Something Transhuman This Way Comes

April 8, 2015 at 6:26 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Something Transhuman This Way Comes

Amadeus Emanon was watching an adaptation of Agatha Christie’s The Third Girl on BBC Television.

Hercule Poirot was standing on an estate balcony watching a man and a woman on the lawn kissing under the moonlight.

Said Poirot to the woman standing next to him on the balcony, “We are looking, Madame, at a mystery. The greatest mystery. The mystery that even I, Hercule Poirot, will never be able to solve. The mystery that is… the nature of Love.”

“Love is a mystery?” Renfield looked up from the book of essays he was reading written by Ray Kurzweil, J. Craig Venter and other leading Transhumanist thinkers.

“Hercule Poirot says it is,” Amadeus ate his Belgian waffles with strawberry syrup.

“It can be awfully expensive, I know,” Renfield sipped his 12-year-old single malt whisky, “especially on Valentine’s Day. Having to buy your date all those flowers and chocolates and then she won’t let you get into her panties anyways… stupid bitch.”

Renfield’s last Valentine’s Day had been an even bigger fiasco than Bugsy Malone’s 1929 Valentine’s Day at the hands of Al Capone.

“You wanted to get into her panties?” Amadeus ate his chocolate covered Easter bunny, “I didn’t know you had all these Bruce Jenner like urges.”

“That’s not what I meant by that metaphor, you idiot,” Renfield spilled malt whisky all over himself in his rage.

Amadeus switched to another channel on the TV.

A film historian was giving a commentary on the 1933 American horror film The Vampire Bat that starred Lionell Atwill and Fay Wray.

Said the film historian, “Any resemblance between statements made by mad scientists in the Hollywood horror films of the 1930s and ’40s and today’s Transhumanist scientists is purely coincidental.”

Renfield harrumphed as he used a copy of the 2013 Transhumanist Manifesto (that he had written) to dry himself off.

Amadeus switched to another channel where a theologian was being interviewed.

Said the theologian, “Any resemblance between the promises made by the serpent to Eve in the Garden of Eden (“Ye shall be as gods” and “Ye shall not die”) and the promises made by Transhumanist thinkers today (“We shall be like gods” and “we shall not die”) is purely coincidental …”

“What a day I’m having,” Renfield cried as a house fly got stuck to his whisky soaked copy of his Transhumanist Manifesto.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 8th
2015.

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10 Comments

  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    The line “Renfield’s last Valentine’s Day had been an even bigger fiasco than Bugsy Malone’s 1929 Valentine’s Day at the hands of Al Capone” had me in stitches 😀

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Thanks, Nicholas. 🙂

      Glad you enjoyed it.

      I sometimes wonder what aspects of my writing have the biggest impact on my readers.

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        Simple. The awesome ones 😉

        (I’m reminded here of a client of mine. We had presented her with a dozen different variations of a blue background for her website.
        “Which one do you like?” I asked her.
        “The blue one.”
        “But they’re all blue! Which one do you mean?”
        “The nice blue one.”)

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      LOL !

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    I love this one so much I had a good laugh. Valentine can be so expensive.

    Well anything written in past hisotires of religion, politics can be coincidental. We shall be gods and shall not die? I wonder … if that is true …

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      I remember one of the Old Testament psalms says, “Though you are like gods, you shall die like men.”

      I’ve read somewhere that might be a reference to the Nephilim- those angelic-human hybrids who thought they were gods and acted like demons.

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Yes, true. In so many stories in the bible and other legendary heroes, most of the demi-gods died like men.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, indeed.

      The giants no longer walk this earth.

      Which is probably a good thing. Otherwise we might get squished.

  3. Andrew M Ferrell said,

    hilarious.

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