Stan Was The Man: A Poem Introduced By Alfred Hitchcock

January 15, 2016 at 8:38 pm (Entertainment, Movies, Poetry, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Stan Was The Man: A Poem Introduced By Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock: Good evening, I’m Alfred Hitchcock and welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents. I’ll start out by saying that rumours of my death have not been greatly exaggerated. I’ve been dead now for almost 36 years. But as the old saying goes, you can’t keep a good man down.
So by popular demand, my ghost has returned to bring you an encore presentation of my popular television series Alfred Hitchcock Presents for this year of 2016.
As you know I was the host of an extremely successful television series that ran on two different networks CBS and NBC over the course of a decade back in the late ’50s and early ’60s.
Those were the days when television studios relied on good plots and captivating dialogue to grip and enthrall their audiences.
Today of course they rely on gratuitous sex and excessive violence and close-up shots of derriรจres of air headed celebrities in an effort to keep their ratings high.
Some producer recently suggested that maybe they should try producing one television show this year that actually relied on that extremely old fashioned formula of good plots and captivating dialogue.
The producer immediately found himself pushed through the window of the board room from the high floor of the building he was in.
So regretably he won’t be around to see his proposal come to fruition.
I myself just happened to be in the neighbourhood at the time appearing as a special guest on a Haunted Hollywood tour.
So they asked me to line up a program in the late lamented producer’s memory.
So tonight, I am pleased to present a television episode that’s in the form of a poem.
The poem is entitled Stan Was The Man.

Stan Was The Man: A Poem

Stan was the man
The man with the plan
The plan was to steal the Crown Jewels
and make Scotland Yard look like fools
Into the Tower of London he went
claiming to be the Duke of Kent
he helped himself to the Crown Jewels
and left behind miniature toy mules
Into the getaway car he hopped
and not once was the fleeing vehicle stopped
On streets and roads and sidewalks it went
carrying the pseudo-Duke of Kent
to pursuing police cars it would not yield
even denting the car of Renfield R. Renfield
That was their fatal mistake
one they’d regret to Eternity’s gate
Renfield followed in hot pursuit
who he ran over, he didn’t give a hoot
Cameron would end up replacing half his cabinet
after they wound up on London streets like scrambled eggs and squashed rabbit
Renfield caught up with the robbers three
after they crashed into a bakery
He pulled out his gun
while ordering a bun
and shot the trio dead
while helping himself to jam so red
He then ate the bun
and said, I have to run
and off he drove
this son of a gun.

Alfred Hitchcock: And so ends tonight’s episode told in the form of a poem.
Stan discovered too late that the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.
The Crown Jewels were returned to the Tower of London, Stan and his compatriots paid an impromptu visit to the London Morgue and Renfield discovered a great new place to buy cinnamon buns.
As that most illustrious of playwrights Mr. William Shakespeare once said, “All’s well that ends well.”
And so with that in mind, I bid you adieu and good night ladies and gentlemen.

-A poem, episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 15th


  1. anaatcalin said,

    Wonderful Chris! I loved this one. The very true facts stated here have been on my mind too for quite some time, and I wonder why things are as they are. Why gratuitous sex, violence and derriere are the only elements that can keep the public’s attention. I grew up with captivating plots and good dialogue, and I miss those days terribly, but people don’t seem to react to that anymore. Is it probably because people’s lives have become so complicated and full that they don’t have the energy to follow fictional characters’ struggles? They need something very very very light? I don’t know, I’m still wondering, and I’d love to hear your take on it.

    • Hyperion said,

      I’m with you, Ana! TV and movies were nutritional as a kid. Now it’s like a psycho-ward in a cheap horror film. It isn’t a surprise at all. Every year millions of lines are written about the corrosive effect and it’s all ignored as we munch our starchy snacks and watch stuff blow up directly after a good butt shot.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Our world is indeed becoming more complicated, Ana.

      People’s attention spans are becoming shorter.

      As can be seen by the overall popular usage of Twitter with its 140 characters as opposed to the more traditional blogging sites where people write posts that more thought has gone into.

      Plus I suspect the way reading is taught to younger people gets worse with each passing decade.

      When my dad was in Grade 1, he read Greek myths, Robin Hood, King Arthur and Biblical stories.

      When I was in Grade 1, I read the riveting drivel of Dick and Jane and “See Tom. See Tom run.”

      And I suspect it’s only worse now.

  2. Hyperion said,

    You really get my head elves jumping for joy. Hitchcock hour was one of my favorites and I remember the old Bates motel and those pesky birds.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Hitchcock’s movies and TV shows were great.

      He certainly knew how to build up suspense in the minds of the audience.

      A gripping storyteller through his use of the camera.

      • Hyperion said,

        I can remember many a spellbound moment under Hitchcock’s tutelage.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        He certainly knew how to make one jump out of one’s seat. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Yeppir Buddy!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        There was actually an Alfred Hitchcock film I had never seen before that was on Turner Classic Movies last night.

        It was called I Confess and was from 1953 and starred Montgomery Clift.

        Hitchcock filmed it on location in Quebec City, Canada.

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Great intriguing profound write, Christopher!
    When I was a little girl I was fascinated by the Hitchcock movies on Sat-afternoon TV! I especially loved The Birds! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Ha! Whenever I see birds gathering on my back wall, I think of Hitchcock!
    Alas, I think kids today are missing out on good movies, books, poems, TV…the stuff they focus on (Like “Keeping Up with the Kard…’s” and Twilight books) is so shallow. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, sadly most of today’s entertainment is extremely shallow.

      Alfred Hitchcock was one of my favourite 2 motion picture directors- the other one being Orson Welles.

      Had the stupid Estate lawyers not dragged out the settling of my Dad’s Estate for years eating up the Estate funds and I had had the sufficient money to attend the Vancouver Film School (my reason for moving to Vancouver in the first place) where I planned to take programs in both Screenplay Writing and Film Directing, I would have probably been greatly influenced by both Welles and Hitchcock in the making of my films.

      • doesitevenmatter3 said,

        Aw. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I wish you could have done that. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ You would be a good screenplay writer! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Thank you very much, Carolyn. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    Sex is all what the people need these days because they are lonely. No more love nor romance in life and many are single and deranged by thoughts of suicide. So, when Game of Thrones introduced that raw and wild sex, people goes crazy all over the world and then came along the 50 Shades of Grey … Oh, dear lord, I would say … is that all they can do??? Alright, but no offense here, that George R.R. Martin is a brilliant author.

    But then the old times like in Edgar Allan Poe or Hitchcock, or Bram Stoker, wrote really very, very scary stories that plays and manipulate the mind. It makes one feels as if someone invisible really breathe behind your neck and it gives you chill down your spine, and you couldn’t even trust your own home when you walk down the corridor to the loo and you might peed in your own pants! LOL

    I was hell scared after reading Poe in the night! But the least I ran quickly to the loo and ran back again into the bedroom light Usain Bolt! LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I’ve never read George R.R. Martin.

      I’ve never seen Game of Thrones because it’s only available on the HBO Network on cable TV in Canada- an expensive channel to subscribe to.

      So it was Game of Thrones that started the raw sex crave on TV was it?

      I enjoy watching Turner Classic Movies – those are the films I like. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        Oh, that is simply stupid having GOT aired only at HBO. Not all can go there. Usually, I would go for free streaming online and there I can watch any films (old or new) and TV series without no problem. For as long as you have internet connection and it does not make your data full, that is one way to watch anything free.

        Yes, GOT are like the new version of “The Tudor” but with lots of raw sex. Not that romantic, but just as raw as it can be.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Germany must have better Internet and cable TV regulations than Canada does.

        Free streaming services are generally blocked out on Internet in Canada.

        I suppose if one had the hacking skills of Renfield R. Renfield, you could find your way around it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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