Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel

September 30, 2015 at 7:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel

The sight was somewhat unusual.

A beautiful red headed woman wearing a green evening dress walking alongside a man who looked the part of what a middle-aged Mormon missionary suffering a mid-life crisis might look like if he was trying to recapture the glory days of his youth.

The background was even more unusual.

It was the bombed out remnants of a Syrian town recently hit by Russian war planes.

Back in Washington D.C., U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry was pulling his hair out over the possibility of World War III breaking out in Syria.

A Kerry aide was already on the line trying to get hold of Donald Trump to see what colour of spider monkeys’ fur the Republican Party Presidential front runner used for his hair pieces.

Another Kerry aide was trying to get hold of President Obama to stop the outbreak of World War III.

But President Obama was already on another line trying to deal with what he considered a far more pressing issue- trying to arrange a diplomatic tete a tete between Sir Elton John and Russian President Vladimir Putin to resolve their differences on the issue of gay rights.

Meanwhile back in the bombed out ruins of the Syrian town, the woman in the green evening dress spoke to the middle-aged Mormon missionary looking man who looked to be suffering a mid-life crisis.

“Well,” the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked, “what do you think?”.

“Well,” CIA agent Bob Belfor answered, “it looks like the Russian Air Force have inflicted damage unlike our Air Force when we hit Islamic State targets. The only time we get it right on target on IS is when we’re supposed to be dropping supplies to our allies and we end up dropping them safe and intact into Islamic State hands by mistake.”

“Yes, you Americans seem to be bungling this war quite nicely,” Lilith looked around.

“We try our best,” Belfor smiled.

“But the reason I called you here,” Lilith drew closer to Belfor, “is can you arrange an incident to happen between Russia and the Israelis?”.

Lilith had made it her life long vampiric mission to destroy the nation of Israel ever since rabbinic commentators had slandered her good name in the Babylonian Talmud.

As for the mid-life crisis suffering CIA agent Bob Belfor, he wasn’t too pleased with the Israelis either ever since the Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem had referred to him Bob Belfor as a “total jackass” at an international secret agents’ cocktail party in Geneva 5 years ago.

“I think,” Bob Belfor grinned, “that can be arranged.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 30th

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Renfield’s Take On Liquid Water Being Found On Mars

September 29, 2015 at 7:09 pm (Commentary, News, Science, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield’s Take On Liquid Water Being Found On Mars

“Now that NASA has found signs of flowing water on Mars, their next most important step should be to find signs of flowing beer on Mars.”

-Renfield R. Renfield

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The Candle In The Glass: A Poem

September 28, 2015 at 6:07 pm (Poetry) (, , , )

The Candle In The Glass

The candle in the glass flickers
so pretty
so golden
as it floats upon the water
casting light that sparkles and spins
upon the glass
a sight of beauty
that makes one feel warm and welcome in the dark
the door opens
a cold wind blows in
and the light dances for its life
The door closes
and the light shines brightly once more
no longer having to deal with the icy cold fingers of death in that chilling wind
It sparkles in the glass
doing a dance of joy
Instead of a dance of struggle
for its very existence.
But people barge in through the door
opening wide the icy cold breath of the thing that seeks to extinguish the light
The light of the candle in the glass
And one of these times the cold wind of death will come bursting in
and snuff out the light of the candle in the glass
And that light will burn no more
Oh, the same candle may be lit again
but the light that burns
will not be the light that burnt before.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday September 25th

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Haiku About Gilderoy Lockhart

September 24, 2015 at 7:09 pm (Literature, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Gilderoy Lockhart

Gilderoy Lockhart
all flash glitz and no substance
true celebrity

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Haiku About Harry Potter

September 23, 2015 at 6:12 pm (Literature, Movies, Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About Harry Potter

Scar on his forehead
Mark of Voldemort is also
Harry’s destiny

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Renfield’s Dream of The Mercutio Dachshund Commercial

September 22, 2015 at 7:46 pm (Commentary, Culture, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield’s Dream of The Mercutio Dachshund Commercial

Renfield R. Renfield had taken several aspirins to get rid of his massive headache and had then gone to bed.

He dreamed he was in the living room of the White House in Washington D.C. where the First Family were weeping over a commercial on the large screen TV they were watching.

As President Obama blew his nose into a handkerchief, the commercial began by showing an image of a sad looking Dachshund.

Announcer (with sad voice): Meet Mercutio. You might think that looking at Mercutio that you’re looking at one sad looking Dachshund.

But you’d be wrong. We as a society only see what we see on the outside. We forget that wise old saying that you can’t judge a book by its cover. We allow our preconceived prejudiced notions to reflect our external reality outside.

For you see poor Mercutio isn’t really a Dachshund. He’s a giraffe trapped in a Dachshund’s body.

When Mercutio was a young Dachshund pup, he realized he was different than other Dachshunds.

His friends teased him and told him that he was weird.

Alas! Poor Mercutio. He felt like a total outcast.

Mercutio did not know what was wrong with him until he watched an African safari documentary on the Discovery channel on his owner’s TV set.

That’s when he realized he was actually a giraffe.

A giraffe trapped in a Dachshund’s body.

How little Mercutio longed to stick his neck out and eat the leaves off the tallest trees.

Something that was next to impossible for him to do as a Dachshund.

But which would be as easy as pie (instead of pi) if he were a giraffe.

But alas poor Mercutio!

Most health insurance plans in America do not cover the cost of Transpecies operations to turn him from Dachshund to giraffe.

Most people in America today refuse to accept the reality of the Transpecies community.

They can’t believe that it’s possible to be born into one species’ body while actually being another species.

And that’s why Mercutio looks sad.

That’s why Mercutio feels sad.

That’s why Mercutio IS sad.

Mercutio feels excluded.

Mercutio feels an outsider.

No one accepts Mercutio for who he truly is.

Let’s change that- you and I.

Together we are the change that we can become.

Let’s pressure Congress to change the Medicare laws so that Transpecies operations will be covered under most health care plans.

Let’s we as a nation become more acceptable and tolerant of the Transpecies community.

Let’s understand and show more compassion to the elephant who wants to become a mouse.

The mongoose who wants to become a snake.

Or even our friend Mercutio here.

The Dachshund who wants to become a giraffe.

Let’s make Mercutio’s dream a reality.

(Mercutio starts to smile)

Let’s make Mercutio feel accepted for who he truly is.

(Mercutio starts to grin)

Let’s make Mercutio a giraffe.

(Mercutio starts to grin from ear to ear)

You see that happy smile on Mercutio’s face.

You see what we can do when we become the change we can be.

We’ve just made Mercutio one happy Dachshund… pardon me… one happy giraffe. 🙂

As the First Family watered the living room carpet with their tears and the rainbow lights were once again turned on over the White House, Renfield woke up.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 22nd

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Haiku About Oskar Schindler

September 21, 2015 at 7:15 pm (History, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Oskar Schindler

In an evil world
a good man does what he can
all make it to list

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Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

September 19, 2015 at 6:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia And The Vatican Cardinal

The gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia lay on the sofa in the living room of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She had no cab fare to get home.

Renfield R. Renfield had invited her over to give him a private fortune telling reading.

It turned out that he wanted her to examine more than his palms.

So she had hit him over the head with an ancient clay tablet that listed the sexual escapades of the Greek god Zeus.

It had knocked Renfield out- probably for the next several hours.

In the meantime, she hoped either Amadeus Emanon or Athelstan the butler or some other person more civilized than Renfield (including the vampire Set who was best known for bodily dismembering his brother Osiris) would get home to the mansion soon to give her cab fare to get home to her own home.

She lay on the sofa in the low-cut red mini dress that Renfield had requested she’d wear for this occasion.

She fell asleep.

And dreamed a dream.

In the dream, she saw the Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper whom she had once seen in a television interview.

In the dream, Cardinal Kasper did a little dance and sang to the tune of Monty Python’s Lumberjack Song,

“Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay
I read my Bible the Raymond Brown way
Don’t take it seriously, it just don’t pay
‘Till you get ’round to Judgement Day…”

Dulcinea Lucia was awakened by a sudden clap of thunder and flash of lightning.

She then heard Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan walk in through the door.

Renfield could be heard mumbling to himself as he lay on the floor, “Did anybody get the license plate number of that white swan?”.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 18th

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Haiku About Dracula

September 18, 2015 at 8:09 pm (Folklore, Horror, Humour, Mystery/horror, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , )

Haiku About Dracula

Dracula was well
’till he had stakes at sunrise
gave him true heartburn

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Oracle Tang At The Burning Man: A Poem

September 17, 2015 at 6:12 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Poetry) (, , , , )

Oracle Tang At The Burning Man

At the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada,
They celebrate art work that they call dada
And whilst there, they set the Wicker Man on fire,
he goes up in smoke like a burning tire
They call it an act of self-expression
Pyromaniac might be a psychiatrist’s impression.

For one week on this dry lake bed
as the scent of pot goes to the head
it becomes Black Rock City
an apocalypse so pretty
Now this year, they’ve got a holographic orangutan
One who doesn’t have to use Ultra-Ban
an image that looks part orangutan
and part vampire bat
when he flaps his orange furry wings, you’ll fall to the mat.

His two eyes suddenly merge into one cyclops eye
Horus’ capstone eye showing theorem of pi
The Image of the Beast is here at last.
Head down to Black Rock- it will be a blast!

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday September 7th

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