Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

October 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

Cardinal JM a member of the College of Cardinals was in his office in the Vatican working on a paper he was going to present to the Synod of Bishops On Marriage and The Family currently underway in Rome.

Cardinal JM who taught a course on the astronomical theories of Giordano Bruno at one of the pontifical colleges in Rome secretly worshipped the Ancient Greek gods- in particular Zeus and Apollo.

His personal private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was a secret worshipper of Hecate the Ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Father Wardenclyffe was out this evening getting a massage at a gay health spa in Rome.

The paper that the Cardinal would present at the synod would argue that Yahweh (the name for God in the Old Testament) wasn’t really the Supreme Creator of the Universe.

He was only an extraterrestrial astronaut and scientist who monkeyed with the DNA of apes to produce Homo sapiens.

The ancient Hebrew peoples mistakenly assumed that this ET scientist Yahweh was the Supreme Creator of the Universe when he wasn’t.

Thus since Yahweh was not the Creator, his outdated and homophobic notions on sexual morality could safely be ignored in today’s church, Cardinal JM argued.

The Cardinal looked over what he had written and smiled.

He put the paper in his desk and went out for a walk in the streets of Rome.

He looked up at the night sky that was dotted with multitudes of stars.

One of those stars seemed to hover directly over the Colosseum and then seemed to fly speedily away.

Cardinal JM lit a marijuana cigarette and inhaled in unClintoneseque fashion.

Hm, was that a UFO? The Cardinal wondered.

He continued to walk down the street and as he did so, he hummed to himself the lyrics of an old Carpenters song from the 1970s, “Calling occupants of interplanetary craft…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 6th


  1. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    This simply remind me the confession of Priest Chamsara who just being stripped off duty as a priest at the Catholic church just a few days ago after he confessed to the whole world that he is a gay priest. He said, “Now I am happy priest and I am transparent.”

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I created the characters of Cardinal JM and Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe in my vampire novel back in 2013.

      And then just before the Synod, Father Charamsa comes out of the closet.

      So it looked like I was prophetic again in writing my vampire novel.

      Father Wardenyffe’s character foreshadowed Father Charamsa.

      Although Father Charamsa is Polish while Father Wardenclyffe is American.

      And you’re right, Father Charamsa says he’s now “Transparent”.

      Today transparent… tomorrow transgendered? ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Not sure what happened to the church … the Devil work his way inside the place like it is his own … It is tainted with his imprint everywhere … The fall of the Catholic church is coming true as it was predicted and prophesized in the Revelation …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, that prophecy is definitely coming true.

        Pope Paul VI apparently made the famous statement back in 1972 that “the smoke of Satan has entered the Temple of God”.

        And in 2015, the smoke has seemed to advance everywhere.

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    A great read, Chris! Bring on more!
    “unClintoneseque fashion”… ๐Ÿ˜›
    HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    This is so weird. It is like I “LIKE’ few blogs numerous and later it did not appear as if I already read it. Strange … ๐Ÿ˜›

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The WordPress genie must have no Dr. Watson to prevent him from hitting the magic mushrooms. ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        hahaha … Yes, definitely.
        Last night I watch the Hound of Baskerville. It was really good. Later, I watched the Reichenbach Fall where Holmes fake his death and murdered Moriarty. That was an excellent part and the most saddest one when I saw Martin Freeman cried over his friend at the grave. Brilliant, brilliant actors.

        But I do not like Andrew Scott as Moriarty althoug he play a role as a mad man good enough. Very convincing. I prefer to have Robert Downey Jr’s Moriarty, played by Jared Harris. He is more of the higher rank kind of Moriarty, a genius, a professor, an artist, a murderous intelligent maniac – more a noble kind of Moriarty and scary.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Jared Harris Moriarty is more like the sort of Moriarty Renfield would be if he played Moriarty- a genius, a professor, an artist, a murderous intelligent maniac – although of course if Renfield played Moriarty he’d also be more of a sex maniac as well. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Oh, yes! That is soooo Renfield. Missing his women stories. If in real life I meet Renfield, I would for sure will STONE him right there. Hmmm … imagine it if Dr Rocher can invent Viagra STONE … every men dingles would be so STONE. Too hard! hahahaha … Geezzz … I talk dirty. wah hahaha … LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, you do.

        LOL !

        Maybe you can get a job working for one of those phone sex hot line companies and get paid to talk dirty. ๐Ÿ˜€

        French President Francois Hollande will probably be one of your biggest caller/customers. ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Get paid for making strange noise behind the phone and no one knows your face. That is so cool! hahaha …
        Got paid for doing nothing. LOL
        hahaha …
        Not only PResident Francois Hollande … I bet Clinton will be most interested as well. LOL hahahaha ….

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bill or Hillary? ๐Ÿ˜€

        There are rumours that Hillary occasionally swings the other way. ๐Ÿ˜›

  4. Hyperion said,

    Finally, the church joins the American reality show History and Discovery Channel to give us the transparent truth on astronaut DNA finigglers monkeying with our head elves. Your prophetic abilities are very precise and entertaining Chris! I’ve discovered that I shouldn’t be eating my highly processed ham sandwich diner at the computer when Sherrie talks dirty. I got partially chewed sandwich material all over my keyboard now. ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      ROTFL !

      Someone better notify the President of France that he shouldn’t have any Camembert in his mouth when Sherrie talks dirty to him. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        He shall spew forth his wicked intent upon the burgeoning blouse of his rented maidens.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. ๐Ÿ™‚

        And then he’ll sip champagne as he licks the Camembert off the blouses of the rented maidens. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Renfield R. Renfield will have a field day with that image stuck in his mutant hamster human brain.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, visions of the maiden known as Lenore will forever haunt his dreams. ๐Ÿ˜€

        The maiden and the piece of cheese that got away.

        Will Renfield ever see her and the cheese on her blouse again?

        Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

      • Hyperion said,

        I suspect Lenore made herself instantly unavailable after the unfortunate cheesation of her blouse. Rented maidens can take a lot but there are some workplace hazards that just demand a hasty retreat.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Especially from Renfield with his fierce reputation and sharp hamster like teeth.

      • Hyperion said,

        She might not wait for the cheese sneeze to beat a hasty retreat.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, the infamous cheese sneeze.

        People were left with something else besides eggs on their face.

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaa haa haaa! eeewwwww ;P

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        They’re showing videos of the whole incident at weight loss clinics.

        It’s been found to be an excellent appetite suppressant.

      • Hyperion said,

        I can see the value in that. It might even introduce people to the benefits of the 100 yard dash. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Particularly when you have the latrines or toilets located 100 yards away. ๐Ÿ˜€

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