Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

September 10, 2015 at 5:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her silk nightgown and read an email she had received from an MI-6 Agent whose code name was Diablos Nocturna.

She had never met Diablos Nocturna in person but the two had met on-line and had discovered they both had a mutual enemy.

They agreed to share information.

Diablos had sent her a copy of a report that he had received from an Israeli Mossad agent whose code name was The Controller of The Golem.

The report chronicled the movements of a Kraken sized octopus who was skateboarding across the state of Israel.

At his side as he skateboarded across Israel was a beautiful long haired redheaded woman who always wore the most elegant evening dresses and who had the ability to glide inches above the ground as she walked.

The Kraken and the redhead were first spotted at a global courier delivery service in downtown Tel Aviv where the woman arranged to have a dozen shopping bags couriered to her penthouse apartment in London.

They then went up to the Sea of Galilee at the woman’s insistence so that she could walk on water up there.

“I’m giving these people something they haven’t seen in 2000 years,” she said to the Kraken as tourists hastily took pictures with their smart phones.

A divinity professor at Yale who thought all of Christ’s miracles were strictly symbolic and that nobody could actually walk on water died of a heart attack when his daughter emailed him the picture.

He couldn’t fathom the thought of having to revise all his theories and revise all those textbooks he had written.

They then went to Cana of Galilee where the Kraken, wanting to upstage the redhead’s miracle of walking on water, tried to turn pitchers of water into lager beer at an American biker’s outdoor motorcycle wedding.

When the attempted miracle failed abysmally, the Kraken found himself being pursued by a group of angry tattooed motorcycle gang members and their equally angry tattooed brides.

The redhead who called herself Medusa had wisely ascended into the sky and headed off to Jerusalem before the Kraken had even attempted his water into beer wedding miracle.

She had recently seen the Kraken attempt to pull a rabbit out of a silk hat at a Mafia wedding in Sicily and when he had pulled out the local Mafia don’s mistress’ personally monogrammed panties instead, that had not gone over so well.

The Kraken jumped on his skateboard and headed out of town just before sunset as the Hell’s Angels followed on hot pursuit on their motorcycles.

“I don’t recall this ever happening in Lady Gaga’s music video about Judas,” were the Kraken’s last words as he skated past the sign that said You Are Now Leaving Cana of Galilee.

. . .

The redheaded Medusa’s descent on to the Temple Mount on August 27th 2015 (on the 40th Anniversary of Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie’s death in Addis Ababa) frightened away both Orthodox Jewish wailer at the Western Wall and Muslim worshipper on the Temple Mount alike paving the way for the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI to skateboard on to the Temple Mount on his skateboard bearing the image of former Rastafarian Bob Marley.

The report from the Controller of the Golem that Qonzilqointec was reading bore the notation that the Controller had been immediately summoned by the Office of the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu to report immediately to a West Jerusalem police station to take a sobriety test.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 27th


  1. Hyperion said,

    Another splendid rendition of the Kraken and Medusa. They were made for each other. I lost all dignity and a sizeable amount of my liquid refreshment as I read about the Kraken’s failed magic tricks although the result of the mafia wedding didn’t actually seem to be a failure. Probably just a misunderstanding of the entertainment value of such a feat. I’ll hoist my remaining non-converted water in a blogoteer toast,

    This Buns for you!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel. 🙂

      Yes, many of the guests at the wedding of the local Mafia don’s daughter (the price of which caused her father the local Mafia don to shoot off all ten of his toes while he was wiggling them) failed to see the entertainment value of the Kraken magician’s silk hat trick.

      The reason for which was that the trick was overshadowed by 3 volcanic eruptions that took place at the wedding after the local Mafia don’s mistress’ personally monogrammed silk panties were taken out of the silk hat.

      Each one of these 3 individual volcanic eruptions in itself equaled the force of one volcanic eruption from Mount Etna (the seismic shock of each one reaching as far as the Vatican in Rome itself causing Pope Francis to wonder whether he shouldn’t really relax the rules against masturbation for members of the College of Cardinals).

      The first volcanic eruption was caused by the local Mafia don’s mistress as she wondered how a pair of her panties got into the Kraken’s possession.

      The second volcanic eruption was caused by the local Mafia don himself as he too wondered how his mistress’ panties (that he paid for- the price of which cost him his middle finger) got into the Kraken’s possession.

      The third volcanic eruption was caused by the local Mafia don’s wife who wondered just why it was that her husband was erupting over another woman’s panties emerging from the Kraken’s silk hat.

      The power with which the Mafia don’s wife attacked her husband the Mafia don was not a pretty sight to watch.

      And the local Mafia don wound up losing another part of his anatomy.

      What part you might ask?

      Well let’s just say that this part won’t be joining certain anatomical parts of Osiris and Rasputin in the Lost and Found section of a Museum any time soon.

      • Hyperion said,

        All I can say is, if the Kraken comes to my neighborhood with Medusa, I’m staying indoors. That’s a whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on 🙂 I might put on some personal protective devices as well.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL ! 😀

      • Hyperion said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    I have ALWAYS been fascinated by Medusa…now you have me even more so! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Carolyn. 🙂

      Yes, this new reborn Medusa (minus the hair of snakes) is turning out to be quite the fascinating character. 🙂

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    A funny for today: I have a friend who is tired of being out and about and everyone is staring at their phones. He said, “I wish people would get their heads outa’ their apps!” 😛
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL ! Carolyn! 🙂

      I’ll have to see about posting what I’ve written the past few weeks.

      I’ve written lots.

      Just not posted here.

      I’ve been using my smart phone to probe world events.

      Quite dismal- the world situation- I guess I should stop worrying about it and post what I’ve written.

  4. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    LOL Another brilliant writing on our favourite Kraken and Medusa. Always trying to imagine his Bob Marley skateboard and the lovely evening dress of Medusa.

    I got to laugh hard at the part where Kraken tries to do magic and pulling out panties instead. Hah! Imagine how that go? hahaha … LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Sherrie. 🙂

      Yes, how ever did those panties get inside his magician’s hat? 😀 LOL !

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Uuuu … Medusa would kill everyone on the way to get what she wants on finding the secret of those panties. Were those panties are all in one row and tied together??? Uuuuu … must be glittering tangas! LOL
        Kraken will get big trouble! hahaha …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Medusa will give the Kraken a beating he’ll never forget.

        He’ll stick to rabbits in his future magic acts.

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Which rabbits do you mean, Chris?
        Those rabbits from the Playboy mansion?
        Or the Jack O’ Hare rabbits? 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL, Sherrie. 😀

        The Jack O’ Hare style rabbits of course. 😀

        Unless the Kraken wants to get the cyborgic life beaten out of him (which will be the case by Medusa if it’s Playboy bunnies). 😀

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