Illegal Alien?

May 14, 2014 at 7:14 pm (Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Illegal Alien?

In the desert outside the City of Mesa, Arizona was an open-air concert in the night.

Lana was attending with friends.

She was brunette, 19-years-old and wearing a black mini dress with a picture of ET on it.

The band that was playing the open air concert in the desert was Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.

They were a group that played an electronic version of Renaissance and Baroque music.

Their lead instrumentalist Nero Wilson was an electric violinist who had failed miserably at fulfilling his mother’s ambition for him to become Mayor of Cleveland Ohio.

Their lead singer Sekhmet on stage wearing a lion-skin mini dress was an Egyptian Vampiress suffering from amnesia.

They had just come back to America from a 3-year stint performing in the United Kingdom and Europe.

For a while last year they had a non-electronic instrumentalist in the form of one Pan Goatee who played the pan pipes.

Suspected by Scotland Yard and German police of being a serial killer, Pan Goatee now worked as a hired assassin for the U.S. government.

The concert finished with Nero Wilson’s hit song Rome Is Burning Like An Arizona Wildfire.

With lights and electronic fires going off on stage, no one else but Lana noticed the UFO falling from the sky after striking the mesa and then falling to the desert where it burst into flame.

Lana ran in the direction of the fallen UFO while her friends remained behind to cheer and applaud the band.

She came across the remains of the charred UFO.

There on the sandy ground next to the crashed vehicle was the body of a gray (for Lana knew her ET vocabulary) about 4 feet in height.

His/her eyes were closed.

Lana wasn’t sure whether the being was dead or not.

Suddenly the creature opened its eyes and spoke in perfect English, “Take me to your Pope.”

Lana was taken aback.

Being a fan of 1950s sci-fi films, she was under the impression that if ET aliens spoke English, their first words would be “Take me to your leader.”

While the current Pope was certainly very popular, both Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin would probably vigorously object to the Pope being considered the leader of planet Earth.

To say nothing of what her Belfast-born Northern Ireland Presbyterian grandfather would have to say on this subject.

Just then bright lights shone in the direction of the ET gray and Lana.

It was the headlights from a jeep belonging to the U.S. Border Patrol.

“U.S. Border Patrol,” the uniformed officer shouted from the jeep, “on the lookout for illegal aliens. I want to see your proper documentation and I’m not going to ask twice.”

Indeed the man did not ask twice.

For he was immediately disintegrated by the laser death ray fired from the ET gray’s gun.

In the distance, the Men In Black were already on their way.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 14th
2014.

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Ancient Dreamcatcher

May 13, 2014 at 5:52 pm (History, Mystery, Short Story, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

Ancient Dreamcatcher

The year was 1986.

The KGB agent stationed in Dresden East Germany was paying a visit to East Berlin.

There from a street corner vendor he bought a very old Native American dream catcher.

How the vendor got ahold of this ancient dream catcher he did not say.

The dream catcher was Lakota Sioux in origin although neither the vendor nor the KGB agent knew that.

It had been purchased back in the 1930s by an influential German who loved American western novels and thought it would be nice to have an authentic western Native American relic.

The man kept it in his room where he imagined it caught his dreams.

Later the dream catcher was lost until the street vendor found it in a pile of rubble.

The KGB agent put away the dream catcher upon his return to Dresden and forgot all about it.

. . .

The former KGB agent returned to Moscow from Sochi where he had attended the opening ceremonies of the 2014 Winter Olympics.

He decided to open an old trunk he kept in his office- that contained various souvenirs he had collected over the years.

In the trunk, he came across the old and very ancient Dream Catcher he had purchased from the street vendor in East Berlin back in 1986.

He remembered the incident and the old street vendor.

He decided to hang the Dream Catcher in his bed room.

Maybe it would bring him great dreams after having attended the opening ceremonies in Sochi.

Thus the former KGB agent from Dresden hung in his bedroom the old Lakota Sioux dream catcher that had caught the dreams of that influential German who loved American Western novels and had purchased the item way back in the 1930s.

Vladimir Putin slept.

And the Dream Catcher that had caught the dreams of Adolf Hitler seem to come alive as the moonlight shone through the window.

-A short story
written by Christopher
Sunday May 11th
2014

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The Son of Medusa On Mother’s Day

May 11, 2014 at 3:46 pm (Horror, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

The Son of Medusa On Mother’s Day

It was Mother’s Day
and he was the son of Medusa
His mother was a witch
She turned people to stone
As stony as her heart
He never felt as alone in the world
As he did on Mother’s Day
Such was the fate of the Son of Medusa.

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Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

May 10, 2014 at 7:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had a very important prisoner down in the cell.

He was a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group who had been captured by British commandos in northeastern Nigeria.

The commandos captured the Islamist terrorist without help from members of the regular Nigerian military in the region (who were busy masturbating over watching American and Japanese porn films on their smart phones and tablets thanks to the help of a Google drone in the region providing high-flying wi-fi Internet access).

Inspector Depp’s task was to get the prisoner to reveal the whereabouts of the over 250 kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls.

Inspector Depp’s knowledge and past experience had shown him that the best person to interrogate and extract information from total scumbags was none other than one Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was delighted to get the call from Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard.

It had been a few months since he had last interrogated and tortured anybody.

He didn’t want to lose his touch.

He was so happy about getting the call to interrogate somebody, he didn’t even finish the tuna fish sandwich he was eating (Renfield had a severe addiction to eating tuna fish sandwiches).

Instead he put it in a paper bag, put a combination lock on the bag (so no one else could get at it) and put the bag in the refrigerator and then promptly closed the refrigerator door.

He then grabbed his tool kit of torture instruments and put on his hat and coat while whistling the song Whistle While You Work.

As he ran out the door, he almost knocked over the white evening dress wearing New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont who was here to go on a Saturday night dinner date with Renfield’s sole friend in the world Amadeus Emanon prior to her performing in a late evening performance of a new West London musical adaptation of the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. movie The Wolfman in which she sang the role of Gwen Conliffe.

“Can’t talk now,” Renfield called out after her.

. . .

Renfield entered the cell where the Boko Haram prisoner sat.

Renfield slapped his tool kit down on the table and removed his instruments of torture while he continued to whistle the song Whistle While You Work.

The Boko Haram prisoner tried to look brave although his eyes kept growing wider each time Renfield removed an instrument from his tool box and kissed it.

“So,” Renfield smiled a wide smile at the prisoner, “I hear you black guys have 9-inch penises. Might be the reason why Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling hates you guys so much.”

The prisoner said nothing.

But smiled a big smile.

“Well,” Renfield grinned, “if it’s true, by the time I’m finished with you, you won’t have a 9-inch penis anymore.”

The prisoner stopped smiling.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 10th
2014

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The Darkness of A Thousand Yesterdays

May 9, 2014 at 5:39 pm (Poetry) (, , )

The Darkness of A Thousand Yesterdays

The darkness of a thousand yesterdays fills the mind with grief and pain
a darkness that falls and falls like the ceaseless drops of pouring rain
a thousand rejections, a thousand stabs in the back
leave the mind broken and wrecked like a body on a medieval rack

The darkness of a thousand yesterdays whose lingering fog threatens to extinguish today’s light
The darkness of a thousand yesterdays that threaten to turn all tomorrows into endless night

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday May 9th 2014

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Diablos Nocturna and The New Atlantis

May 9, 2014 at 4:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna and The New Atlantis

He was the man at Britain’s Secret Intelligence Service’s Foreign section MI-6 that was known only by his code name Diablos Nocturna.

Although he was not currently abroad from the United Kingdom like he usually was.

In fact he was in the delightful English Cotswolds town of Tewkesbury visiting an antiquarian book dealer who specialized in rare books.

Diablos Nocturna had been told what to look for in the bookshop by agents of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Diablos Nocturna had met the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec on numerous occasions.

Diablos Nocturna went to the bookshelf where he had been directed.

There on that shelf he found a rare original copy of the original printed edition of Sir Francis Bacon’s The New Atlantis first published in 1627.

Even though the work was unfinished (Bacon having died on April 9th, 1626), his publishers thought it would be a good thing for posterity if the philosopher’s utopian novel was published.

Diablos Nocturna went to Page 17 of the 46 page book as had been suggested by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

There he found a handwritten note dated April 2nd 1626 (a week before Bacon died) that had been personally signed Francis Bacon, Baron Verulam and Viscount St. Alban.

The note read, When Russia has destroyed the New Atlantis, the old Atlantis shall arise in Europe like a Phoenix from the ashes and embers of the New Atlantis.

. . .

The note could be a forgery but knowing Qonzilqointec, she wouldn’t have directed him to a forgery since she was aware that experts working for her enemies (i.e. the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis and her allies) would use all their tools at hand to test the document’s authenticity should it be released into the public domain.

Diablos Nocturna purchased the book from the Tewkesbury antiquarian book dealer using his MI-6 Platinum Master Spy VISA Gold Card #007.

“Never seen one of these before,” the antiquarian book dealer remarked as he checked the card.

“You probably won’t see too many again in the future,” Diablos Nocturna quipped, “for they are as rare as the books you sell.”

. . .

When Diablos Nocturna returned to MI-6 Headquarters at Vauxhall Cross, London, he photographed the book, the cover and all its pages plus the handwritten note with Bacon’s cryptic prophecy and emailed the photos to CIA Agent Bob Belfor at CIA Headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

He decided on Belfor because Qonzilqointec had informed Diablos of Belfor’s attempt on her life at Cinco de Mayo festivities in Mexico City a few days ago.

He figured that Belfor then was probably one of the Egyptian Vampiress Isis’ CIA puppets.

So a good person to send the info to.

Then sit and watch the fun begin.

. . .

Bob Belfor spit out his Subway sandwich and his glass of Coke all over his white shirt and tie as soon as he read Diablos Nocturna’s message.

He immediately got in touch with his superiors.

Not his superiors at the agency or even in government but his superiors in the Masonic lodge to which he belonged.

. . .

Belfor contacted his lodge’s Worshipful Master who contacted the Grand Master presiding over the Grand Lodge in the jurisdiction who then went up the Masonic ladder until the Grand Commander of the Supreme Council of the 33rd Degree of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, Southern Jurisdiction in Washington DC was contacted.

. . .

United States President Barack Obama took the call.

It was the Grand Commander of the Supreme Council of the 33rd Degree of the Ancient and Accepted Rite of Freemasonry, Southern Jurisdiction in Washington DC calling.

On the television that was on while the President talked, the documentary program quoted a quote that Leon Trotsky had made in 1934, “When there’s a United States of Europe, then there shall be a United States of the World.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 9th
2014

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Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland

May 8, 2014 at 7:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland

The Egyptian Vampiress Isis was dressed like an Egyptian queen as she inspected NATO troops in Poland.

She wore a long flowing white dress, a necklace of diamonds, jade, rubies and sapphires, a diamond tiara adorned by a precious pearl at the top that was cut in the shape of a crescent moon, and silver embroidered spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes that had on each shoe a pure gold coin as round as the circumference of the sun and bearing the image and inscription of the ancient Roman deity Sol Invictus.

The NATO soldiers on the ground had no idea who this exotic looking strikingly beautiful woman was who was inspecting them and being led around in her inspection by German Gen. Wolfgang Vulkan.

The soldiers knew it couldn’t be German Chancellor Angela Merkel as (mercifully for them) she looked nothing like the German Chancellor.

She looked like American singing superstar Rihanna.

Watching the spectacle and the inspection was the U.K. ‘s Secret Intelligence Service MI-6 Agent who was known only by his code name Diablos Nocturna.

Diablos Nocturna was pretty sure that the one- eyed German general showing Isis the troops was the ancient Norse vampire Odin worshipped as Odin by the Vikings and as Wotan by the ancient Germanic tribes.

“So Gen. Vulkan,” Isis looked directly into the General’s good-eye, “do you think we’ll finally have a war against Russia?”.

“That is my fondest hope, my lady,” the general bowed to her, “as it is yours.”

. . .

The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem read the document that had been forwarded to him from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

It was a copy of a handwritten note sent to Mr. Netanyahu earlier this year by the Paris-based Egyptian billionairess Isis (whom rumour had it was a Vampiress) offering to help the Israeli government build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided they erected a statue to the ancient Egyptian god Osiris within the Temple.

. . .

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was engaged in a night of passionate lovemaking and steamy sex with the sexy and sultry Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

After sex, both of them put nicotine patches on their bodies to get the respective post-coital nicotine high while escaping the hazards of dying from lung cancer due to smoking cigarettes (although in Isis’ case she needn’t have worried since a wooden stake through the heart would be far more lethal than any cigarette).

As she inhaled the pretend non-existent cigarette in her mouth, she received a text message on her smart phone from Gen. Vulkan, Interesting developments on the ground in Ukraine. It’s Brussels sprouts for the Valkyries.

Isis immediately stood up and got dressed.

Looking every inch an Egyptian queen, she adjusted her dress and announced, “I’ve got to get to NATO Headquarters in Brussels.”

She left.

At that moment, Diablos Nocturna received a text message from the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.

He said with all the eloquence of a Tom Hanks character in a movie adaptation of a Dan Brown novel, “I’ve got to get me to an antiquarian book store in the Gloucestershire town of Tewkesbury.”

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 8th
2014.

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Peter Whitstable On Cinqo de Mayo

May 5, 2014 at 7:17 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable On Cinco de Mayo

Peter Whitstable the man known as the Fox Mulder of Interpol stood in the streets of Mexico City.

He was observing Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

He was also here to protect the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec from assassination.

Qonzilqointec’s rival the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis was going all out to eliminate her rival.

And she thought she’d do it on this anniversary of the Battle of Puebla where the Mexican Army under the leadership of General Ignacio Saragoza Seguin had defeated the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III back in 1862.

Isis had been a staunch ally and supporter of Napoleon III (as she had been of his uncle Napoleon I) and had hoped to be able to rule the world through him.

But the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec’s support of Benito Juarez against Napoleon III’s Hapsburg puppet the Emperor Maximilian of Mexico had upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for the Americas.

And later an upstart Prussian Chancellor named Otto von Bismarck upset Napoleon III’s and Isis’ plan for Europe.

Now Isis was going all out to destroy Qonzilqointec because the Aztec vampire princess was an ally of left-wing governments in Latin America such as Cuba and Nicaragua.

And of course Cuba and Nicaragua were allies of Russian President Vladimir Putin whom Isis had vowed to destroy after a Russian nuclear submarine had used a laser death ray to vapourize her husband/brother/lover Osiris’ spaceship when he attempted to return to Earth on December 21st 2012 thus dashing her hopes as well as the hopes of adherents of Hopi and Aztec and Mayan prophecies and numerous fans of the Ancient Aliens and Nostradumus TV programs on The History Channel.

Isis in her grief had conveniently forgotten that the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had likewise had his returning spaceship vapourized into non-existence by the same laser death ray by the same Russian nuclear submarine on the same date.

Peter Whitstable looked around for signs of the assassin.

He noticed CIA Agent Bob
Belfor wearing dark sunglasses and a t-shirt that said Support The CIA. Buy Latin American Grown Cannabis.

Whitstable had heard that elements of the CIA were in alliance with the ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

He happened to notice Belfor carrying a hawthorn stake- the kind used to kill vampires and vampiresses.

Whitstable put the Amazon jungle blow dart to his lips.

The dart contained not deadly poison but a tranquilizer with the same effects as a knockout pill dropped in a glass of alcohol.

As Belfor approached the dancing red dress wearing Aztec vampire princess who was dancing with a piƱata that looked like Kermit The Frog, Whitstable blew the dart.

Belfor fell to the ground.

The dancing crowd just walked all over him.

Whitstable retreated to a nearby cantina to order himself a well- deserved tequila.

Qonzilqointec lived to dance another day (or night in the case of vampiresses).

And Belfor would wake up with a huge headache.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 5th
2014.

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Dateline: Berlin

May 4, 2014 at 7:20 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dateline: Berlin

Russian President Vladimir Putin was pleased to visit an FSB interrogation room.

For one of his top FSB agents the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had finally captured the Ukrainian Intelligence Service’s top agent the Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Huculak.

Mr. Putin noticed that the blonde Vampiress Miss Huculak was wearing a ripped and torn cream coloured Gucci evening dress.

He then happened to notice that the brunette Vampiress Miss Kireeva was wearing the same cream coloured Gucci evening dress.

He deduced that Miss Kireeva had no doubt ripped and torn Miss Huculak’s dress for wearing the same outfit as she.

Svetlana was no doubt furious that she had been caught undead wearing the exact same dress as another woman.

. . .

The agent for the Portuguese Intelligence Service caught the midnight flight from Lisbon to Berlin.

He was carrying a secret message of a highly delicate nature- so delicate that his superiors decided to send him to Berlin to rendezvous with another agent in person (like in the good old pre-digital days of the Cold War) rather than risk sending it over the Net or some other form of electronic communication where it might be picked up by some highly sophisticated electronic eavesdropping system.

The Portuguese agent was to meet the Israeli Mossad agent by the last remaining portion of the Berlin Wall which served as a memorial to those terrible days at the height of the Cold War when Berlin was a divided city.

The two agents would identify one another with the line, “Please sir, I want some more” to which the other would respond, “What the dickens do you mean?”.

The Portuguese agent saw the man standing alongside the Berlin Wall reading a copy of Oliver Twist.

The Portuguese agent walked over and said, “Please sir, I want some more.”

The other man responded, “What the dickens do you mean?”.

Both men were gunned down by machine gun fire.

“Look Martha,” an American tourist pointed out to his wife on the late night tour bus, “they’re role playing a cross-over escape from east to west.”

“Yeah, that looks like real blood too,”
his wife applied dark rouge lipstick to her lips.

The ‘pro-Russian militia man’ walked over to the body of the Portuguese agent and removed the message from inside the dead man’s vest.

As he walked away, the all-night tour bus was playing on the radio a local Berlin radio talk show where Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov had phoned in to say that he categorically denied that there were any Russian soldiers operating in Berlin these days.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 4th
2014.

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