Orson Welles: A Poem

October 10, 2015 at 7:49 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Plays, Radio, Stage) (, )

Orson Welles: A Poem

From an adaptation of MacBeth set on the island of Haiti
to a rich man dying for his childhood sled
from a Haitian Cain to a Charles Foster Kane
he traversed the realm of human character.
Whether it was the Martians landing in New Jersey
or a magnificent Amberson getting his comeuppance
he traversed 20th century mediums from stage to radio to film.

Whether it was chimes at midnight for a Sir John Falstaff
or an escaped Nazi getting stabbed in the back by a moving clock piece on a clock tower in The Stranger
Welles traversed the sands of time from medieval Europe to 20th Century New England.

Whether playing an Irish sailor on a boat for a lady from Shanghai
or a gangster named Arkadin flying solo in a plane in the air above Spain
Welles transported himself through nationality and locale with ease.

From a mysterious third man in Vienna to a shady police captain on the U.S.- Mexico border
Welles mixed a touch of evil with a slice of lime
and like a cat with 9 lives, he revises a dead film character on radio.

From playing the Shadow on radio to casting a huge shadow on techniques of film making
Welles was a giant
and pygmies do not take well to giants
Like a Swiftian hero under Lilliputian ropes
Welles found himself tied by Hollywood moguls
for Welles created great art and not massive profits
he honoured Apollo the god of the arts
and they honoured Mammon the god of money
He reverenced Shakespeare
and they reverenced a rising investment portfolio
He loved the language of the Bible
and they loved the numbers that grew in account book ledgers.

So the only magic Welles would perform in later years was on stage in front of live audiences
instead of magic on the screen in cinemas in front of moviegoers
performing tricks of sleight of hand
instead of tricks of sleight of camera

He did TV commercials for Paul Masson wines where he sold no wine before its time
to doing radio ads showing the absurdity of peas growing in the snow in Lincolnshire in July
to fjords in Norway where the cod gather in great shoals and grow “crumb, crisp coating”.

That final interview on the Merv Griffin Show 30 years ago tonight
Welles reconciled with warthogs and the spirit of his late former wife Rita Hayworth
and then would go home and enter eternity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday October 10th 2015
30 years to the night after
the death of Orson Welles.

Advertisements

Permalink 22 Comments

The Men Who Stare At Playboy Bunnies

October 9, 2015 at 7:16 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Movies, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Men Who Stare At Playboy Bunnies

Renfield R. Renfield had just finished writing a screenplay for a movie.

Renfield intended his script to be a sequel to a 2009 movie called The Men Who Stare At Goats.

That movie was about U.S. Army experiments to investigate the paranormal and see if they could create a psychic super soldier able to kill telepathically.

One of the experiments involved men staring at goats.

Renfield’s idea was for a program whereby soldiers’ psychic abilities would be developed by having the men look at Playboy bunnies instead of goats.

The program would turn out to be unsuccessful however.

Instead of developing psychic abilities, the men would catch pneumonia from always having to take cold showers afterwards or they would retreat to washroom cubicles with multitudes of paper towels.

The U.S. Army budget was being eaten up by the amount of overtime Army janitors were racking up in order to clean up the said cubicles- toilet seats and floors alike.

Renfield emailed the script to a big shot Hollywood producer.

He wondered what sort of response he would get.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2015.

Permalink 26 Comments

Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

October 8, 2015 at 7:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield’s Dream of Donald Trump Wearing Kilts

As Renfield R. Renfield slept on the couch, Amadeus Emanon was sitting in his chair singlehandedly eating every single piece of KFC chicken they had purchased earlier that evening.

Amadeus wondered where the complementary container of special Bavarian mushroom sauce that came with the bucket of chicken had gotten to.

Unbeknownst to Amadeus while he was in the bathroom washing his hands, Renfield had eaten every single drop of the special Bavarian mushroom sauce said to contain “Sherrie’s secret ingredients”.

Which would probably explain the dream Renfield was having at the moment.

Renfield was dreaming that he was out on the Isle of Skye in Scotland when who should he see come skipping and jumping through the glen but Donald Trump wearing a kilt.

Donald Trump (singing and dancing while wearing a kilt):

Oh I went out on the Isle of Skye
I got goosed by a fruity guy.
All the laddies say hello,
Donald, where’s your trouze-ers?

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Flashing my kilt
along I go
waving my dickie to all my friends
Donald, where’s your trouze-ers?

Mercifully Renfield woke up before he saw what would have been the post-traumatic stress disorder inspiring sight of Donald Trump in a kilt waving his dickie at him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 8th
2015.

Permalink 22 Comments

Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

October 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

Cardinal JM a member of the College of Cardinals was in his office in the Vatican working on a paper he was going to present to the Synod of Bishops On Marriage and The Family currently underway in Rome.

Cardinal JM who taught a course on the astronomical theories of Giordano Bruno at one of the pontifical colleges in Rome secretly worshipped the Ancient Greek gods- in particular Zeus and Apollo.

His personal private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was a secret worshipper of Hecate the Ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Father Wardenclyffe was out this evening getting a massage at a gay health spa in Rome.

The paper that the Cardinal would present at the synod would argue that Yahweh (the name for God in the Old Testament) wasn’t really the Supreme Creator of the Universe.

He was only an extraterrestrial astronaut and scientist who monkeyed with the DNA of apes to produce Homo sapiens.

The ancient Hebrew peoples mistakenly assumed that this ET scientist Yahweh was the Supreme Creator of the Universe when he wasn’t.

Thus since Yahweh was not the Creator, his outdated and homophobic notions on sexual morality could safely be ignored in today’s church, Cardinal JM argued.

The Cardinal looked over what he had written and smiled.

He put the paper in his desk and went out for a walk in the streets of Rome.

He looked up at the night sky that was dotted with multitudes of stars.

One of those stars seemed to hover directly over the Colosseum and then seemed to fly speedily away.

Cardinal JM lit a marijuana cigarette and inhaled in unClintoneseque fashion.

Hm, was that a UFO? The Cardinal wondered.

He continued to walk down the street and as he did so, he hummed to himself the lyrics of an old Carpenters song from the 1970s, “Calling occupants of interplanetary craft…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 6th
2015.

Permalink 32 Comments

A Night At The Observatory

October 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Night At The Observatory

At the Palomar Astronomical Observatory in Southern California, astronomer Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum was looking through one of the telescopes.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed something unusual flying through the heavens.

The object looked like images one saw of UFOs.

Yet the object was as clear as day (or at least as clear as this night was) .

There also seemed to be lights flashing on the UFO.

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum, who had a background in U.S. Naval Intelligence, recognized the pattern in the flashing of the lights as a type of Morse code.

He quickly grabbed a pencil and paper and jotted down the message sent to him by the UFO in deep space.

When he had finished, the message read, ADONAI Was Not Who He Claimed To Be.

Adonai?

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum bit the eraser at the end of his pencil.

Wasn’t that one of the Hebrew names for God? he asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 4th
2015.

Permalink 22 Comments

Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

October 3, 2015 at 6:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Netanyahu: When ET’s Friend Phones You Not Home

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in the back of a diplomatic limousine in Manhattan after having delivered a passionate speech at the UN General Assembly in New York City.

At his side was the Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem.

The phone in the limousine rang.

The Prime Minister looked at the number.

He recognized the number of the U.S. National Security Council in Washington D.C.

“Hello,” the Prime Minister of Israel picked up the receiver.

“Mr. Prime Minister, this is a friend,” the voice said, “you must give up all control over the Temple Mount and East Jerusalem itself.”

“Who is this?” The Israeli Prime Minister demanded to know.

“And you must give up all control over the West Bank,” the voice said, “We know this was part of the land promised to you by The Lord God of Israel but he’s just an extraterrestrial- an astronaut from another world – He’s not the Supreme Creator of the Universe. We have the evidence to prove it which we will share with you at a future date. But in the meantime don’t hold on to the Temple Mount, East Jerusalem and settlement areas in the West Bank areas as if they were part of some divine mandate.”

“Who is this?” The Prime Minister was furiously angry.

The phone clicked.

And went dead.

The Prime Minister looked over at the Controller of The Golem.

“It was probably a hacker/prankster with a really bad sense of humour, Mr. Prime Minister,” the Controller assured him, “one who’s watched one too many episodes of that American TV program Ancient Aliens.”

“Maybe,” the Prime Minister looked thoughtful, “or maybe something much more sinister.”

Outside the limousine, some New York City doomsayer held up a placard that bore a verse from II Thessalonians Chapter 2, “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie.” -II Thessalonians 2: 11.

A billboard across the street read, “God was just an astronaut.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 1st
2015.

Permalink 36 Comments

« Previous page