Pan Goatee In Athens

July 3, 2015 at 5:32 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee In Athens

Genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and contract assassin Pan Goatee was walking the streets of Athens, Greece.

Pan was seeing what chaos he could create in this already chaotic situation that was unfolding in Greece.

What inspired him to come here was a dream he had the night before where he was standing outside the walls of ancient Troy and he saw Paris (the lover of Helen of Troy) standing beneath the Trojan Horse and looking up and shouting, “Hey Ulysses, I really think it’s time you come down off your high horse.”

As Ulysses did so, he forgot to use the ladder and took the quick way down instead.

An action which resulted in his death.

To say nothing of his brains being bashed out and splattered all over the ground.

The goddess Athena appeared and wept.

Ulysses had been one of her favourite mortals.

For as a member of the female sex, it had been her experience that thinking was an action that most males were totally unfamiliar with.

And the fact that Ulysses had made much use of his cerebral processes had sent her the goddess of wisdom into many an orgasm.

As Athena kneeled there weeping over the death of Ulysses and bewailing her loss of orgasms in the foreseeable future, Pan Goatee googled on his Samsung Galaxy smart phone recipes for cooking brain stew.

That’s when he woke up.

He astral projected himself to Athens to see what chaos he could wreak.

He shapeshifted into the appearance of German Chancellor Angela Merkel and stood there sticking his tongue out and making fun of Greek citizens queing in a long line up at one bank ATM machine.

He then went to another ATM machine at another bank around the corner where there was another long que of Greek citizens anxious to get money.

This time he shapeshifted into the appearance of Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras and stuck his tongue out and made fun of those standing there.

Back in his air conditioned hotel room over an ice cold cocktail, Pan Goatee enjoyed a good laugh over the Angela/Alexis impersonations he had performed at numerous long bank ques throughout Athens.

It should make for an interesting result in next Sunday’s referendum, Pan Goatee thought to himself.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 2nd


  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    So, *that’s* whom I saw the other day while waiting at the ATM! I did find it strange that Mrs. Merkel would fly all the way to Athens…

  2. Randstein said,

    I suspect Mr. Goatee has spent a lot of time in the halls of American government, shape shifting into our beloved community organizer’s image and performing such shenanigans as to paralyze the congress of baboons we elected to make a shambles out of our society. I think I now know who is responsible for Mrs.Clinton’s leering smile and Monica’s strangely stained blue dress.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      LOL !

      And unfortunately in those days they didn’t have Tide laundry pads to stick in the washer to wash out those stains.

      • Randstein said,

        And the rest is history. Pan is such mischievous Satyr πŸ™‚

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Indeed. πŸ™‚

      He’s one creature who definitely knows how to cause pan-ic!

      As no doubt, Monica said “Ich!” when she saw the stains on her blue dress.

      • Randstein said,

        What a silly girl she was to evoke the presence of Pan Goatee in that way. She’s lucky he didn’t appear as an elephant or a Lion. That would have ruined her and the dress.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, although it would have been interesting to see Hillary with a mop and wash bucket in the Oval Office and mopping up the said squashed human body parts and blood stains and now totally ruined blue dress and singing her own paraphrased version of that song from the movie musical South Pacific.

      The song that originally went,

      I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair,
      I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair…”

      Although Hillary’s paraphrased version would go,

      “I’m gonna wash that woman right off of the floor,
      I’m gonna wash that woman right off of the floor…”

      • Randstein said,

        Bwaaah haaa haaaa! What a great musical that would make πŸ™‚

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, Andrew Lloyd Webbber can try his hand at it- perhaps calling it The Goat’s Head In The Oval Office. πŸ˜€

  3. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    And where is Renfield? Is he with the doctor in some hotel and bang some Greek beauty while Pan Goatee doing his job? I thought he would appear somewhere in the Congress and sit of a metal Throne with his Kaleesi and the dragons. lol And sticking out tongue to the whole world.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, Renfield was undoubtedly banging some Greek beauty in a hotel room. LOL !

      And the doctor was probably seeing where Medusa (no longer sporting a snakey hairstyle) had gone off to with the Kraken.

      Here he had brought Medusa back from the dead, got a robot barber to give her a haircut ridding her of the snakes, used his Instant Hair Growth Shampoo to grow her original pre-curse hair back, bought her a bunch of French designed evening dresses and then she goes and takes off with the Kraken.

      LOL !

      I imagine Renfield will assume the throne and stick his tongue out at the world when he finishes banging the Greek beauty. πŸ˜€

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Good thing is that the barber is a metal creature that cannot get any curse from the gods at all … I wonder if the Goddess are angry that Medusa finally has her hair back? lol

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, no doubt the Goddesses are very ticked off that Medusa has got her hair back.

      LOL !

      Dr. Cadbury Rocher better watch out!

      The Goddesses might be eating him for breakfast (or a midnight snack if one of them is pregnant πŸ˜‰ )

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Imagine Medusa got pregnant with Kraken babies! Hmmm … she needs a Mighty Midnight snakes! Eh, I mean SNACKS! LOL

      • draculvanhelsing said,

        LOL !

        Snakes… snacks!

        Good pun, Sherrie. πŸ˜€

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: