Renfield In Sleepy Hollow: A Poem
Renfield In Sleepy Hollow: A Poem
For Renfield, it was not such a bitter pill to swallow,
to be at this time of year visiting the town of Sleepy Hollow,
for he could have been with the band Smashing Pumpkins
and eaten horse men’s heads with his chicken dumplings.
For Renfield was a cool cat though shapeshifting hamster he be
and was always human when he took a pee
or visited the tea rooms for afternoon tea.
For the time of year was Halloween
when ghosts and goblins walk to be seen
and wouldn’t be caught dead in outfits too green.
Leave that to the leprechauns
and those who eat green cheese with their prawns.
Amadeus was picking magic mushrooms off the lawn
while 3-headed guard dog Cerberus did watch and yawn,
Angry Hades or Pluto shouted,
Now, Brussels sprouts have sprouted
And ferryman Charon just sat and pouted.
And so on this night in Sleepy Hollow,
It was Renfield’s 10th can he did swallow,
Ah, said he, Sherrielock’s beer is so divine,
these mushroom ingredients taste so fine,
And I can act as if I’ve lost my mind.
Sherrielock Holmes approached wearing black mask and carrying a black whip,
She also wore black lipstick on her lip,
And had one stern black gloved hand upon her hip,
She wore black leather skirt and black fishnet nylons,
With her stilettos, she kicked over construction pylons.
Along came Headless Horesman riding with pumpkin head,
Sherrie whipped him off his horse and he fell to ground quite dead.
Ichabod Crane said, “The world has gone topsy turvy,”
as he looked at Sherrielock’s corseted top so curvy.
Ichabod got to Hell out of there
as Renfield dropped his underwear
and Sherrielock whipped his bottom so pink
that his lower cheeks turned red like lines on a hockey rink.
I think I got Renfield’s porno pay-per-view channel by mistake,
said Amadeus as he ate mushrooms that turned him into a flake
He used an autumn leaf for a remote control to change the channel
when he suddenly got beamed by a wooden panel
for a witch on a broomstick collided with a window
as otters in a nearby stream chased after a minnow.
For it was Halloween in Sleepy Hollow
where chaos ruled the land as statue succumbs to winged swallow.
So beware of magic mushrooms on this Halloween night
for your bottom the next morning will look quite the sight.
-A Halloween poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 30th
2015.
Hyperion said,
November 1, 2015 at 4:29 pm
I can’t wait for the movie, Chris! This was divine horror and exquisite comedy. Sherrielock taking Renfield’s bottom to task was quite the visual. I think Angelina Jolie should play Sherrielock’s part and for the scene where Sherrielock whips Renfield’s raucously randy rump, we should get a CGI bluescreen rendition of Kim Kardashian’s rather rotund rump super imposed on Donald Trump. I’d pay money to view that on cable pay-per-view. You Rock Sherrielock!!!! Great poem, Chris. Pure unbridled awesomeness.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 1, 2015 at 5:12 pm
Thanks very much, Daniel. ๐
Yes, Angelina Jolie would make an excellent Sherrielock Holmes. ๐
Interesting you should think of Angelina Jolie.
Back in 2009, I wrote a vampire novel chapter where vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was being interviewed on Larry King Live.
The scene unfolded like this:
Larry King: Now Mr. Van Helsing, our sources tell us that a bell boy recently walked into Angelina Jolie’s hotel room in an exclusive New York City hotel and he found Angelina Jolie wearing an evening dress and sitting on the bed and draped across her lap was your naked self and she was spanking your bare bottom with a wooden hairbrush. Care to comment on that?
Dracul Van Helsing: We were just rehearsing a scene for a possible movie about the last hours in the life of the late former U.S. Vice-President Nelson Rockefeller.
Hyperion said,
November 1, 2015 at 5:58 pm
I wonder if Pixar could do something with these excellent scripts you have. It could finally dynamite Hollywood off of these inane un-reality shows that are so boring the incidence of TV rage relate incidents are up 3000 percent is the US.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 1, 2015 at 6:15 pm
Yes, many a remote control has found its life come to a sudden end by being hurled like a Intercontinental Ballistic Missile through the screen of a wide screen High Definition television.
Hyperion said,
November 1, 2015 at 6:19 pm
I can attest to the panic one can feel when Kim Kardashian’s prized ass set fills the screen of a 72 inch television. It’s bit intimidating. Having a smartass in the house with a whoopee cushion and a dramatic sense for timing can be unnerving. I confess. I irritate my family sometimes, well…maybe a lot.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 1, 2015 at 6:34 pm
Yes as your family leaves the living room in a great hurry that can only be described by the title of that classic film Gone With The Wind.
Hyperion said,
November 1, 2015 at 6:37 pm
You truly are clairvoyant, Chris. That is precisely how the scene plays out. ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 1, 2015 at 6:39 pm
๐
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:25 am
wah hahahaha … I did thought so on the same thing on Angelina Jolie. I did saw her whipping a man as a fake domina in “Mr & Mrs Smith” movie. She was divine! Love Angie. She is a type of a woman I would want to be – a heroin in everything. ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:32 am
Yes, I think I used that scene in Mr. and Mrs. Smith as inspiration for my Larry King-Dracul Van Helsing Interview vampire novel chapter.
She’d make a great Sherrielock Holmes. ๐
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:00 am
She is great!
A beautiful assassion, domina, sexist, etc …
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:15 am
I loved the dresses she wore in that movie The Tourist that also starred Johnny Depp. ๐
I was having lots of dreams about her the night after I saw that movie. LOL !
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:20 am
I have not watch that film yet.
I love that Angelina.
I too, think that Monica Belluci is very sexy. Even now in her 50’s she is so hot!
I just realized she’s in the new James Bond film “Spectre”. I cannot wait to watch. I can imagine having to go to the Cinema with you and Daniel.
We would commented of all the buns and the puns, of Renfield and Kraken and Medusa. All audience would parted away from us while we laugh and throw up the popcorn everywhere. hahaha …
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:31 am
I remember when I watched the movie Malena with Monica Belluci.
I spent all that night dreaming about her I remember.
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 2:23 am
I really love her. The first time I watched her as Cleopatra in Asterix film with Gรฉrard Depardieu, she was one of the most beautiful and sexiest women on earth. What a very, very beautiful woman, really, this Monica Belluci. Gosh …
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 2:36 am
Yes, she is very very beautiful indeed. ๐
Hyperion said,
November 2, 2015 at 10:30 am
She is a very good actress because of her hard work and versatility. Spanking the Vampire boys would be the right thing to do. They always seem to be a little like Jeffery, lol!
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:57 pm
Naughty Jeffery, yes.
I would spank him butt for that too. ๐
Hyperion said,
November 2, 2015 at 4:43 pm
Jeffery is Hit! OTTER DOWN!!! LOL ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 5:02 pm
His buns are warm and he’s been PUNished.
It’s a Blogoteer initiation which will take him weeks to recover.
Hyperion said,
November 2, 2015 at 5:57 pm
It’s not too much of a price to pay to be a Blogoteer ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 6:08 pm
No, I guess not. LOL ! ๐
Hyperion said,
November 2, 2015 at 6:10 pm
It the beer, puns, and buns at the end that really matter. ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 6:51 pm
And Jefferey like Renfield really got it in the end. ๐
Hyperion said,
November 2, 2015 at 6:55 pm
Bwaaa haaa haaa! He’s the butt of Sherrielock’s disciplined brush.
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 7:35 pm
Now, he’ll be the butt of jokes for years to come.
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 3, 2015 at 2:22 am
wah hahaha …
Done by the bad girl Sherrie-Lock! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 3, 2015 at 2:36 am
Sherrie’s laser whip said: Lock on target.
And Darth Jefferey was down.
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 3, 2015 at 3:08 am
wahahaha … Love that! LOCK on target.
Otter down! Otter down!
And whip his ass! Ouch! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 3, 2015 at 3:40 am
Yes and instead of saying Obi Wan Kenobe, Jefferey yelps “Ow My Bummy Whine Cry-ok!”.
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 3, 2015 at 4:14 am
LOL ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 3, 2015 at 6:16 am
๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 5:09 pm
He won’t be able to sit down for a week.
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 3, 2015 at 2:23 am
He has to wear special diapers! lol
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 3, 2015 at 2:38 am
Yes, Jefferey has gone back to his second childhood in more ways than one. ๐
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 3, 2015 at 3:11 am
And Mama is there to make sure he does! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 3, 2015 at 3:45 am
LOL !
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:43 am
My dear, Chris!!! You are so AWESOME!!!
hahaha … Love the description on Sherrielock and her black outfit.
So, I whipped a headless horseman dead?
Awesome! I should try to whip Donald’s wig and hang it on the pole for all the Sleepy-Hollowers to see! LOL
Not for underage. You get eye-cancer from the too-orange hair!
wah hahaha … ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:53 am
Thank you very much, Sherrie. ๐
Yes, you can hang Donald’s orange hair wig on a pole for all to see!
A very scary sight indeed. ๐
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:02 am
The next horror inspiration of King’s new novel … The Sleep Hollow’s Mysterious Hanging Orange Monkey Hair … ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:17 am
LOL !
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:49 am
Reblogged this on MY.THOUGHTS.MY.LIFE.MY.WORLD. and commented:
This is a poem written by dear friend Christopher via Dracul Van Helsing. He write a dark humourous stories, poems, haikus, with his satrical jokes and literary composition on politics and of politicians alike. Here he wrote a Halloween celebration in Sleepy-Hollow with a character familiar to me as Sherrielock as the twin-sister of Sherlock Holmes.
Do enjoy! ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 12:56 am
Thanks so much for the reblog, my dear friend. ๐
ัะฝัััฮนั โั ฮฝฮฑโััฮนฮฑ said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:02 am
You are welcome, Chris!
๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 1:19 am
๐
doesitevenmatter3 said,
November 2, 2015 at 11:12 am
HA! Love this! ๐
๐ฎ Too bad I didn’t read it BEFORE Halloween night! ๐ฎ
Still-can’t-sit-down-HUGS!!! ๐ ๐
Dracul Van Helsing said,
November 2, 2015 at 4:13 pm
LOL ! @ Still Can’t Sit Down hugs.