Fuhrer’s Furious Descent To Hell- 70 Years Later

April 30, 2015 at 7:25 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Fuhrer’s Furious Descent To Hell- 70 Years Later

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were listening to the radio.

Said the announcer, “It was 70 years ago today that Nazi Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler committed suicide only hours after he married his mistress Eva Braun…”

“What numerous assassination attempts over the years failed to accomplish, marriage succeeded in doing in a few hours,” remarked Renfield.

. . .

In the room in the Fuhrerbunker, Hitler addressed Goebbels, “Have the crystals been safely buried?”.

Goebbels had only heard about the crystals from the Fuhrer the night before.

Apparently the crystals had been found in the Himalayas on a Nazi SS Occult Bureau expedition to Tibet back in 1937.

The crystals were said to pick up energy from people’s thoughts and consciousness so when the crystals were brought to Berlin in 1938, Hitler said the crystals would absorb and contain the energies of the Third Reich.

The crystals were stored away in the back rooms of a Berlin Museum.

But with the Soviets advancing on Berlin, Hitler had given the order that the crystals be removed from Berlin
and buried deep in the ground at a distant farmhouse.

Hitler was convinced the crystals would rise from the ground 70 years to the day after his death and the energies of his Reich would once again be unleashed on the world.

He had asked Goebbels this past evening to get in radio contact with the SS officer who had been entrusted with the task to make sure it had been done.

Goebbels had just received confirmation on the wireless.

He came to tell his Fuhrer.

“Thank you, Josef,” the Fuhrer shook his hand, “you’ve been a good and loyal servant.”

Hitler then closed the bedroom door.

Goebbels heard the sound of gun shots coming from the room.

. . .

The farmer was shocked as he took a mid-afternoon walk on his farm on this last day of April in the Year of Our Lord 2015.

There standing in his pasture were huge crystal stones that he had never seen before.

It was as if they had just risen magically out of the ground.

. . .

Inside the old German farmhouse, the farm wife was listening to an old radio broadcast from Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen that was available on the Internet.

Sheen commented during the broadcast, “Dictators are like boils, superficial manifestations of an inner rottenness. They would never come to the surface if there had not been the proper conditions in the world from which they came.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 30th

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Silent Stones: A Poem

April 29, 2015 at 6:29 pm (Life, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Silent Stones: A Poem

Silent stones stand on silent hills
pointing towards the sky
Like giant arms beckoning from the ground
to embrace love, life and dreams that fly

What giant put these great slabs here that stand upright
a lonely monument that marks solstice and equinox
the passing of the seasons
the passing of time
The circle of life
summarized in this circle of stones
Spring blossoms and beguiles
childhood opens like petals on a rose
Summer sun and the tide is high
Oh the folly of wild youth-
the days were hot
and the nights were hotter
and we burn by day
and dance by night-
and then-
an autumn chill is in the air
we wrap the blankets tightly around ourselves
we see the leaves change colour on the trees
and our eyes bask in that beauteous gold that mark autumn sunsets
The harvest is finally coming home-
The harvest is coming home-

The seeds we planted in spring
and tended to or did not tend to in summer-
that harvest is coming home.

Snow on the ground-
landscape and sky both white-
and so is the colour of the hair that reflects in the mirror
Slowness of movement dogs our steps
and soon all movement ceases-
Then under ground
and under slabs of stone we go.

Perhaps those silent stones on silent hills
mark the burial place of some giant who in ancient times also had his day in the sun-
and now his day- like all days- is finally finally done

Silent stones on silent hills
that mark the movement of moon and sun
We think we’ve all just begun
and before we know it-
it’s all finally done.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday April 29th

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Baltimore and The End of America

April 28, 2015 at 7:10 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Baltimore and The End of America

Russian President Vladimir Putin and the Babylonian Vampiress Lilith were watching the Baltimore riots on television.

“A house divided against itself cannot stand,” Putin recalled Abraham Lincoln’s words as he watched the riots unfold on the TV screen.

“Yes,” the Vampiress Lilith nodded as she stood in her green silk evening dress, “you’ve already won the Third World War, Vladimir. No need for you to destroy America. America has already destroyed itself from within.”

Putin chewed his fingernails as he reflected on Lilith’s words.

“You could if you want to,” Lilith said, “move and take not only eastern Ukraine but also Kiev itself and all of Ukraine. You could take all of Central and Eastern Europe and even Germany itself. And establish a new European wide Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. And America would do nothing.”

Putin looked at Lilith.

“America would do nothing,” Lilith reiterated, “Oh, Arizona Sen. John McCain would probably give a speech in the U.S. Senate in which he’d go totally ballistic. U. S. President Barack Obama would probably make a guest appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live (shutting down LA streets and freeways in the Presidential motorcade process pissing off and making irate loads of LA motorists) and say what a nasty unpleasant fellow that Vladimir Putin is while the audience applauds and Jimmy Kimmel checks his live tweet updates. Bruce Jenner will issue a statement saying that he won’t be seeking any transgender treatments in Russia. And Kim Kardashian will moon the Russian Ambassador in Washington DC. But other than that, America will do nothing.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 28th

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Renfield’s Quiet Evening At Home

April 27, 2015 at 7:28 pm (Commentary, Culture, Humour, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield’s Quiet Evening At Home

Renfield R. Renfield was spending a quiet evening at home after a day of getting doors slammed in his face while out campaigning as a candidate for his British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the constituency of London Collingwood Hills.

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in a chair across from Renfield.

He was reading a book of puns written by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Amadeus read,

What did the magical wizard say after his first attempt to turn himself into a fish?

Answer: Oh no! I just made a total bass of myself.

As Amadeus chuckled, Renfield put on the radio.

Radio News Announcer: And in other news… a 76-year-old woman has been banned from a KFC in the U.S. for breast feeding her 42-year-old son in public there…

A protestor outside the site said earlier today, “I can’t believe people still eat here…”

“The world has gone insane,” said Renfield.

“Well if it has, you should do well in the upcoming election,” Amadeus remarked.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 27th

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Haiku About Nepal Earthquake

April 25, 2015 at 6:21 pm (News, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Haiku About Nepal Earthquake

Only took minute
Shangri-La to Hell on earth
when quake shook Nepal

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Haikus About Cloning

April 23, 2015 at 5:37 pm (Commentary, Culture, History, Humour, News, Poetry, Satire, Science) (, , , , , , )

Haikus About Cloning

They mapped the human genome
DNA = ET make clone?
so claim the History Channel

Now they’re mapping mammoth genome
so elephant in the room
matches fur rug.

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April 23, 2015 at 1:23 am (Uncategorized)

A beautiful beautiful poem written by my friend Sherrie. 🙂

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Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday

April 22, 2015 at 7:24 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday

As a wired journalist for WIRED Magazine (he had drunk 20 cups of coffee while sitting in a Starbucks cafe that had 20 screaming children who had drunk too many chocolate sprinkled cappuccinos) wrote in an online article that the biggest threat to the Earth was “we have too many kids”, the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith and ancient Babel’s ruler Nimrod (who had turned into a frog as a result of a Vampiress’ kiss gone awry) were spending Earth Day in Moscow.

The Vampiress Lilith was having an important meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Nimrod would not be attending the meeting as President Putin did not talk to frogs.

The Russian leader had developed a severe allergy to frogs’ legs after a bad case of food poisoning on a disastrous holiday trip on the Black Sea many many years ago.

So Nimrod decided he would spend the time visiting Lenin’s Tomb in Moscow.

As Nimrod stared through the glass at the embalmed body of Lenin, Lenin’s corpse sat up momentarily and sang “Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!” for of course Earth Day was the same day as Lenin’s birthday.

And today was Lenin’s 145th birthday.

“Where’s my birthday cake and candles?” Lenin shouted.

“I’m sorry,” apologized an old Soviet Red Army soldier who had stood guard at Lenin’s tomb since the very first Earth Day was held on this date back in 1970, “but a birthday cake with that many candles on it- 145- would violate the City of Moscow’s Fire Code.”

“Bloody bureaucratic regulations!” cursed the man who had founded the all-encompassing bureaucratic Soviet state.

The Soviet Union’s founder foamed at the mouth and promptly died again.

“Wow, I just saw Lenin’s corpse sit up and sing Happy Birthday to himself,” Nimrod the frog remarked as he left the Lenin Mausoleum.

“Wow, I just saw a talking frog,” said one vodka drinking Russian man who swore off vodka for life after this strange encounter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 22nd

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Portals: A Poem

April 21, 2015 at 7:01 pm (Folklore, Horror, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Portals: A Poem

The 21st of April it was
Back in 753 B.C.
Romulus and Remus founded a new City.

Rome it was called – The Eternal City.

Inside the old house by the wishing well
the statue of the she- wolf fell.

The old man looked up
from his favourite cup.

“Romulus and Remus’ mother has gone,” the old man sighed.
Then the old man dropped his cup and died.

It was a hotel room in some distant city
the weather outside was not very pretty
and the two children a dish of potato chips did hoard
as they sat and played with a Ouija board.

The little boy asked, “Will I die soon?”
as the little girl licked her tablespoon.

What would the answer be? Anyone’s guess.
But the planchette moved to the spot marked Yes.

The little boy opened his mouth to scream
but nothing came out it would seem
for he just died- and ’twas no dream.

Google leaves one with thoughts to ponder
today’s explanation for the Loch Ness monster
one-eyed ETs piloting a sub
that has Nessie’s head above.

So now you know
before you go
look all around
listen for sound.

There are portals everywhere
in the attic- below the stair
Wormholes they are called by some
slithery worms slide through causing you to run
But this warning- you can run but you cannot hide
Just ask the many- the many who have died.

-A horror poem written by Christopher
Tuesday April 21st 2015.

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The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

April 20, 2015 at 7:13 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

Cornelius was leading a dog’s life
because he was free of kids and wife
He also happened to be a dog
one not mistaken for a bump on a log
a huge Saint Bernard
who escaped his master’s yard
and then headed off to the beach
lucky for him within reach.

What brought him to this date with destiny
aside from the outdoor trees looking thirsty
was listening to the spiel of a TV documentary
that spoke in language not elementary
“A sun dog is an atmospheric phenomenon that creates bright spots of light in the sky”
oh to listen to such drivel Corn thought he would die
“often on a luminous ring or halo on either side of the sun”
that does it, Corn thought, he’d really have to run
out the door he went
past the little pup tent
and over the fence he jumped in a flash
and then down to the beach he made a mad dash.

He’d be a sun dog himself having his day in the sun
and oh to be on the beach looked like such fun
he dashed into the water
as if he were seal or otter
where he made quite the splash
then from the surf he’d rise with a dash
and shake himself off on spectators left and right
such drying oneself off on passers-by led to a fight
but he didn’t stick around to referee
for no, he had a date with destiny.

For up the beach Cornelius did spot something grand
what turned out to be a hot dog stand
what the stranger held in his hands
on these sunny day beach sands
Wiener, mustard, relish and onion in a bun
Cornelius thought to self, You old son of a gun
He leapt in the air
like an acrobatic pair
and swallowed the hot dog at one take
causing the stand’s owner to shake and bake
He went beserk in the noon day sun
and that was the end of Cornelius’ fun.

The man called the animal pound
and Cornelius was wrestled to the ground
into the paddy wagon he was put
like a canine crook
that was all it took.

So ended Cornelius’ day in the sun
what a tale social networking sites spun
the sun dog that ate the hot dog
out of history’s mist and fog
a legend was born
so when you’re feeling forlorn
think of Cornelius some morn
and then realize with a tingle
this Noel Coward jingle
“Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noon day sun”
and at all times on the beach, hold on to your hot dog bun.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday April 20th 2015.

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