Renfield Loses Party Leadership

May 17, 2015 at 7:30 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Loses Party Leadership

So despite a brilliant webcast speech on the Net this past Tuesday where Renfield dressed in a Darth Vader costume and wearing a pair of Mr. Spock Vulcan-like ears on his Darth Vader helmet delivered a speech that political commentators were now calling the Chinese Checkers speech (to contrast it with Richard M. Nixon’s famous Checkers speech of September 23rd 1952), the speech was not enough to save Renfield’s leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party in the electronic phone- in vote whose results were announced today.

Renfield’s Tuesday speech dressed as Darth Vader sporting a pair of Mr. Spock ears that managed to escape the wrath of an Edward Scissorhands wannabe (who imagined himself to be the reincarnation of a Vincent Van Gogh with a nasty projection complex) was not enough to compete with the Wednesday rebuttal given by Renfield’s leadership opponent the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

The Welsh Vampiress’ Wednesday webcast rebuttal delivered to the Party’s overwhelmingly male science- fiction loving nerd membership consisted of Morgana wearing a low-cut white top, short tight purple suede leather mini-skirt, black silk pantyhose and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and doing somersaults and acrobatics on the rug of her living room floor while saying nothing.

The Vampiress’ body language speech so impressed the party’s membership that after carefully wiping their computer and smart phone screens with Kleenex tissues and towels, they automatically keyed in their vote for Morgana electronically.

The final vote was Morgana’s 666 to Renfield’s 0.

Renfield accidentally voted for Morgana instead of himself when a part of his body (not his hands or feet) brushed against his smart phone screen casting the vote for Morgana.

Renfield had thought about re- enacting a personal body dismemberment said to have been performed by the third century theologian Origen of Alexandria but decided against it.

He would live to fight another day.

In the meantime, Renfield had been invited to a midnight cocktail party for defeated politicians at the residence of Vincent Cardinal Nichols the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Westminster.

Renfield couldn’t remember from the invitation whether it was a masquerade costume party or not.

So to be on the safe side he decided to wear a costume anyways and go dressed as the pirate Baldassarre Cossa.

In his pirate vest pocket just above his sword, he found some very old Greek drachma coins.

Renfield thought he might he have a small fortune if Greece soon chose to leave the Euro zone.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th


  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    That cursed Morgana! Where is that video, by the way?

    Oh, and didn’t St. Augustine suffer a similar fate (although he is said to have regretted it in later life)?

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      I suppose you want to check out that Morgana video eh, Nicholas?

      Strictly for academic reasons of historical research of course. 😉

      I hadn’t heard that about Augustine.

      I’ve just heard that said about Origen.

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        Obviously, as a student of politics, I’m interested in the video for purely academic reasons. Duh!

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Of course.

      There’s nothing like groundbreaking research.

      Just like as boys in high school used to tell their mothers when they happened to find Playboy magazines in their rooms while cleaning, “Oh mom, I just buy them for the articles.”

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        Playboy did have some great articles. So did Penthouse, actually.
        Penthouse Forum, on the other hand…

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      I remember using an old issue of Playboy magazine that did an interview with Jimmy Carter when he was running for President and quoting from it when I once wrote an essay on Jimmy Carter for a political science course.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, I remember Patti McGuire was the cover girl.

      She went on to marry American tennis star Jimmy Connor.

      • Nicholas C. Rossis said,

        Oh my! Either you have a much better memory than me, or that girl made quite an impression on you! 😀

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Might be a case of both, Nicholas my friend! 😀

      LOL !

      I do have a good memory but seeing that cover did leave an impression on me.

      LOL !

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      I guess you’ll have to wait for The Economist links in their story on the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party leadership contest. 😀

    • draculvanhelsing said,


  2. Randstein said,

    Renfield completely misunderstood the importance of voter influence using televised trick pornography. Had he worn his John Holmes outfit he might have had a stiff chance. I can’t imagine the anguish at the accidental vote that gave Morgana the final tally with which he was whacked. I know this is serious journalism but I have to admit, I had a few undignified spells of guffawing. Great work 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Thank you, Daniel. 🙂

      I have to admit.

      I had to google John Holmes.

      I guess your knowledge of the various genres of film media out there is a lot more extensive than mine.

      I generally stick to Orson Welles and Hitchcock and old Film Noir.

      Yes, what a difference that one vote made when Renfield pushed the wrong button.

      Sort of outdid the butterfly ballots in that one county in Florida that cost Al Gore the 2000 Presidential election.

      • Randstein said,

        I date myself with that reference. Orson Welles and Hitchcock certainly knew how to build suspense. With John, everything was a foregone conclusion. All his movies had happy endings. But I digress…

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      ROTFL !

      Happy endings eh?

      I take it the boy got the girl and the girl and the girl and the other boy if he so chose… and the other girl etc. etc.

      • Randstein said,

        Yes, those were happy days among the workforce and while the pay was low and working conditions demanding, job satisfaction was among the highest rated in the film industry.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      I remember watching the 1984 Brian De Palma movie Body Double where the hero a struggling actor was trying to find a female porn star and to do so, auditioned for a role in a porn film.

      While auditioning for the role, he tried to put some Stanislausky method acting into the part which didn’t go over too well at the audition.

      So I take it that in the porn industry of the time, all methods were acceptable except the Stanislausky method.

      • Randstein said,

        Yes, partially. Male actors of the time were really only stage props for the protagonist which was always female. The female star used the method extensively but for a prop to emote while performing a function was unnerving to the actress and broke the rhythm of the pre-recorded moans and music of the sound track. It was simply bad form to do so. During the early stages of the budding art form it was important for the incubus male role to hold firm to the rigid demands of the day while the star plied her trade in adroit fashion. Things ended happily when everyone stood up to the rigors of their assigned part. Anyway, that’s what I am told.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Sounds like you had a very long conversation with a male porn star on one occasion.

      Possibly while sitting in a bar while the old porn star worked on his 69th glass of bourbon and soda (as he recalled a far more glorious Summer of ’69 that so captured the imagination of singer Bryan Adams).

      Sort of like the time Ed Wood Jr. visited a bar to seek advice from his hero Orson Welles on following his movie making dreams.

      Welles told him to follow them and Ed Wood Jr. subsequently went on to make Plan IX From Outer Space.

      No doubt Welles probably swore to forego giving out advice while in an inebriated state after that.

      I wonder if you’ll ever post a link on your blog to a movie you’ve made entitled IX Inch Rocket Penetrating Inner Space.

      Or if remembering the example of Orson Welles and Ed Wood Jr., you’ll spare the porn industry the equivalent of the fiasco that hit the U.S. banking industry back in the autumn of 2008.

      • Randstein said,

        LOL! I shall spare the industry the quantum failure of my participation. My exposure was as a Platoon Sergeant in the Army. My soldiers challenged my Wesleyan upbringing by involving me in all manner of rescues from bawdy behavior while in or just after visiting those bars you mentioned. There was a very high incident rate of young soldier marriages to persons in the adult entertainment industry. It seems many thought it was their ticket to fame and indeed, it was a fiasco not unlike the market crash of 08. I became an expert at counseling disenfranchised fledgling actors and actresses. Their mantra during first contact after bail was posted was, “I just wanted to be like John Holmes.” Or in far more cases, “I just wanted to be like Marilyn Chambers.” Both legends who died young bringing an end to happy endings.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      So despite the fact that porn films ended with a bang and not a whimper, there were no happy endings for them in real life.

      Once the cameras stopped rolling and the clothes were put back on and the studio doors were shut, the words of Chaucer “All good things must come to an end” echoed after them as they walked down the streets to their real life destinations

      • Randstein said,

        Yes. Holmes was an unsavory character and died at age 43 having made over 2500 films in his short career with his equestrian attribute. Marilyn Chambers fared better; crossing over to mainstream acting until her death of an aneurysm. She’d blown her mind, still active in the industry at 52 when she died. To the creators of happy endings their’s was not. Or so I’m told 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Very sad.

  3. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    Eh … guys! And porn discussions! LOL

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, it’s ironic that the longest discussion I’ve ever had about one of my blog entries would turn out to be about pornography.

      So ignoring the fact that you’ve just been subjected to a long tirade of guy talk about pornography, what did you think of the original blog entry itself- Renfield losing the leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party?

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Renfield should’ve wear Thor costume – might bring him Asgard’s fortune at hand. Darth Vader is so-out right now. LOL And Mr Spock has his famous pointed ears that beats out the Elves’s ears.

        And yes, I believe, if Greece would be out of Euro zone, perhaps that it will be fine. Always the same corruption story repeating itself over the years …

        Don’t you think the gods had left Greece completely? Took with them all the blessings of Heaventh with them. Krakan should be release once more – Greece had humiliated Zeus not long ago. So, I guess, even Aremis does not do anything anymore, like is if he doesn’t care …. Oh, yes. Perhaps Renfield should call out to Hades – he is still around somewhere …

        And please, no porno without lights in Paris! LOL

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, Renfield should have worn Thor!

      That would have done the trick!

      Yes, Mount Olympus is a lonely place these days.

      No gods there.

      And lights out on Paris indeed.


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