himself to both a top hat and walking stick from the coat check, Renfield immediately burst into a rendition of that old Al Jolson song Mammy.
He sang (mixing up the lyrics of the two old Al Jolson songs Mammy and Swanee), “Mammy, how I love ya. How I love ya.”
He then went up to Donald Sterling and gave him a kiss on the lips.
As Renfield left the restaurant and continued down the street, he could hear the restaurant’s doorman shouting up and down the street, “Paging an ambulance for Mr. Sterling. Ambulance for Mr. Sterling.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 24th
2014.
A Recommendation of Books For You
A Recommendation of Books For You
Here’s a recommendation of books for you.
My friend Timothy Wood who I met 9 years ago at a Blogging site called Journalspace is a writer who works as a part-time chef in Port Elizabeth South Africa.
He writes under the nom-de-plume SAREJESS which is a combination of the first letters of the names of his 3 daughters Sarah, Rebecca and Jessica.
Tim has had a life long battle with dyslexia.
As a child growing up in South Africa, the local school board told his parents that he couldn’t go to school because he’d never learn how to read.
So his grandmother took him under her tutelage and taught him to read using the King James Bible, the works of William Shakespeare, the novels of Charles Dickens, the novels of Sir Walter Scott and the novels of Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters.
He was able to pass the school entrance exams as a result.
Tim has written 4 novels- The First Book of Samuel, The Second Book of Samuel, The Tuthmosis Diaries and The Sterleys of Oakland Park.
The First Book of Samuel and The Second Book of Samuel are about Samuel the Bethlehem innkeeper who turned away the Holy Family of Joseph, Mary and the unborn child Jesus because there was no room for them in the inn.
In Tim’s imagination, Samuel the Bethlehem innkeeper is then doomed to walk the earth until the Second Coming of Christ.
The First and Second Books of Samuel then record Samuel’s adventures throughout history as he meets scientists, inventors, adventurers, explorers, early Chinese emperors, medieval Byzantine emperors, British monarchs and American Presidents.
The Tuthmosis Diaries are about an ancient Egyptian mummy who comes to life and proceeds to wreak chaos and havoc throughout the land.
The Sterleys of Oakland Park is a historical regency romance novel written in the style of Jane Austen full of humour and unforgettable characters including a clergyman’s wife who as Tim puts it, “if she had been a cook in Britain’s Royal Navy, she’d have been the most formidable weapon in Napoleon’s arsenal.”
Tim has published the books through a self-publishing company Lulu.com
The books are available for sale at
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/sarejess
I’d recommend these books to people who are lovers of the classics and love books that are both informative and entertaining at the same time.
Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray
Sekhmet Explains The ET Gray
Nero Wilson sat in the hotel dining room drinking orange juice and eating pancakes.
It had been a couple of days since he had discovered the ET gray in his hotel bedroom closet.
He found out that the ET gray had been introduced to his band’s lead singer Sekhmet after the open-air desert concert outside Mesa, Arizona by a groupie of the band named Lana who had then made out with the band’s drummer Dave Wilson (stage name Abbott Costello).
Sekhmet had hidden the ET gray in her suitcase telling everyone that it was just a teddy bear a fan had given her.
And so the ET gray had been in her suitcase the whole time they had driven from Arizona to California.
The ET gray had then been in the closet in Sekhmet’s hotel room but he had gone out in the night to take an extraterrestrial leak and when he came back in the darkness, all the hotel rooms had looked the same to him so he entered Nero Wilson’s room and closet by mistake.
Stories about Nero Wilson’s finding the ET gray in his closet had hit the Internet the same way a diarrhea ridden acrobatic knife thrower’s shit would hit the fan.
Of course one good thing about the story was that it made for two sold out performances the past couple of nights at The Tropicana Nightclub a small venue in downtown Los Angeles where his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers were performing.
Plus he had also been invited to be a guest and have his band perform on The Arsenio Hall Show while he was here in Los Angeles as a result of the story about him and the ET gray.
. . .
“I see six young people in Iran were arrested for filming a tribute video to Pharrell Williams’ song Happy,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate his Happy Meal from McDonald’s.
“I suppose the assholes who govern Iran don’t want anyone in the country to be happy,” Renfield R. Renfield replied as he ate his Filet ‘o Fish.
“I suppose not,” Amadeus answered.
Amadeus then noticed that Renfield was booking a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles on his laptop.
“Why are you flying to Los Angeles?” Amadeus asked.
Renfield winced.
He dare not tell bigmouth chatterbox Amadeus that he had been hired by their boss’ Archenemy the Vampiress Isis to steal a laser death ray gun from an ET gray.
Nor that the ET gray had shown up in Los Angeles according to the Internet’s leading social networking sites.
So Renfield said, “I’m going to see how my porn movie company in Orange County is doing.”
It was perfectly true that Renfield owned a small pornographic film studio in Orange County and he occasionally checked in from time to time to see how they were doing (not to mention personally auditioning young actresses who were hoping to break into the industry).
“Oh I see,” Amadeus decided to change the subject, “that Prince Charles while visiting an Immigration Museum in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada compared Vladimir Putin’s recent actions to Hitler’s actions in the 1930s.”
“He did?” Renfield suddenly turned white.
For it was Renfield’s latest project and goal and dream in life that he be awarded a knighthood from The Queen sometime this year.
Renfield immediately went on to Facebook and unfriended Vladimir Putin.
. . .
“I’m going to kill him,” Russian President Vladimir Putin shrieked and foamed at the mouth to Russian Vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva.
“Who?” Svetlana asked, “Charles, Prince of Wales for comparing you to Hitler?”.
“No,” Putin went apoplectic, “Renfield R. Renfield for unfriending me on Facebook.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 21st
2014.
Nero Wilson and The ET Gray
Nero Wilson and The ET Gray
Nero Wilson the lead electrical violinist for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers was lying in bed in his hotel in Los Angeles California.
He was playing a gig somewhere in LA tonight.
He couldn’t remember where.
A few nights ago he and his band were playing an open-air concert in the desert outside Mesa, Arizona- the same night that rumours were circulating that a UFO had crashed in the vicinity of the concert.
Maybe a UFO had crashed that night.
After all members of his band were acting pretty strange since then.
Well even stranger than usual he should say.
His cousin Dave Wilson (whose band name was Abbott Costello) the drummer had naturally got lucky with a groupie that night and had made out with a hot looking brunette named Lana who coincidentally was wearing a mini dress with a picture of ET on it.
His cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band name was Bud Lou) the electrical guitarist was once again complaining that he had no one to make out with.
And at the rate he was going, Charlie had whined, it was going to take him forever to equal Mick Jagger’s bedding record.
The band’s lead (and only) female singer Sekhmet had hidden what appeared to be a large teddy bear in her suitcase and wouldn’t let anyone near it.
All the while drinking bottles of blood (of course that wasn’t so unusual. That was something Sekhmet had done since Nero first met her).
Then they had left Arizona and had driven to California in their old 1960s Volkswagen van that still had old hippy peace symbols on it as well as stickers that said Make Love Not War, Peace Now, Ban The Bomb, and Nuke Nixon.
Sekhmet was sleeping in her coffin in the back (as she always did whenever they drove in the daylight).
Her suitcase now had a combination lock on it.
Charlie and Dave were busy performing Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony with their coughing and hacking and respiratory problems as a result of driving with the windows open (the van’s air conditioning system had apparently died on the same day as Charles de Gaulle according to the used car salesman from whom they bought the van) and they were inhaling all that smoke blowing in from the Southern California wild fires as they drove west.
Nero Wilson the only member of the group who was wearing an oxygen mask was having no problems as he drove the van.
Quite a memorable trip west, Nero thought as he went and showered.
When he had finished showering and shaving and brushing his teeth, he came out of the bathroom and went over to the closet.
When he opened the closet, an ET gray walked out.
As rumours on the Internet social networking sites would put it later, ET gray comes out of the closet in Nero Wilson’s California hotel room.
Nero Wilson’s mother Agrippina almost choked on her mushroom soup back home in Cleveland Ohio as she read the rumour that had been shared over 17,155 times on a close friend’s Facebook status.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 19th
2014.
Marlowe’s Last Case: A Film Noir Poem
Marlowe’s Last Case: A Film Noir Poem
Hot night
cool breeze
a kiss by nature
wiping away the perspiration
the way other kisses
can wipe away tears
Marlowe smoked his last cigarette
looked at the blue purple and red of the sunset
as it set on Sunset Boulevard
The lights of the city shone
against the encroaching darkness
Neon flashed like a twinkling star
welcoming all to step in the dark
and be guided along by the neon signs
angels of the night showing the way
The way to what? Marlowe mused
Sin or redemption?
Maybe both.
Perhaps you can’t have one without the other.
In the shadows she approached
The outline of her figure highlighted
by the street lights
Mink coat
white blouse
Tight gray skirt
Spiked stilettos hitting the sidewalk pavement
like castanets on fingers of Spanish dancers
She stood in the open light
Her long dark hair as black
as the midnight sky of an Alaskan winter
There she was Marlowe thought
The ultimate femme fatale
Mr. Marlowe? Her voice whispered
like the call of dawn to a night that was far too long
I’m Marlowe, he answered blowing the last ring of smoke
from his last cigarette
Good-bye Mr. Marlowe, she pulled a gun out of her purse and shot him.
He didn’t have the strength to say good-bye
All those pellets of lead in his chest
seemed to restrict his speaking ability
to say nothing of his breathing
Oh well, he at least got one thing right
It was his last consolation
as his eyes fell into a darkness as black as her hair
She really was the ultimate femme fatale.
-A film noir poem
written by Christopher
Sunday May 18th
2014.
Renfield Meets Isis In Paris
Renfield Meets Isis In Paris
Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in an exclusive Parisienne sidewalk cafe restaurant and drinking cafe au lait while reading about the upcoming Florence Italy wedding nuptials of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
“I wonder if they’ll invite me to the wedding,” Renfield mused aloud as he added more sugar to his cafe au lait.
“You know Kim Kardashian or Kanye West?” The French waiter asked Renfield.
“She and her sisters once gave me a blow job underneath a table in a McDonald’s in Manhattan,” Renfield replied as he sprayed some whipping cream on top of his cafe au lait.
The waiter left.
Renfield was to meet the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in this restaurant to discuss a business proposition.
Renfield who worked for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set didn’t know whether he should be meeting his Boss’ archenemy (who was also his boss’ sister and sister-in-law) but when Isis offered to take him to an exclusive Parisienne restaurant where they clandestinely served mermaid sandwiches made from mermaids caught from the River Seine, Renfield immediately accepted.
The only thing Renfield loved more than a tuna fish sandwich was a mermaid sandwich made from freshly caught mermaids and he had read in the Mermaid Connoisseur’s Digest that the Mermaids from the River Seine were an exceptionally exquisite delicacy.
He had never tried them before.
He had tried Japanese mermaid sushi in Tokyo and Irish mermaid cooked in Guinness in the town of Galway in Ireland but he had never tried French mermaid (fresh from the River Seine) cooked in a delicate red Burgundy wine and covered with a finely laced mushroom gravy.
Renfield decided not to bring his co-worker Amadeus Emanon with him on this particular business trip as Amadeus would always become visibly upset and start crying whenever Renfield ate a mermaid sandwich.
He would always start sobbing, “Ariel. Poor little Ariel.”
In his opinion, Amadeus had seen the Walt Disney animated film The Little Mermaid once too many times.
“I’m here,” the Vampiress Isis announced as she sat down in a beautiful beige evening dress.
She’s quite a looker, Renfield had to admit to himself.
In fact it took every ounce of his will power to stop himself from masturbating on the spot.
“So,” Isis explained the matter of the UFO that had crashed a few nights ago near Mesa, Arizona and how a U.S. Border Patrol officer had been disintegrated by a laser death ray fired from an ET gray’s gun, “I want you to steal this ET gray’s laser death ray gun and give it to me.”
“For what purpose?” Renfield asked as he bit into his hot steaming red Burgundy and mushroom gravy covered mermaid sandwich.
“That I can’t reveal,” Isis answered as she raised one side of her dress revealing a shapely black silk nylon covered leg.
Renfield used his napkin to cover his erection.
“Well,” said Renfield, “I need you to swear by Atum-Ra that you won’t use this laser death ray against my boss Set or any friend, acquaintance or employee of my boss Set.”
Isis raised her right hand and said, “By Atum-Ra, I do so swear.”
Renfield accepted this for no ancient Egyptian vampire or Vampiress worth his or her salt would swear an oath to Atum-Ra in vain.
“Why me?” Renfield asked.
“Because while I hate to admit this with you being an employee of my enemy Set and all,” she leaned forward showing her amply endowed breasts, “but in my opinion you’re the best thief in the world.”
Renfield had to admit that he was.
In fact Renfield had to admit that he often thought that the dashing and debonair Sir Sean Connery should play him in a film about one of his numerous master thief exploits.
Isis agreed.
They cemented the deal with an act of tantric sex on the dining room table.
In another corner of the restaurant, French President Francois Hollande stared in fixed fascination.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 17th
2014.
Dracul Van Helsing 