Renfield In Sleepy Hollow: A Poem

October 31, 2015 at 5:41 pm (Humour, Mystery, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Sleepy Hollow: A Poem

For Renfield, it was not such a bitter pill to swallow,
to be at this time of year visiting the town of Sleepy Hollow,
for he could have been with the band Smashing Pumpkins
and eaten horse men’s heads with his chicken dumplings.
For Renfield was a cool cat though shapeshifting hamster he be
and was always human when he took a pee
or visited the tea rooms for afternoon tea.

For the time of year was Halloween
when ghosts and goblins walk to be seen
and wouldn’t be caught dead in outfits too green.
Leave that to the leprechauns
and those who eat green cheese with their prawns.

Amadeus was picking magic mushrooms off the lawn
while 3-headed guard dog Cerberus did watch and yawn,
Angry Hades or Pluto shouted,
Now, Brussels sprouts have sprouted
And ferryman Charon just sat and pouted.

And so on this night in Sleepy Hollow,
It was Renfield’s 10th can he did swallow,
Ah, said he, Sherrielock’s beer is so divine,
these mushroom ingredients taste so fine,
And I can act as if I’ve lost my mind.

Sherrielock Holmes approached wearing black mask and carrying a black whip,
She also wore black lipstick on her lip,
And had one stern black gloved hand upon her hip,
She wore black leather skirt and black fishnet nylons,
With her stilettos, she kicked over construction pylons.

Along came Headless Horesman riding with pumpkin head,
Sherrie whipped him off his horse and he fell to ground quite dead.
Ichabod Crane said, “The world has gone topsy turvy,”
as he looked at Sherrielock’s corseted top so curvy.

Ichabod got to Hell out of there
as Renfield dropped his underwear
and Sherrielock whipped his bottom so pink
that his lower cheeks turned red like lines on a hockey rink.

I think I got Renfield’s porno pay-per-view channel by mistake,
said Amadeus as he ate mushrooms that turned him into a flake
He used an autumn leaf for a remote control to change the channel
when he suddenly got beamed by a wooden panel
for a witch on a broomstick collided with a window
as otters in a nearby stream chased after a minnow.

For it was Halloween in Sleepy Hollow
where chaos ruled the land as statue succumbs to winged swallow.
So beware of magic mushrooms on this Halloween night
for your bottom the next morning will look quite the sight.

-A Halloween poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 30th


  1. Hyperion said,

    I can’t wait for the movie, Chris! This was divine horror and exquisite comedy. Sherrielock taking Renfield’s bottom to task was quite the visual. I think Angelina Jolie should play Sherrielock’s part and for the scene where Sherrielock whips Renfield’s raucously randy rump, we should get a CGI bluescreen rendition of Kim Kardashian’s rather rotund rump super imposed on Donald Trump. I’d pay money to view that on cable pay-per-view. You Rock Sherrielock!!!! Great poem, Chris. Pure unbridled awesomeness.

  2. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    My dear, Chris!!! You are so AWESOME!!!
    hahaha … Love the description on Sherrielock and her black outfit.
    So, I whipped a headless horseman dead?
    Awesome! I should try to whip Donald’s wig and hang it on the pole for all the Sleepy-Hollowers to see! LOL
    Not for underage. You get eye-cancer from the too-orange hair!
    wah hahaha … ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    Reblogged this on MY.THOUGHTS.MY.LIFE.MY.WORLD. and commented:
    This is a poem written by dear friend Christopher via Dracul Van Helsing. He write a dark humourous stories, poems, haikus, with his satrical jokes and literary composition on politics and of politicians alike. Here he wrote a Halloween celebration in Sleepy-Hollow with a character familiar to me as Sherrielock as the twin-sister of Sherlock Holmes.

    Do enjoy! ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! Love this! ๐Ÿ˜›
    ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Too bad I didn’t read it BEFORE Halloween night! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
    Still-can’t-sit-down-HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€

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