Renfield and Recep: A Tale of Two Assholes

November 1, 2015 at 9:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield and Recep: A Tale of Two Assholes

To Renfield R. Renfield, Sherrielock Holmes would always be THE woman, Renfield thought to himself as he rubbed his buttocks.

He had spent Halloween in Sleepy Hollow, U.S.A.

On the plane ride back home to London, he had sung the Sir Elton John song I’m Still Standing.

And had literally done just what the title says on the entire flight home.

In the living room, Amadeus was watching the news on television.

U.S. Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter was answering questions from members of the media on the TV screen.

“Mr. Secretary,” said one reporter, “given recent happenings in both Iraq and Syria, is the President breaking his promise about not having boots on the ground in those countries?.”

“The President is not breaking his promise,” Carter reiterated, “the Army has a huge appropriations order for ballet slippers under Presidential directive.”

. . .

The MI-6 Operative called Diablos Nocturna was writing an analysis for himself on the results of today’s Parliamentary elections in Turkey.

He wrote, “Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan took another step closer to creating a new Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.

His so-called Justice and Development Party (AKP) won a majority of seats in today’s Turkish parliamentary elections.

Blowing away his opponents in two separate bombings since last June’s election and blaming it on ISIS seems to have helped him considerably.

He doesn’t have enough seats in Parliament to enact changes to the Turkish Constitution yet but no doubt a few more well-placed and well-timed bombings will help him overcome those obstacles as well.”

-Diablos Nocturna

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 1st


  1. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    wah hahaha …
    Pervert Renfield!
    I wonder, what is he imagining? …
    THAT woman … hehehe ..
    Whipping Renfield’s ass! 😀

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Yes, THAT woman as Bill Clinton would say. 😀

    THE woman as Sherlock Holmes would say. 😀

  3. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    It was amazing to watch the celebrations in Turkey. Sigh…

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, I remember watching an old British Pathe newsreel film of Germans cheering wildly when Hitler was elected Chancellor of Germany back in January 1933.

      The festive mood struck me as being the same.

  4. Hyperion said,

    Another excellent and prophetic piece, Chris. I love how you have captured the administrations sly way of avoiding further scrutiny by hiding the boots on the ground in ballet slippers. Technically, not a lie if one is devoid of a moral compass. And poor Renfield’s raucously randy rump after Sherrielock Holmes put the people’s smackdown on his bloviating buttocks.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, and of course many people high in government seem to be devoid of a moral compass.

      Still I imagine the U.S. Armed Forces will see a major drop in volunteers for recruitment once commercials are shown showing the Army and the Marines charging into battlefields wearing ballet slippers.

      San Francisco will probably be the one city bucking this national trend as multitudes of recruits sign up from the City On The Bay.

      Oh well, at least the Commander-In-Chief won’t have far to go to find a hair stylist if he should feel the urge to visit his troops.

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh, yes. Business as usual.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As the Vacillator-In-Chief says, “Can we do Swan Lake in the middle of the desert? Yes, we can!”.

      • Hyperion said,

        The troops will love it! The camels…not so much.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, a camel wouldn’t walk a mile for it.

      • Hyperion said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


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