Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday

April 22, 2015 at 7:24 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday

As a wired journalist for WIRED Magazine (he had drunk 20 cups of coffee while sitting in a Starbucks cafe that had 20 screaming children who had drunk too many chocolate sprinkled cappuccinos) wrote in an online article that the biggest threat to the Earth was “we have too many kids”, the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith and ancient Babel’s ruler Nimrod (who had turned into a frog as a result of a Vampiress’ kiss gone awry) were spending Earth Day in Moscow.

The Vampiress Lilith was having an important meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Nimrod would not be attending the meeting as President Putin did not talk to frogs.

The Russian leader had developed a severe allergy to frogs’ legs after a bad case of food poisoning on a disastrous holiday trip on the Black Sea many many years ago.

So Nimrod decided he would spend the time visiting Lenin’s Tomb in Moscow.

As Nimrod stared through the glass at the embalmed body of Lenin, Lenin’s corpse sat up momentarily and sang “Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!” for of course Earth Day was the same day as Lenin’s birthday.

And today was Lenin’s 145th birthday.

“Where’s my birthday cake and candles?” Lenin shouted.

“I’m sorry,” apologized an old Soviet Red Army soldier who had stood guard at Lenin’s tomb since the very first Earth Day was held on this date back in 1970, “but a birthday cake with that many candles on it- 145- would violate the City of Moscow’s Fire Code.”

“Bloody bureaucratic regulations!” cursed the man who had founded the all-encompassing bureaucratic Soviet state.

The Soviet Union’s founder foamed at the mouth and promptly died again.

“Wow, I just saw Lenin’s corpse sit up and sing Happy Birthday to himself,” Nimrod the frog remarked as he left the Lenin Mausoleum.

“Wow, I just saw a talking frog,” said one vodka drinking Russian man who swore off vodka for life after this strange encounter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 22nd
2015.

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10 Comments

  1. righteousbruin9 said,

    That would be an Earth Day to remember!

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    hahahaha … So weird! I would drink 20 coffees too, but without the 20 kids gone mad after drinking too much cocoa.

    I would certainly be like that soldier but with vodka – not off it. 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      LOL !

      So do you take vodka with your coffee, Sherrie?

      Or do you take coffee with your vodka? 😉

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, coffee with vodka would certainly be different all right. 😀

      Have you ever tried Old Bailey’s Irish Cream with coffee?

      That’s a good combination. 🙂

  3. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    *Every* day is Lenin Day here in Greece, with our new government…

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