Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

March 31, 2015 at 5:36 pm (Entertainment, Horror, Literature, Movies, Plays, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth

It was March 1945.

And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.

Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.

(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)

First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):

When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?

Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):

When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.

Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):

That will be ere the set of sun.

(On the wall at the back of the stage are flashed images of a solar eclipse followed by a blood red moon)

First Witch (Hitler): Where the place?

Second Witch (Stalin): Upon the heath.

(A strange multicoloured spiral image is then projected on to the screen behind the stage. Orson Welles does not recognize the image on this day in March 1945 but later generations would have recognized the spiral as the double helix of DNA)

Third Witch (with mask and metallic sounding voice): There to meet with MacBeth.

(The image of a face is then projected on to the screen behind the stage)

Orson Welles (waking up in bed with a start): Great heavens!

Rita Hayworth (next to him): What is it?

Orson Welles: I just had the most terrifying dream.

Rita Hayworth: What was it?

Orson Welles (scratching his head): I can’t remember… it’s receding from my memory… but…

Rita Hayworth: But what?

Orson Welles: I have seen the future… and it’s a nightmare.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 31st
2015.

Permalink 4 Comments

The Kobold Hannibalken: A Poem

March 30, 2015 at 6:15 pm (Folklore, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , )

The Kobold Hannibalken: A Poem

The kobold is a small pointy-eared goblin-like creature of short temper and mischievous spirit
A word of advice do not tick off a kobold if you come to hear of it
Kobolds are divided into categories three
so you’ll know which type if one sits upon your knee
There are the domestic kobolds who help around the house
most work unseen and quiet as a mouse
The second type is the mining kobold
who mine for things such as ore and gold
The third type are the kobolds of the sea
who attach themselves to captains and their ships that be
The Kobold Hannibalken was a sea kobold but one prone to acute seasickness
which made sailing on a ship risky business
and when he developed an allergy to the anti-motion sickness tablet Gravol
he did not stop to ask for whom the bell did toll
he gave up the sailor’s life at sea
and in an English cottage came to be
He sat and smoked his pipe by the hearth
where no waves tossed causing him to barf
He decided to become a detective like Sherlock Holmes
and wear a deerstalker cap over his head phones
He was asked to solve many a mystery
which he did pocketing a small fee
One day he was out wandering in the village
when he met a Viking out to rape and pillage
Why, said Hannibalken, you’re a man out of time
and Viking replied, And you’re a goblin creature so sublime.
Hannibalken lit his pipe and thought,
Vikings from the past, what evil has been wrought!
CERN has brought you here,
you Norse pain in the rear!
Cambridge’s Stephen Hawking is right
playing with dark matter is a fright
one shouldn’t mess with particles
like they’re New York Times articles
and to play with the intricacies of space and time
one ends up with a lemon instead of a lime.
So the kobold pulled out a taser
and like a Darth Vader laser
he zapped the ancient Norseman
and undid the Apocalyptic horseman
and sent the Viking out to sea
and freed the village from barbarity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday March 30th 2015.

Permalink 6 Comments

Pan Goatee Promotes Urban Beautification

March 27, 2015 at 7:17 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Promotes Urban Beautification

“A thing of ugliness is a blemish on the human race forever,” Pan Goatee paraphrased John Keats as he cut off the head of the ugly looking woman he encountered on the street.

As Pan Goatee put back his bloodied machete into its extra large holster, he reflected he should really start billing the city council of this city double overtime for all the extra work he was doing promoting urban beautification.

Never had he seen so many ugly women he reflected.

Who let the dogs out? as the lyrics of that old song asked.

Pan Goatee blamed that interfering busybody Oprah Winfrey for this growing problem now facing North America.

If she hadn’t spent so many years trying to drill high-self esteem into these repulsively ugly looking creatures who, judging from their appearance, have a lot to have loads of low self-esteem about, they wouldn’t be out wandering the streets of the city.

Local authorities should really start making replica copies of that bronze mask of his ancient namesake Pan they had just found in Israel and start passing them out by the hundreds of thousands to the city’s facially aesthetically challenged residents and require them by law to wear them when they go out in public.

Promoting urban beautification was Pan Goatee’s own personal mission in life.

He was actually in this western Canadian city on the Pacific Ocean on a mission for the U.S. government for whom he worked as a hired assassin.

Apparently the owner of a local medical marijuana grow-op was considered a threat to the corporate interests of burgeoning medical marijuana grow-ops in the U.S. where such operations were now the rage among various state governments who were tripping over one another to legalize this new booming source of extra tax revenue.

And so when the interests of the Almighty U.S. Dollar were threatened, Uncle Sam listened.

And so genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sent to dispatch a Canadian pot grower to Hades so that American pot growers might prosper and the American public would continue to be drugged and well medicated.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 27th
2015.

Permalink 4 Comments

Poetry – BLOG.PARTY.DECLARED.

March 26, 2015 at 7:05 pm (Uncategorized)

This was written by my dear friend Sherrie De Valeria who I’ve known for almost 3 years now having met her at the Xanga blogging site.

We are fellow writers and artists encouraging one another in our ideas and imagination.

She’s a devoted friend and devoted fan of my writing.

Here’s her blog:

Sherrie

https://sherriedevaleriahendrie.wordpress.com/

Here’s some of her early writing:

Sherrie 03

https://sherriedevaleriahendrie.wordpress.com/2014/12/23/placing-my-heart-in-writing/

Sherrie 03a

https://sherriedevaleriahendrie.wordpress.com/2014/12/31/writing-my-heart-away/

I hope you will read her work.

She’s a magnificent writer and a great poet.

Permalink 2 Comments

The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

March 25, 2015 at 7:43 pm (Folklore, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

And so it came to pass that in the year 2015
a University of Haifa archaeological team
did uncover ancient bronze mask
of the ancient god Pan
outside the ancient Galilean city of Hippos-Sussita was it found
this rare relic unearthed from the ground
Larger than a human head
this mask of faun god long dead
From whence it came?
What’s it for?
So much mystery
at history’s door.
Most masks of this time made of terracotta or stone
making this bronze mask stand alone
most were theatre masks or miniature masks
so this large mask now in glory basks

A bronze mask of Pan…

… from whence it came?

… and what or who was it for?

And so in ancient times the Greek god Pan did wander
on earth below skies where Zeus did thunder
He came upon a neat little town
his throat parched and his lips brown
he would find somewhere to drink
and have his satyr fancy tickled pink

He put on his mask for a disguise
so he wouldn’t be seen by human eyes
The mask was made to look like him
this half-man half-goat not so proper and prim
That way no one would think it he
under bronze crafted so elegantly

In town there was a wedding
at a place with softer bedding
He posed as a wedding guest
though he knew neither bride nor groom
he would have to confess

He did ask for wine
so they gave him a cup
and that was fine

He went outside to drink the wine
and never had he tasted so fine
when he raised his mask to drink
his taste buds tickled pink

Oh such sweet Heaven!
Never did even ambrosia taste like this
surpassing that Olympian drink in heavenly bliss
O nectar divine!
O wine so fine!

Great god Pan lifted his cup to the sky
and then died without even a sigh.

For it was not for seemingly immortal gods was this wine given
but for mortal man so that life was worth livin’

Pan’s body was found by the bride’s father
He realized this would be such a bother
for he recognized the god and knew
he would have to think this through
who would believe his tale when told
he picked up the mask so old
And especially thought the bride’s father
that this god died drinking wine made from water.

And so it was that this day at Cana of Galilee
saw the death of an ancient deity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday March 25th
2015.

Permalink 6 Comments

Cinderella: A Poem

March 24, 2015 at 7:29 pm (Children's Story, Commentary, Entertainment, Folklore, Movies, Poetry) (, , , )

Cinderella: A Poem

Cloudy gray skies
across the land lies
in truth for today
and in metaphor sad to say
it seems that magic is gone from the world
technology has spread unfurled
the sense of wonder has been lost
but we’re too busy to see the cost
dashing along the street
busy hands and busy feet
phones at our fingertips
speakers have replaced lips
“Love” and “courage” are only words
a flight of fancy like passing birds.
A unicorn- what is that?
Talk of fairies- we say scat!
For we’re all grown up you see
don’t talk to us as if we’re only 3.
That age is past!
Magic wands- get out fast!
Carriages don’t grow from pumpkins
you mistake us for country bumpkins.
Enchanted balls and glass slippers
we talk like drunken skippers
whose ships have crashed on the rocks
leaving us to haunt these docks.

And so we stay under these skies so gray
wishing it were another day.

But Cinderella saw the world not only as it was
but as she wanted it to be
which gave her courage amidst much misery
Have courage and be kind!
Wise words from her mother’s mind.
Words she kept each day to heart
slowly working magic to impart
a prince she would impress
with her heart and mind
not just a dress.

Those who have courage and are kind
they break those dark spells that bind
it’s not that we’ve stopped believing in magic you see
it’s just that we take dark arts for the only reality.
We’ve stopped seeing “love” and “courage” as things that actually be
and only view them as fantasy
It’s not only princes but we who need to be awakened
or else this world will become ever forsaken.
Oh Cinderella! Come and kiss us all
make this world a beautiful ball
Help us once again see that wondrous magic so grand
And may courage and kindness fall across this land.

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday March 24th 2015
inspired by seeing the
Kenneth Branagh directed
version of
Disney’s Cinderella
today.

Permalink 6 Comments

Renfield TV Ad

March 23, 2015 at 7:02 pm (Humour, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield TV Ad

This was the TV ad that Renfield did as a shapeshifting hamster for KIA Motors.

Announcer: What sort of car does successful hamster defense attorney Hairy Masonite drive?

Renfield as Hairy Masonite (doing his best Raymond Burr impersonation): Why a 2015 Kia Cadenza of course.

Announcer: And driving to work in the driver’s seat of a new Kia Cadenza helps keep Hairy Masonite in the driver’s seat of the courtroom.

Renfield as Hairy Masonite: So you see your Honour the District Attorney Mr. Hamsterton Groundbeef’s claim that my client put the cheese in the mousetrap that killed his cheeseaholic Aunt Elsie is clearly false.
If Mr. Hamsterton Groundbeef had bothered to check the facts, he would have discovered that my client has a severe allergy to dairy products and putting the cheese in that trap would have sent my client into a severe allergic reaction from which he might never have recovered.

Announcer: Once again proud Kia Cadenza owner Hairy Masonite saves the day and another innocent hamster goes free spared the gallows and District Attorney Hamsterton Groundbeef’s ineptitude.

Renfield as Hairy Masonite (standing on the steps of the courthouse and waving to his client): And in the words of the immortal Leonard Nimoy in his greatest role as Mr. Spock, “Live long and prosper.” (uses one of his hamster front paws to give the Vulcan salute for the Vulcan proverb Live long and prosper)

His client (waving on sidewalk): Thanks Mr. Masonite.

(turns and crosses the street and is immediately hit by a bus)

Announcer: The new 2015 Kia Cadenza.

Because sometimes it’s just safer to drive across the street…

Permalink 4 Comments

The Corgi Who Started A Conga Line: A Poem

March 22, 2015 at 6:54 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , )

The Corgi Who Started A Conga Line: A Poem

A corgi once started a conga line
Now isn’t that something wild and fine
Her Majesty had left the palace door open
and the wee corgi didn’t feel like mopin’
so out the door he went
for a time well spent
he walked the palace grounds
and listened for cannon sounds
but no 21-gun salutes today
so the corgi walked come what may
and then his little legs decided to hop
and he found that he couldn’t stop
with a hop here
and a hop there
but palace guards didn’t stare
They were busy looking straight ahead
The corgi may as well have laid down dead
“Come join me in my conga line” his little legs said
but the guards remained passive as if stoned on med
so the corgi danced and danced
tiny legs pranced and pranced
but the wee corgi danced alone
his image caught on a smart phone
The corgi who started a conga line
and later joined the Queen to dine
eating sausages that taste divine.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 22nd 2015.

Permalink 7 Comments

Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

March 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm (Entertainment, TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Wants To Do A TV Ad

Renfield R. Renfield was sporting a huge bruise as a result of being hit over the head by a spiked stiletto high-heeled shoe wielded by the Egyptian Vampiress Isis this past Thursday night.

It was a good thing he had been wearing a wig that made him look like Bruce Jenner on a bad hair day or otherwise the bruise might have been even worse.

“I wonder why Jaguar never asked me to do a TV commercial advertising their cars like they did Dr. Cadbury Rocher,” Renfield mused aloud as he held a beef steak over his head.

“Don’t know,” Amadeus Emanon shrugged as he watched the frozen beef steak melting on Renfield’s forehead.

“I think I’d be excellent at doing commercials,” sighed Renfield.

“Well you have the ability to shapeshift into a hamster, why don’t you apply to do a TV ad for KIA motors since they have hamsters in their TV commercials?” Amadeus suggested.

“That’s an excellent idea,” Renfield went over to his computer to google the nearest KIA motors dealership.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2015.

Permalink 4 Comments

Solar Eclipse: A Poem

March 20, 2015 at 5:41 pm (Folklore, Mythology, News, Poetry) (, )

Solar Eclipse: A Poem

Solar eclipse
monster swallows light
so ancients believe

Solar eclipse
dragon eats eye in the sky
and day becomes night

Solar eclipse
Yin expands Yang shrinks
The circle vanishes

-written by Christopher
Friday March 20th
2015.

Permalink 2 Comments

Next page »