The Universe Is Unfolding (Possibly Not As It Should)

January 20, 2016 at 7:49 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Universe Is Unfolding (Possibly Not As It Should)

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was in the Set Enterprises lab doing some Prognostication experiments with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

He was seeing what results would come out of this year’s Oscars.

On the computer screen, Dr. Rocher was viewing what Michelangelo was viewing through his prophetic lobster antennae which were hooked up to the computer.

Host of this Year’s Oscars (on stage) : Well I see by the number of people wearing white hoods and white robes and by the number of flaming burning crosses outside the auditorium, we’ve got a different sort of crowd at this year’s Oscars…

. . .

Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. in London was petting his Siamese cat Oysterella and wondering what he should do now after receiving the latest memo from his higher-ups the Board of Directors of the Company.

The Board of Directors of his Company were demanding that he find the next big music superstar pronto or he’d be finding himself in line at the Unemployment office.

“Oh dear Oysterella,” the Music Exec sighed, “where am I going to find the next big music superstar?”.

. . .

Although Amadeus Emanon was quite fond of most varieties of food, he had been a teetotaler in his drinking habits for most of his life.

But after a recent conversation with his good friend the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont, he had decided to become the next big thing to hit the arts.

As such he had purchased a dozen bottles of absinthe since he had heard that absinthe had served as an inspirational muse for great writers such as Ernest Hemingway, Charles Baudelaire and Oscar Wilde and great artists such as Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec and Amedeo Modigliani.

As Michelangelo sputtered and asked for Viagra in lobstertalk in his lobster tank as he psychically picked up the name Modigliani from Amadeus’ thoughts and immediately thought of Sherrielock Holmes, Amadeus meanwhile lay at the bottom of the stairs after finishing off his dozenth bottle of absinthe.

“The follies of drunkenness,” Renfield remarked as he stepped over the dozing Amadeus at the bottom of the stairs.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he looked down at the sleeping Amadeus.

“I wonder what evil influences Amadeus has fallen under,” Renfield asked himself as he sipped from his 24th bottle of bourbon this night.

He went into his bedroom and used his Find-Yourself-A-Hooker app on his smart phone to do just that.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 20th


  1. anaatcalin said,

    Hahahahaaa, as always super entertaining. I’m sharing this! The only thing that bothers me, is why my Michelangelo can’t stop reacting to Sherrielock Holmes… Hmmm, I’m jealous LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Ana. πŸ™‚

      So you’re jealous of Michelangelo’s reaction to Sherrielock eh?

      LOL !

      I guess if Daniel wants to write another story about a cat fight like he did with Gloria and Mariah, he can write a story about you and Sherrielock fighting over Michelangelo. πŸ˜€

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    When I read the news online (as I don’t watch it on TV for several reasons), my first thought is, “Oh! I wonder how Chris will work this into his writing!” πŸ˜€ And you never disappoint and you always entertain! πŸ™‚
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Carolyn. πŸ™‚

      It’s a delight to know that the way I work the news into my writing never disappoints. πŸ˜€

  3. ѕнєяяιє βˆ‚Ρ” ναℓєяια said,

    Uuuuuu … Ana is jealous! hehehe …
    Sherrie-lock Holmes are on the Β΄mission in the French mountains to look for Pan the Goatee god with hooves and studying the Chemistry of gods and hooves! LOL Ok, ok, bad jokes ever! hahaha …

    Alright, now I will look for absinthe too! Cheers to Intelligence Moment then!
    #Always love Amadeus and Renfield#

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      So Sherrielock Holmes has been in the French mountains looking for the hooves of Pan the Goatee god eh?

      Instead of “Danny boy, the pipes are calling”, it was “Sherrie girl, pan pipes are calling.” πŸ˜€

  4. Hyperion said,

    OMG! Excellent chapter Chris. No, I don’t think I better write a catfight between Sherrielock and Ana. The only thing that would come out of that would be a serious tomato tattoo on my posterior position after those two girls read the story.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      As you go around singing the Sir Elton John song, “I’m still standing…”

      • Hyperion said,

        …or his epic Daniel. “Do you still feel the pain of the scares that won’t heal…”

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And your answer to that question will be, “Yes.” πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Whackety-Whack, smack, smack, Sherrielock is back.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Use a pillow before you sit, Jack. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! The tomato-bun syndrome don’t cut no slack.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It just cuts like a tack. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        And that’s a fact!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You better believe it, Mac. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Whackety-Whack, Smack, Smack! We got the rhythm, we got the knack. πŸ™‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        After this message, we’ll be back. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        with a smack-a-doodle-do, this whacks for you

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Your bottom’s turning black and blue.

      • Hyperion said,

        Tuesday’s gone with the wind but Friday is here again, it’s true. Time to smack that bottom again until it’s a fine red tomato goo.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        This paddle sticks to you like glue.

      • Hyperion said,

        Now you know what Sherrielock’s got in store for you.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        She hates rap songs so I say, We’re through.

      • Hyperion said,

        But if Santa Cerife is your thang, tomato buns will make you sang

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


      • Hyperion said,

        We should publish this impromptu poetic prose of the Madame Sherrielock Holmes and her not so secret talents.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, we should. πŸ™‚

        Could you cut and paste these comments and insert them into a post on your blog?

        You can tell your readers to not only read the Blogoteer posts but also read the comments and see for themselves the witty exchanges between you and I and Sherrie. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        I’ll do my best πŸ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: