Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

April 13, 2015 at 5:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Blood On The Ottoman Carpet

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield were listening to the World News Report on the radio.

“And this news just in,” said the announcer, “emergency crews were called to the new Presidential Palace in Ankara Turkey after Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan got his zipper stuck while taking a leak in one of the 500 gold-plated bathrooms in the Palace.
The incident, reminiscent of that famous scene with Ben Stiller in the 1998 film There’s Something About Mary that also starred Cameron Diaz, occurred when President Erdogan heard on the radio that Pope Francis had described the Ottoman Empire’s mass killing of 1.5 million Armenians 100 years ago as a “genocide”.
Francis made the declaration in a ceremony at the Vatican yesterday.
The announcement apparently did not go well with the Turkish President’s attempt to relieve himself…”

. . .

At an all-candidates’ forum in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge, the topic was Foreign Affairs,

Someone brought up the matter of the recent Zippergate Affair involving Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

“Well,” said the Welsh Vampiress Morgana representing the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party, “if I had been there, I’d have kicked Mr. Erdogan in the balls.”

“That would be great if Recep Tayyip Erdogan had any balls,” interjected Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley, “if Mr. Erdogan wasn’t such an inherent sniveling coward (to say nothing of being a petty despotic tyrant and an impotent bedwetter with a small penis), he’d acknowledge his country’s despicable role in perpetrating this crime against the Armenian people and this crime against humanity.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 13th


  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    Lol – I’m afraid that I’m with Petley on this one… πŸ˜€

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Indeed. πŸ˜€

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        Although it was Tansu Γ‡iller who almost started a war with Greece over the Imia islets, so it goes to show you…

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, it just goes to show you that it was the original Dracula… Vlad Tepes… Vlad the Impaler who knew the best way of dealing with Turkish war mongers…

    • draculvanhelsing said,


      Dracula is regarded in Western Europe and the Americas as a villain because of Bram Stoker’s 1897 book.

      But whenever I meet people from Central and Eastern Europe they regard Vlad Tepes as a great hero.

      The recent film Dracula Untold portrays Dracula in a more heroic life.

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        I did enjoy Coppola’s version. It made me think of Stanislav Lem’s Solaris, and the book’s closing words; finis vitae, sed non amoris (life ends, but love doesn’t). As a result, I saw it as a love story; not a horror one.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, there was always a undercurrent of a love triangle between Dracula, Jonathan and Mina Harker even in Bram Stoker’s original novel.

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    What a horrible crime – genocide. And none says a thing of truth behind those crimes.

    We need Dragulia return – call out to Luke Evans, please! πŸ™‚

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, genocide is a horrible crime. 😦

      Yes, Dragulia (Luke Evans) must fly to the rescue. Someone send up the vampire bat signal.

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Well, not sending you down there. You are both the Dracul Van Helsing in ONE! Perfect biological soldier of all time.
        And you can change the world with your Haikus.
        Stand up and sing to the world you poems! πŸ™‚

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, I’m Dracul Van Helsing- Dracula and Van Helsing in one- the synthesis of Dracula and Dr. Van Helsing. πŸ™‚

      And I will sing to my world my haikus and my poems, Sherrie my friend. πŸ™‚

      As the poet Shelley once wrote, “Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.”

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