Lauren Bacall R. I. P.

August 13, 2014 at 3:31 pm (Commentary, Entertainment, History, Movies, Obituaries) (, , , , , , , , )

Lauren Bacall R.I.P.

One of the world’s greatest actresses- a legend from Hollywood’s Golden Era of the Silver Screen- Lauren Bacall- died yesterday at the age of 89.

With a sultry look and a deep sensuous voice, Miss Bacall’s steamy screen presence melted many a male heart in cinemas and theatres all over the world.

She made several movies with and was married to Hollywood screen legend and mega superstar Humphrey Bogart.

In fact the romance of Bogey and Bacall was considered the quintessential Hollywood romance.

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Haiku About Robin Williams

August 12, 2014 at 4:24 pm (Entertainment, Movies, News, Poetry, Television) (, , , )

Haiku About Robin Williams

Giants of laughter
are truly rare now sadness
R.I.P. Robin

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Dr. Cadbury Rocher and His Camellamaroos

August 10, 2014 at 4:35 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher and His Camellamaroos

Set Enterprises’ sanity-challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was in a meeting with his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set showing off his latest genetically manufactured creation

Although the genetically manufactured creation was not present in person.

Dr. Rocher was showing off film from a Set Enterprises experimental farm at a secret location in West Africa.

“I call this creature the Camellamaroo,” Dr. Rocher smiled like a proud father.

“Camellamaroo?” Set had just got one of his vampiric fangs stuck on a kernel of caramel popcorn from the bucket of caramel popcorn he was eating.

“It’s a genetic hybrid I’ve created from the DNA of a dromedary camel, a llama and a kangaroo,” Dr. Rocher explained.

Set rang the bell on the table next to him and called out to his valet, “A toothpick please, Athelstan.”

On the screen appeared two of the Camellamaroo creatures running through desert bush.

The creature had the face and hump of a camel but the arms and feet of a kangaroo and was able to hop and jump at great speed like a kangaroo.

“Where does the llama fit in?” Set asked as he desperately tried to get the kernel of caramel popcorn off his fang.

“It’s able to spit like a llama,” Dr. Rocher grinned.

One of the camellamaroos hops up to someone and spits in their face.

“We also added the DNA of a few tobacco chewing baseball players to increase the ferocity of the spit,” Dr. Rocher beamed beatifically like a sailor in a whorehouse on a Saturday night.

“Where’s that fucking toothpick, Athelstan?” Set called out to his butler again as he started to foam at the mouth.

“Notice the reaction of the person who has just been spit at in the face by the Camellamaroo,” Dr. Rocher enthused ecstatically.

“He’s bleeding from the ears, nose and mouth,” Set reached for the toothpick handed him by Athelstan.

“Exactly,” Dr. Rocher nodded, “I threw in a significant pinch of fruit bat DNA into my Camellamaroo concoction so that it can carry and spread the Ebola virus without being affected themselves. I injected them with a super strain of Ebola virus I created in the lab so that when the virus makes contact with human beings through spit, the symptoms are immediate. Hence the bleeding from the extremities that you see in this film,” Dr. Rocher ended his lecture.

“Very well done,” Set said as he proceeded to bite into a steak sandwich- blue rare.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 9th
2014.

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Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV

August 8, 2014 at 3:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV

Renfield R. Renfield was in the Bavarian city of Munich.

He was in Munich because he had heard that the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was in the city to buy some antique Bavarian beer mugs to add to her boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s collection .

Apparently the Russian leader liked to drink his Russian tea with lemon in it out of authentic Bavarian beer mugs (in contrast to a predecessor Russian President Boris Yeltsin who drank Russian vodka out of Russian tea cups while addressing the nation on national television).

Entire samovars were emptied just to fill one of the Russian leader’s large Bavarian beer mugs with tea.

The rest of the Russian cabinet meeting in the Kremlin meeting room had to wait for the samovar to be filled and the water brought to a boil again to have their cups filled with tea.

Renfield was going to abduct the Russian Vampiress while she was out hunting for Bavarian beer mugs.

Renfield happened to have satellite TV in his Munich hotel room.

He looked at his watch and noted the 10 PM Evening News was probably about to start in the Los Angeles California time zone.

Renfield liked watching the 10 PM Local Evening News from Los Angeles because they always had such totally different lead news stories from anywhere else on the planet.

Renfield turned on the TV.

The TV showed a street at night.

A small boy was riding a tricycle on the sidewalk.

Suddenly both boy and tricycle were caught in a flood of car head beams and flashing lights and the sound of police sirens could also be heard.

Commanding authoritative male voice (speaking through bullhorn megaphone) : Step away from the tricycle and place your hands in the air.

The boy-about 3 or 4 years of age- blinks quizzically in the direction of the head beam lights and says “Huh?”.

Suddenly a hail of bullets and gunfire breaks out and the boy’s white shirt turns blood red and the boy falls backwards off his tricycle and falls to the ground dead.

Voice of TV News Announcer: The police shooting video posted online that has sparked outrage among users of social media…

… coming up on KTLA Channel 5 News at 10…

( The KTLA Channel 5 News at 10 logo is then show on the TV screen)

Renfield (scratching his chin) : Hm. That’s interesting.

He shuts the TV off and heads out of the room to begin his assignment.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 8th
2014.

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Haiku For Miyuki’s Birthday

August 7, 2014 at 4:27 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , )

Here’s a poem I wrote for a friend of mine in Japan whose birthday is today:

Haiku For Miyuki’s Birthday

Sunrise in Japan
hails lovely new dawn today
Miyuki’s birthday

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If Baseball Had Been Around In Shakespeare’s Time

August 6, 2014 at 4:26 pm (Entertainment, Literature, Plays, Satire, Sports) (, , , , , , , )

If Baseball Had Been Around In Shakespeare’s Time

Here is a scenario of what it might have been like if baseball had been around in Shakespeare’s time and a baseball game had been performed within one of Shakespeare’s plays:

Scene: Sir John is up to bat.

The pitcher throws the ball.

Sir John hits the ball with his bat and sends it flying.

Umpire (calling out) : Foul ball.

Sir John (aghast) : Foul ball?

Umpire (nodding his head) : Indeed it t’is. Foul ball.

Sir John (protesting) : Why, I have never seen so fair a foul.

Umpire (taking off his mask) : Are you questioning my decision, sir?

Sir John (standing up to the umpire chin to chin) : Indeed I am, sir.

Umpire : Then thou art a knave and a fool, sir.

Sir John: What sayest thou? That I am a knave and a fool?

Umpire: Indeed I say it. I hast said it. And I will say it again. Thou art a knave and a fool, sir.

Sir John: Then verily I say unto you that thou art a pimple on my lady’s plump bottom, sir.

Umpire (foaming at the mouth) : What? A pimple on thy lady’s plump bottom? I demand that you withdraw that remark, sir.

Sir John: indeed I will not, sir.

Umpire: Ye shall not?

Sir John: Indeed I shall not.

Umpire: Then thou black-hearted snerd, thou leavest me no other choice but to throw you out and cast thee forth from the game.

Sir John : Then thou leavest me no other choice but to remove my trusty sword from my trusty sheath and slay thee.

(Sir John removes his sword from his sheath and stabs the umpire)

Umpire (crying out) : Oh, I am slain.

(falls to ground dead)

Voice of Shakespearian Baseball Announcer: It doth appear that last call was fatal to yon umpire’s career.

FINIS.

Body of dead umpire is carried in solemn procession off the field.

-A short play
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 6th
2014.

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Haiku Written On The 100th Anniversary of The British Empire Declaring War On Germany

August 4, 2014 at 6:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Poetry, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

Haiku Written On The 100th Anniversary of The British Empire Declaring War On Germany

Great Britain and all
its colonies declare war
it’s now a world war

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The 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On France

August 3, 2014 at 5:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History) (, , , , , , , , )

The 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On France

It was 100 years ago today that Germany declared war on France.

Belgium also denies permission for Germany to move its forces through Belgian territory to get to the French border.

King Albert of Belgium’s decision causes massive indigestion for Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm II at dinner time.

Kaiser Bill vows to make waffles of Belgians for breakfast the next day.

-A brief historical commentary
written by
Prof. Christopher Van Helsing
Sunday August 2nd 2014.

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Sleepy Hollow

August 2, 2014 at 4:13 pm (Entertainment, Poetry) (, )

Sleepy Hollow

Hollow people
stand beside hollow trees
asleep to life
asleep to love
Sleepy Hollow indeed.

-A poem written
by Christopher
Saturday August 2nd
2014.

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Haiku Written On 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On Russia- WW1

August 1, 2014 at 4:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Haiku Written On 100th Anniversary of Germany Declaring War On Russia- WW1

August winds of war
a century has now passed
circular ’14?

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