Lilith and Nimrod

March 3, 2015 at 8:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith and Nimrod

The Controller of the Golem noticed the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith sitting in the public gallery of the U. S. Congress as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave his speech.

The Mossad agent noticed she was wearing the same white and gold evening dress that she was wearing the night before.

He also noticed that her hair was somewhat disheveled as if she had spent the night somewhere and didn’t have time to change.

Meanwhile far away from Congress, a former U.S. President had in his pocket a statement that read “I did not have sexual relations with that vampiress” on the off chance someone had spotted him in the hotel room with that sexy looking redhead.

When the speech was over, the Controller of the Golem followed the Vampiress into the lobby.

He noticed Lilith entering the women’s washroom.

He followed.

As gasps could be heard coming from surprised exiting patrons, he explained, “I’m transgendered like Bruce Jenner is but I’m only beginning my treatments.”

He noticed Lilith bumping into House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi whose mascara was running down her face as a result of crying during Netanyahu’s speech.

He noticed Lilith open the washroom window, turn into a bat and promptly fly out.

The Controller of the Golem entered one of the stalls, closed the door, took out his cell phone and phoned a fellow Mossad agent as he did his business.

Minutes later a huge bloodcurdling female scream could be heard coming from that women’s washroom on that particular floor of Congress.

As security rushed into the washroom, the same female voice could be heard shrieking, “Who the Hell left the toilet seat up?”.

. . .

Lilith had gone to a secret U. S. government lab near Baltimore, Maryland where the body of Nimrod the builder of the Tower of Babel was being kept.

She found the giant test tube where Nimrod’s body was being kept and opened it.

She could have been stopped by security personnel at the lab except an argument had broken out among security personnel as to what colour her evening dress was.

Half of the personnel said it was “white and gold” and the other half said it was “blue and black”.

As the security personnel proceeded to strangle one another over who was right, Nancy Pelosi’s image appeared on the News on the TV screen no one was watching complaining to reporters that Netanyahu had made condescending remarks about the state of American intelligence.

Meanwhile Lilith had swallowed a special potion given her by the South African Xhosa witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

The potion was designed to unite a dead person’s soul with their body once they were given the kiss of life by someone who had drunk the potion.

Lilith threw Nimrod’s dead body on a slab in the lab.

As theme music from The Rocky Horror Picture Show played in the laboratory background, Lilith raised her evening dress and then mounted Nimrod’s body on the slab in the lab.

She then gave Nimrod a very passionate kiss of life.

Nimrod’s soul returned to his body.

Unfortunately due to a miscalculation in the amount of vermouth required in the Kiss of Life potion that Dr. Sterling Makabo had made, the potion as designed by him had the unfortunate side effect of changing Nimrod’s genetic make-up and turning him into a frog.

“Oh shit, he’s turned into a frog! That’s going to cause problems!” Lilith exclaimed as Nimrod turned into a frog.

“It could have been worse, he could have turned into a toad,” a lab security personnel officer spoke his last words prior to being strangled by one of his co-workers.

“He did turn into a toad!” shouted another co-worker.

“He’s a frog, you moron!” insisted another lab security personnel officer.

Soon a fight broke out among the lab security personnel as to whether Nimrod had turned into a frog or a toad.

As the bickering and back-stabbing (quite literally) continued among lab security personnel, Lilith sprouted bat wings through the back of her evening dress and after putting the frog Nimrod into a jar, she flew away with the little amphibian ex-human stuffed down the top of her evening dress in between her cleavage.

“Almost heaven, West Virginia, blue ridge mountain,” Nimrod sang the John Denver lyrics in the jar as the duo flew over West Virginia.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 3rd
2015.

Advertisements

12 Comments

  1. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    A vampiress mounted a frog??? Imagine that! hahahaha … What if she mounted Bruce Jenner? Oh, he is a woman! Not possible.

    Geeezzz … this is the Invasion of the Kardashians! Oh no!!! Their asses will break the World! Fart, fart, please! hahahaha …

    Gosh, Chris! This is a brilliant and hillarious blog. I had a very good laugh. Thank you! 🙂

    Excellent!

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Lilith mounted Nimrod and then he turned into a frog.

      Talk about the Frog Prince in reverse.

      LOL !

      Thanks, Sherrie. 🙂

      Glad you’re enjoying my blog.

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, I wonder if Bruce Jenner and Kim Kardashian will ever attend the same cocktail party wearing the exact same dress.

      The only difference will be that Kim’s ass is a lot bigger. 😉

  3. Sherrie de Valeria said,

  4. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    A rose for you – from me. Wish you a lovely day, Chris! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: