The Mysterious Figure Atop Mount Moriah

November 30, 2014 at 9:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Mysterious Figure Atop Mount Moriah

A mysterious figure walked atop Mount Moriah.

The mount called Temple Mount by the Jews.

And Haram al-Sharif (Noble Sanctuary) by the Muslims.

The man was not seen by either Israeli or Palestinian as he walked atop the mount.

A strong wind suddenly blew down on top of the Mount as he walked.

A voice seemed to echo out of the wind as it engulfed the mount, “What angel directs this whirlwind?”.

The man suddenly vanished.

And darkness fell over the city of Jerusalem as a major massive power outage occurred and a huge dark cloud settled over the city blocking out the stars.

“The lights have gone out over Jerusalem,” a voice said in the darkness.

“And we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime,” a voice next to him answered.

The sound of machine gun fire echoed through the night.

Then the sound of two bodies dropping to the ground.

And then silence.

An eerie silence.

And then the howl of a jackal.

The Night of the Jackal was at hand.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 30th
2014.

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Jack O’ Hare In Ireland

November 28, 2014 at 8:19 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , )

Jack O’ Hare In Ireland

Jack O’ Hare was a bunny rabbit
won a trip, decided to grab it
went to Ireland his ancestral home
where he saw the sea ‘neath the Cliffs of Moher foam
visited the Killarney Lakes
the leprechauns there were quite the flakes
visited Waterford Crystal
where he bought himself a glass pistol
to frighten off that nasty fox
who wanted to taste his harey locks
he looked at Wedgwood pottery
after all, he won the lottery.
Tried to hug a tower that reached to Heaven
It was the tower of the monk Saint Kevin.
He walked along Wexford’s fair streets
to fiddle music he kept the beats
The Irish had never seen such a wild bunny hop
they cheered him on and didn’t ask him to stop.
He watched the sun go down on Galway Bay
and frolicked with many a colleen in Irish hay.
He drank many a Guinness in the town of Dublin
where he received absolution for his past sin.

-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Friday November 28th
2014.

-Jack O’ Hare was the name I gave the wild hare jack rabbit who used to live in my backyard when I lived in the Canadian province of Alberta.

On this my birthday I decided to write a poem honouring my old friend.

Permalink 2 Comments

Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg

November 27, 2014 at 8:21 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg

Amdeus Emanon was in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

Renfield R. Renfield was in the mansion’s broadcast and recording studio and satellite and computer monitoring room.

Amadeus was on his iPad.

He was watching a web cast show that Renfield was doing live from the broadcast room.

After Renfield discovered that actor Alec Baldwin was doing his own web cast show from the back of a New York City taxicab giving relationship advice to unsuspecting couples, Renfield decided to do his own web cast show in which he interviewed the spouses of well known celebrities.

Amadeus looked at the time.

It looked like Renfield’s very first web cast show with his very first guest was about to start.

. . .

“So,” Renfield beamed at the camera as his guest appeared on the satellite TV screen in the studio, “we’re proud to have as our first guest… Mrs. Bill Cosby. Nice to have you with us today, Camille.”

“Good to be here, Mr. Renfield,” Mrs. Cosby smiled.

“So,” Renfield asked his first question, “what’s it like being the wife of a serial rapist?”.

The interview came to an abrupt end far far sooner than Renfield had anticipated.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin getting a blow job from his bodyguard the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.

Putin had been missing his blow jobs for quite a long time recently.

After all being a despotic ruler was quite a strenuous and stressful job.

He used to get good blow jobs from his former bodyguard the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.

But back in August of this year, Svetlana Kireeva had been abducted by persons unknown in Munich, Bavaria.

She was now being held in an MI-6 interrogation center in London.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Vladimir Putin received a call on his personal phone from Renfield R. Renfield.

Several years ago, Renfield had been given the Russian built cyborg Sophia as a gift from Vladimir Putin.

Sophia had originally been created back in September 2010 by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.

(For background on the creation of the red headed female cyborg Sophia please read:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/doing-molochs-work.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sex-and-cyborgs-and-politics.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/renfield-finds-interesting-photo.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/tea-with-renfield-and-dr-nicht.html?m=1

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/amadeus-meets-sophia.html?m=1

)

In the phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, Renfield said he’d sell back the cyborg Sophia to Putin for the sum of $7 billion U. S.

Putin sighed.

Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was never able to create another cyborg as sexually pleasurable as the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.

And Putin also missed Svetlana Kireeva’s breathtakingly ecstatic Midnight Serenades played so lovingly on his instrument by her delicately sensual and exquisitely luscious red lips.

Putin was also tiring of using a saxophone as a substitute sex doll on his own personal instrument (which he had been doing since August).

So Putin seized the property of some poor snook Russian oligarch whom he suddenly accused of treason and then using the back-door money laundering operations of several major Western banks (to avoid the sanctions the West had imposed on Russia over the war in Ukraine), he
paid the $7 billion to Renfield.

In doing so, Putin was totally oblivious to the fact that it had been Renfield R. Renfield who had abducted Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from an antique store in Munich, Bavaria in the first place.

And that it had also been Renfield who was the anonymous seller on eBay who had sold Putin some antique Bavarian beer mugs (that the Russian leader had been looking for) back in August.

Renfield had stolen the antique beer mugs from Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva in the first place (she had purchased them for her boss Putin) when he had abducted her from the antique store in Munich Bavaria.

Read all about it here:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2014/08/renfield-puts-ad-on-ebay.html?m=1

It was quite a relief to Putin when Sophia arrived in Moscow.

(Renfield had sent Putin the cyborg within 24 hours of receiving the $7 billion U.S. in his personal numbered Swiss bank account).

Putin had positively gorged himself on receiving Sophia’s blow jobs.

Plus Sophia had also saved Putin’s life from a CIA trained koala bear assassin who had tried to assassinate him at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane Australia on the evening of November 15th to 16th of this year (a preliminary investigation of the incident by the Russian FSB had determined that the assassin was a koala bear personally trained by American CIA agent Bob Belfor).

For more on the cyborg Sophia’s saving of Vladimir Putin’s life, read here:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/of-androids-and-koalas/

Putin decided to add to his pleasure by putting on a video as Sophia blew him.

The video he put on was an exclusive FSB filmed video (for Putin’s eyes only) of professional Russian Army soldiers serving as “volunteers” in eastern Ukraine using a BUK surface-to-air missile to shoot down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 back on July 17th 2014.

As the video showed debris falling from the sky and bodies dropping to the ground, Putin came with the full force of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD.

“Oh, what sweet and joyful ecstasy!” Putin screamed.

Sophia started choking.

That was quite a mouthful for her to swallow.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Friday November 21st
to
Wednesday November 26th
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

Haikus Inspired By Yeats’ Poem The Second Coming

November 24, 2014 at 7:44 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Literature, News, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haikus Inspired By Yeats’ Poem The Second Coming

Watch the nightly news
Things fall apart; anarchy
is loosed on the world

The world turns and turns
but the centre cannot hold
Best sleep; Worst awake

The deaf falcon flies
above tides where innocence
drowns in sea of blood

Blood-dimmed tide is loosed
The world in 2014
Yeats’ rough beast arrives

-A series of haikus
written by Christopher
Monday November 24th
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set

November 20, 2014 at 7:48 pm (Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Television) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Kim Kardashian Meets The Vampire Set

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had been laid up in his sarcophagus for the past month with a very severe case of irregularity.

It was a result of eating an entire horse in a fancy London restaurant almost a month ago.

On the table beside his sarcophagus were several Get Well cards sent to him by various people.

A Get Well card from Watson Holmes the man who was the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises (the Egyptian vampire’s research and development firm).

A Get Well Card and a bouquet of flowers from Miss Miranda Singh who was the secretary and office manager for Watson Holmes.

An I Heard You Were Sick card sent to him by a disgruntled former employee Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Rocher had sent along a wooden stake as well along with the note Insert Directly Into Heart.

He also received a Get Well card from a London private eye- a Mr. Randall Hopkins.

Set wondered if it was the same man who stood outside the windows of his room every night after sundown and took photos of him with his iPhone when Set’s sarcophagus was open.

The man left just before sunrise (at the same time Set was closing his sarcophagus lid).

Set also received a Get Well card as well as a basket of fruit from his own personal concert pianist Mr. Amadeus Emanon.

From Michelangelo his company’s genetically created psychic lobster, he received a gift certificate for a seafood restaurant- good for all items on the menu with the exception of all lobster entrees.

From Renfield R. Renfield his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering, he received… an autographed photo… of Renfield R. Renfield (the same gift Renfield gave to everybody on birthdays, anniversaries and at Christmas).

For his ailment, Set tried every laxative and enema method under the sun.

No laxative seemed to work.

No enema…

… seemed to work…

… until…

… Kim Kardashian visited him this evening…

… with a bottle of champagne…

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 17th
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

A Cup of Trembling Unto All People

November 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

A Cup of Trembling Unto All People

United States President Barack Obama was dreaming although he did not know it.

He was approaching a table in the White House that had food on it.

He happened to notice an exquisitely beautiful cup.

He picked it up only to notice he had cut his hand on it.

And the blood flowed from his hand.

And wouldn’t stop flowing.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was also dreaming.

He was dreaming that he was at a fancy ball at the Kremlin after winning a successful referendum in which the Russian people had voted to elect him Tsar and Autocrat of All the Russias for life.

Putin was feasting at a fancy table when he happened to notice a beautiful golden cup (with the most sumptuous looking red wine in it) on the table.

He immediately picked up the cup and as he did so, he cut his hand on it.

The blood flowed from his hand.

And wouldn’t stop flowing.

. . .

Pope Francis was dreaming that he was saying Mass in the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore.

As he raised the cup of wine to speak Christ’s words, “This is my blood of the new covenant which is shed for you and for many for the remission of sins…”

… he cut his hand on the cup.

And the blood flowed from his hand.

And wouldn’t stop flowing.

. . .

The man at Mossad they called the Controller of the Golem was arranging the blowing up of the homes of the attackers involved in the attack on the West Jerusalem synagogue in which 4 rabbis were killed and 7 worshippers were seriously wounded.

“By the time I’m finished,” the Controller of the Golem said to himself, “these people are going to realize that Jerusalem is the eternal undivided capital of Israel.”

. . .

“Behold, I will make Jerusalem a cup of trembling unto all the people round about, when they shall be in the siege both against Judah and against Jerusalem.
And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered against it.”

Zechariah Ch. 12 vs. 2-3

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 18th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Of Androids and Koalas

November 15, 2014 at 11:57 pm (Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, Movies, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Of Androids And Koalas

Pope Francis picked up the phone on this Saturday evening of November 15th 2014 to make another one of his surprise phone calls to ordinary people.

The man he was calling was a journalist and a writer and Francis wished to discuss an article that the man had written.

The man answered the phone but it turned out that the 1939 film Of Mice and Men (based on the novella by John Steinbeck) was on TV and it was just starting and he didn’t want to miss it so he said to Francis, “Some other time, Your Holiness” and hung up the phone.

Francis had to chuckle.

As he put the phone down, it rang again.

Francis picked it up.

It was a Vatican museum curator calling.

Apparently they had just found in one of their hundreds of thousands of crates the actual robotic automaton called Androides that had been invented, built and designed by Saint Albertus Magnus (Saint Albert the Great born 1193? – died 1280) one of the greatest philosophers and scientists of the High Middle Ages.

Most Church historians had just thought the story of Albertus Magnus building the automaton Androides was a medieval legend.

Now it turned out to be true.

Pope Francis then looked at the date on the calendar again.

November 15th.

Albertus Magnus’ automaton creation had been found on the Feast Day of Saint Albertus Magnus.

. . .

American CIA agent Bob Belfor (whose family owned a property restoration business) was in Brisbane Australia at the G-20 Summit.

Belfor was on a rogue operation.

He had been hired to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin at the summit.

So now Belfor was outside the place in Brisbane where the Russian leader was staying.

He was using the camera on an iPad tablet to record the event and send it via the Internet to his superiors as it happened.

A koala bear was climbing up the side of the building and carrying a gun at the same time.

“I trained the koala myself,” Belfor spoke into the iPad mic.

Belfor was lying to impress his superiors of course (the koala was really the shapeshifting genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and hired U.S. government assassin Pan Goatee who had shapeshifted into a koala for the occasion).

The koala entered through the window of Putin’s room.

He was immediately kicked out of the room and thrown out the window by the Russian leader’s red headed female cyborg Sophia who was acting as Putin’s bodyguard.

“The best laid plans of mice and men,” Belfor wept as the koala hit the street, “they often go astray.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 15th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Will Rosetta’s Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?

November 14, 2014 at 7:35 pm (Humour, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Will Rosetta’s Philae Comet Lander Battery Die?

Renfield R. Renfield had just heard on the BBC Radio’s World News Report that the battery on the European Space Agency’s Rosetta spacecraft’s Philae robotic comet lander might not last as long as the space agency had hoped.

So Renfield decided to go down to the Set Enterprises laboratory and ask Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster if he could pick up any TV transmissions from the future on what would be the final photographic image of the comet sent back from the Philae robotic comet lander to the European Space Agency before the battery on the lander finally died.

Amadeus Emanon decided to join Renfield in this endeavour.

Once down at the lab, Renfield carefully hooked up Michelangelo’s lobster antennae to wires running to the computer.

He then typed on the computer keyboard the information he required Michelangelo to seek out.

Michelangelo’s eyes then turned red, blue and green in succession as his psychic antennae tried to pick up the relevant TV transmission from the future.

“Funny, his eyes go through the same effects when he’s been drinking heavily,” Renfield noted.

Suddenly Michelangelo’s eyes turned sapphire and then turquoise as he received the relevant transmission.

“Eureka!” Renfield shouted.

“I hope that’s not the name of a new shooter drink,” said Amadeus who was starting to get concerned about Michelangelo’s eye colour.

“The transmission is showing up on the computer screen now,” Renfield ejaculated before wiping himself and the screen.

The images showed a slow fading away of the comet’s surface as the audio played the “bleep… bleeep… bleeeeppppp…” sound of the battery slowly dying.

Before the battery died completely, the last photographic video image transmitted was of a pink bunny wearing dark sunglasses and beating a drum and moving along the comet’s surface as an announcer style voice said, “Energizer… it just keeps going… and going…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 13th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Renfield’s Messenger Birds and Vladimir Putin’s Sword

November 10, 2014 at 8:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Messenger Birds and Vladimir Putin’s Sword

Amadeus Emanon was now back home from hospital.

He was in the garden of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate watching Renfield R. Renfield talking to a pigeon by a statue of the great ancient Egyptian scientist Imhotep.

“What are you doing?” Amadeus asked as he quietly chewed a piece of black licorice.

“I’m bringing back the lost art of carrier pigeons,” Renfield said, “Back during the Second World War, carrier pigeons were often used to deliver messages. Now in this age of smart phones and tablets, people seemed to have forgotten nature’s messengers and our fine feathered friends.”

“I wonder what opinion Imhotep would hold about nature’s messengers and our fine feathered friends,” Amadeus asked as he watched the outburst of abstract expressionism bursting forth from the pigeon as he decorated the head of Imhotep.

“I have no idea,” Renfield shrugged.

A cockatoo suddenly flew down and landed on the head of the carrier pigeon.

“That’s weird,” Amadeus said as he watched the spectacle.

“I’ve trained these two to work together,” Renfield grinned, “in the old days written messages were attached to one of the legs of the carrier pigeon. Now instead the cockatoo learns an oral message and then the two are sent off together. The cockatoo rides as a passenger on the head of the carrier pigeon. When the two reach the intended recipient of the message, the cockatoo disembarks off the head of the pigeon and the cockatoo orally recites the message.”

“Amazing,” Amadeus remarked sarcastically.

Renfield not noticing the sarcasm replied, “Even I can’t help being impressed by my own genius.”

“So have you got any clients lined up for your carrier pigeon/cockatoo express messenger service?” Amadeus asked as he put on dark sunglasses and lay back on his hammock as he remembered a lesson from the Book of Tobit.

“As a matter of fact I do,” Renfield grinned.

“You do?” Amadeus raised his head in surprise from the hammock.

“Yes,” Renfield smiled like the cat who ate the canary causing a canary in a nearby tree to fly away in haste, “you’ll never guess who it is.”

“Who is it?” asked Amadeus who was too lazy to guess.

“British Prime Minister David Cameron,” Renfield beamed like the beam in a Pharisee’s eye.

Exclaimed a thoroughly surprised Amadeus, “Holy shit!”.

Imhotep’s head would not have agreed with Amadeus’ opinion.

“And who is the intended recipient of David Cameron’s message?” Amadeus asked.

Renfield grinned again.

. . .

European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker was in his office in the European Commission Building in Brussels.

An aide-de-camp was in the room with him.

Suddenly both men heard a “tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping” at the window pane.

“Who is it?” Jean-Claude Juncker asked.

“A pigeon with a cockatoo on its head,” the aide-de-camp replied as he looked out the window, “Only this and nothing more.”

“Better let them in,” said Juncker.

The aide-de-camp opened the window and the pigeon with the cockatoo on its head flew into the room.

The pigeon sat on a bust of Pallas Athena while the cockatoo flew over to the desk of Jean-Claude Juncker and squawked, “Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Message for you from the Prime Minister of Britain. Gawk!”.

“Oh yes,” Juncker scratched his chin, “and what is Mr. Cameron’s message for me?”.

The pigeon flew off the bust of Pallas Athena and on to the head of Jean-Claude Juncker.

It then let out an outburst of abstract expressionism as it had done so many times on the head of the statue of Imhotep in the garden of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin.

He was examining a sword on his desk.

The sword belonged to an FSB agent who was found dead in his Moscow apartment a week ago.

The FSB suspected that the man was probably murdered by Western intelligence agencies.

This new Cold War was really starting to heat up Vladimir Putin thought to himself as he picked up his knife and fork and proceeded to make mincemeat out of the Ukrainian sausage on the plate in front of him.

A curator specializing in near eastern and oriental antiquities at one of the Kremlin museums had examined the sword.

He had determined that the sword belonged to the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Mehmed II (known to history as Mehmed The Conqueror) and indeed, according to the curator, this was the very sword he held in his hands when he conquered the Byzantine capital of Constantinople in 1453 at the age of 21 and ended the Byzantine empire.

After the city fell, when Mehmed II stepped into the ruins of the Palace of the Caesars that had been built over a thousand years before by the Emperor Theodosius II, he spoke these words,

“The spider weaves the curtains in the palace of the Caesars,
The owl calls the watches in the towers of Afrasiab.”

As Putin examined the sword, he happened to notice a spider crawling up one of the curtains in his office.

Outside his office window, an owl hooted a cry from one of the Kremlin towers.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
Friday November 7th
to
Monday November 10th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Haiku Reflecting On The State of The World 25 Years After The Fall of The Berlin Wall

November 9, 2014 at 5:32 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Haiku Reflecting On The State of The World 25 Years After The Fall of The Berlin Wall

The Berlin Wall falls
for brief moment Camelot
then reality

Permalink 2 Comments

Next page »