Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

December 9, 2015 at 8:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

Cardinal JM was contemplating a lawsuit as he stared at the Nativity scene on his desk.

It was his own personally designed Nativity scene that he had made back in 2012- when he thought the pagan gods of the ancient world would be returning to Earth.

Unfortunately a Russian nuclear submarine with a laser death ray had vapourized and disintegrated the returning space ships of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl with their deity occupants back on December 21st 2012.

Then back on Halloween night last year, the great scientific genius Dr. Cadbury Rocher had managed to reassemble the particles of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl and put them back together again.

Dr. Rocher did this work clandestinely since most of the time Dr. Rocher was employed by Set Enterprises owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (and Set probably wouldn’t be too pleased by having his brother, brother-in-law and rival Osiris reassembled yet again).

But getting back to his beloved Nativity scene, Cardinal JM wiped a tear from his eye, he had made back in 2012 a fierce looking Zombie Christ Child with fangs visited by 3 zombie wise men.

And he had just discovered that a couple in Ohio in the U.S. had been displaying a larger sized Nativity scene (with the exact same theme as his) on their property the past couple of Christmasses.

What use was it being a great artist and thinker if other people swiped your ideas?

Cardinal JM wiped another tear from his eye.

He helped himself to some human fingers from his appetizer bowl as he gazed lovingly at the Zombie Christ Child.

He blew his nose into his handkerchief and wiped away a few more tears.

He went over to his prized collection of The Collected Writings of Cardinal Walter Kasper on his mantelpiece.

Pope Francis had said reading Cardinal Kasper was like “doing theology on one’s knees”.

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had added, “Yes while vomiting into the toilet.”

Van Helsing and Pope Francis held widely contrasting views on Cardinal Kasper’s theology.

Cardinal JM looked at his watch.

It was time to join his private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe in prayers to Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in their private chapel to her.

They would ask Hecate for her witchcraft blessing on the coming Papal Year of Mercy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 9th
2015.

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34 Comments

  1. anaatcalin said,

    “Reassembled yet again,” LOL! Chris, you’re so cool!

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Thanks very much, Ana. 🙂

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    As I’ve said before…I love how you weave past, present and future into your novel! I don’t know any other writer who does that. Most won’t even include current events or people into their stories.
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…I’m warning everyone…Please protect your chestnuts around open fires! 😉 😀

  4. Hyperion said,

    I always wondered what went on behind the green door!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Now you know. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, I’ve bitten the apple. Bzzzzzzzt!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And now a serpent is exploring what you have hidden under your fig leaf… 😉

      • Hyperion said,

        EEEEEK! That’s my private stash of baked mushroom buns. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And as Maxwell Smart says when he arrives on the scene, “Well, they’re not so private anymore.” 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Max was my favorite secret agent next to Agent 99.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The Chief was always my favourite head of a spy agency. 🙂

      • Hyperion said,

        He suffered horribly from his desire to hear the secrets Max knew in the cone of silence. A great metaphor for the leaky security system we’ve discovered wandering around in our private lives.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And today only ISIS, Putin and mainland China as well as the North Koreans hear the secrets being said underneath those glass bubbles in Washington DC.

        The American intelligence agencies long to know but they’re as in the know as Max’s Chief.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, if we want to know what’s going on we have to buy our information back from those nations that hack our computers and take the data we need to do the silly things we do.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        😀

  5. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    Re-assambled the gods who died?
    Dr Rocher should try to re-assembled the old playboy god Zeus again – he will for sure, in this modern era, would appear on every Playboy Magazine – the Playboy God of all Time! LOL
    I think, every women and other female creatures would come down lick his feet while they kneel in front of him!
    hehehe …

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Zeus would definitely qualify as the greatest Playboy god of all time, all right. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Oh yes. But not a so clever Playboy god – he made too many strange demi-gods along the way! 😛

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Zeus was a lot like Bill Clinton.

        He thought with his penis and not his brains.

        It was Zeus’ daughter Athena who had the brains in that family.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        I love Athena. She is the brain in that family because I think she was born right out of Zeus’head. He was pregnant in his head and didn’t know of this until the mysterious headaches he got all those time.

        Pregnant on your head … hmmm … that is so weird. Weirder are when Loki got a child of an eight-legged horse. Can use it for racing! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Athena is my favourite Greek deity.

        I’d often have dreams about Athena when I was a kid.

        So Loki had an 8-legged horse for a child eh?

        Wow.

        That must have been quite the scene in the delivery room.

        Delivery room announcer: And it’s the 8-legged horse coming out of the gate… 8-legged horse coming down the stretch… and it’s the 8-legged horse by a nose… and in the stands… Loki faints…

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yes. The child 8-legged horse is known as Sleipnir, which later riden by Odin to the location of Hel. I’m not sure who the mother of the horse was?

        The gods are all weird creatures, really … 😛

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I just found out by Googling the story that Loki pulled a Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner in an equine fashion and that Loki was the mother.

        He turned himself into a mare and then seduced a stallion.

        I then wrote a poem on the subject and posted it to my blog last night. 😀

        Yes, you’re certainly right about the gods being weird. 😛

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        He is way pervert than Renfield! He got taste for anything. LOL
        At least Renfield got syle.
        😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Renfield has style and class.

        He only goes for the best in women. 🙂

        Loki goes for anything- including horses. Ugh! 😛

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        And maybe Loki would go for Trump too!
        Eeeeeewwww … what am I thinking!
        LOL hahahaha …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Loki would turn himself into a red spider monkey and start making love to Donald Trump’s hair in the middle of a Presidential debate. 😀 😛

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Oh yes. Loki would love to do that.
        He is known as god of mischief.
        He’ll do anything bad for the sheer of fun. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Loki is extremely mischievous. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yes, that is because he is a god! 😛

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A god of mischief.

        Who made a horse’s ass of himself. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Horse’s ass?
        Now I know that impression!
        LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL ! 😀

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