Caitlyn Jenner and Magog Rhys Petley

June 3, 2015 at 8:53 pm (Celebrities, Commentary, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Caitlyn Jenner and Magog Rhys Petley

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley (fresh from his narrow election victory over the Welsh Vampiress Morgana of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party in the constituency of Newbridge in Wales in the recent British general election) was in the City of Los Angeles to give a guest speech at a gala dinner calling for Los Angeles City Council to pass a measure to increase the minimum wage to $15 an hour.

The Los Angeles City Council had voted 13-1 today to hike the city’s minimum wage to $15 per hour by 2020 but since the vote was not unanimous, the matter would come back for a final vote next Wednesday.

The next vote only required a majority and need not be unanimous.

Supporters of the bill were hoping that by bringing in a British politician to speak in favour of the measure (albeit an unknown British politician in this country), this would seal the deal since as the best of PBS programming constantly reminded Americans, it’s so cool to be British.

Magog sat at a table as the gala guests arrived.

He read over his speech.

He wondered how starting with a quote from the Greek philosopher Empedocles would go over with an American audience.

Magog sipped from his glass of buttermilk.

Magog often drank buttermilk because there was an ingredient in buttermilk that served as an antidote to the particular variety of lycanthropy he suffered from and prevented his turning into a werewolf.

Often when buttermilk had been unavailable prior to his giving a speech, the result was often a social mishap of gargantuan proportions- a raving, snarling and howling failure.

“Buttermilk?” A beautiful woman in an elegant evening gown sat at the table across from him, “Don’t you drink anything stronger than that?

“Usually,” Magog replied, “but I have to give a speech later on.”

“I know what you mean,” the woman smiled, “my stepdaughter and stepson-in-law often get into trouble for saying outrageous things in public and they don’t even need alcohol to bring it on.”

“Really? Stepchildren?” Magog looked disappointed, “you mean to say you’re married?”.

“Oh yes, I’m married,” the woman smiled, “I’m married and I’m also 65.”

“65? Really?” Magog looked shocked.

The woman must use Oil of Olay, the Welsh werewolf British Labour MP thought to himself.

“I’ve been listening to your accent,” the woman played with one of her earrings, “Are you English?”,

“Welsh,” Magog snarled angrily.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the woman looked apologetic, “I know what it’s like when people don’t take you for who you truly are.”

“Magog Rhys Petley,” the British Labour MP extended his hand.

“Caitlyn Jenner,” the woman extended her hand.

The two shook hands.

“Oh, excuse me a second,” Caitlyn stood up, “I see trouble brewing. My stepdaughter just broke someone’s iPad with her rear end as she was bending over to pick her purse up off the floor.”

“Really?” Magog looked astonished, “That’s unusual.”

“Of course I broke the entire Internet recently myself when I got the most number of Twitter followers in the least number of hours,” the woman smiled, adjusted her hair and ran off in the direction of the sudden commotion in the hall.

Magog looked in that direction.

He noticed a man- the man looked familiar for some reason (Magog put on his spectacles to take a closer look and thought the man was quite possibly a singer) – shouting at another man and saying, “My wife has the best rear end of all time. The best rear end of all time!” to which the man with the broken iPad replied, “You’re a jack ass!”.

Magog decided to go to the washroom to comb his hair and beard before he was called upon to give his speech.

Twitter eh?

He had been told by some of his parliamentary colleagues as well as members of his constituency and campaign staffs that he should really get a Twitter account himself and start tweeting.

Several politicians these days did have Twitter accounts.

Mikheil Saakashvili the new governor of Ukraine’s Odessa region (and former President of the Republic of Georgia) and Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov had recently been using their respective Twitter accounts to exchange personal insults with one another.

Magog was unsure about whether he should start a Twitter account.

After all, it was rather difficult to reduce his hero and idol Karl Marx’s economic theories of history to a mere 140 characters.

Magog entered the washroom.

As he looked at himself in the mirror while he combed his hair and beard, he recalled something that woman Caitlyn Jenner had said to him about being true to who you really are.

Who was he really? Magog thought about himself.

Man?

Or wolf?

Man, I guess, he thought to himself.

After all, literal wolves probably weren’t allowed to sit as MPs in the British House of Commons.

At least not yet anyways.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 3rd
2015.

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11 Comments

  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    Lol – another brilliant post 😀

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    Oh, I miss that buttermilk! LOL
    Will Magog going to ravage Caitlyn Jenner later? Uuuuuu … not nice meat to eat! Esp when it is raw. He needs strong wine to go with it! LOL

  3. Randstein said,

    Excellent! I do hope it’s the proper buttermilk and not some cheap hydrogenated vegetable oil substitute. Otherwise, things might get odd for Mr. Magog.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      No, Magog drinks the proper buttermilk.

      The type of fresh buttermilk that my dad used to drink when he was raised on a farm north of Calgary.

      My dad volunteered to churn the butter (since it was done by hand in those days) since my grandmother then let him drink the resulting fresh buttermilk.

      • Randstein said,

        Oh the memories! My great grandmother used to have us kids churn butter in an old wooden churn to keep us occupied and out of mischief. We had no idea it was work, we thought we were having fun because our great grandmother made such a big deal out of how great we were at it 🙂 She didn’t have toys and video games for us. She had butter and buttermilk.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Those are great memories! 🙂

      Yes, it was an old wooden churn that my dad used to churn the buttermilk.

      Butter and buttermilk- probably a healthier combination for kids than video games and television.

      And of course- those time honoured educational issues of National Geographic. 😉

      • Randstein said,

        The stuff of life! 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      🙂

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