The Kobold Hannibalken: A Poem

March 30, 2015 at 6:15 pm (Folklore, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , )

The Kobold Hannibalken: A Poem

The kobold is a small pointy-eared goblin-like creature of short temper and mischievous spirit
A word of advice do not tick off a kobold if you come to hear of it
Kobolds are divided into categories three
so you’ll know which type if one sits upon your knee
There are the domestic kobolds who help around the house
most work unseen and quiet as a mouse
The second type is the mining kobold
who mine for things such as ore and gold
The third type are the kobolds of the sea
who attach themselves to captains and their ships that be
The Kobold Hannibalken was a sea kobold but one prone to acute seasickness
which made sailing on a ship risky business
and when he developed an allergy to the anti-motion sickness tablet Gravol
he did not stop to ask for whom the bell did toll
he gave up the sailor’s life at sea
and in an English cottage came to be
He sat and smoked his pipe by the hearth
where no waves tossed causing him to barf
He decided to become a detective like Sherlock Holmes
and wear a deerstalker cap over his head phones
He was asked to solve many a mystery
which he did pocketing a small fee
One day he was out wandering in the village
when he met a Viking out to rape and pillage
Why, said Hannibalken, you’re a man out of time
and Viking replied, And you’re a goblin creature so sublime.
Hannibalken lit his pipe and thought,
Vikings from the past, what evil has been wrought!
CERN has brought you here,
you Norse pain in the rear!
Cambridge’s Stephen Hawking is right
playing with dark matter is a fright
one shouldn’t mess with particles
like they’re New York Times articles
and to play with the intricacies of space and time
one ends up with a lemon instead of a lime.
So the kobold pulled out a taser
and like a Darth Vader laser
he zapped the ancient Norseman
and undid the Apocalyptic horseman
and sent the Viking out to sea
and freed the village from barbarity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday March 30th 2015.

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6 Comments

  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    I’ll never look at a kobold in quite the same way now… Darned CERN, they ruin everything!

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, I guess there’s always one kobold who comes along and shatters all those stereotypes. 😉

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    LOL You are so great! How do you do that? The name Hannibalken is truly dangerous. And I wonder how does the Apocalyptic horseman looks like. As always Chris, brilliant poem! 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Thanks very much, Sherrie. 🙂

      There’s a story about a kobold named Hodeken who was once insulted by a servant boy so Hodeken cooked the boy in a pot as punishment.

      Sounds like something Dr. Hannibal Lector would do so that’s how I came up with the name Hannibalken.

      I suppose a kobold brewmaster who brewed a really great beer might be called Heineken. 😉

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Eeeeewwww … I have a complete collection on Hannibal Lector on my shelf. When I saw that movie with Anthony Hopkins, I nearly puke! LOL hahaha …

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, Dr. Hannibal Lecter was certainly a terrifying scary figure.

      Sir Anthony Hopkins really breathed life into one of the most sinister characters ever to appear in the history of film.

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