Pan Goatee To The Rescue

February 3, 2016 at 8:22 pm (Fantasy, Film, Short Story, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee To The Rescue

It was a depressing day.

Not only was it raining in Vancouver but there seemed to be quite a number of ugly physically unattractive women walking the streets today only adding to one’s sense of melancholy.

“Oh if only Pan Goatee were real,” the depressed writer remarked to himself as his efforts to recover from a nasty bout of the flu seemed to be going down the drain along with the contents of his stomach at seeing such abominations of desolation scarring the visual landscape.

“Pan Goatee to the rescue,” his creation the genetically created satyr half-man half-goat serial killer suddenly appeared in person and heroically raising his astral laser beam machete proceeded to cut off the heads of the offending facially aesthetically challenged creatures.

Woody Allen suddenly appeared on the street corner looking the exact same way he did when he had just met Marshall McLuhan in the lobby of the movie theatre in the film Annie Hall.

Woody Allen looked at the camera and said, “Don’t you wish this happened in real life?”.

-A short story written by Christopher
Wednesday February 3rd 2016.


  1. Sabiscuit said,

    Woody Allen didn’t get killed off because he’s a guy. The way of the world, sadly, that only women are crucified for not matching a certain aesthetic, while men are praised for being “talented visionaries.” Ugh!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Woody Allen never got killed off in Annie Hall but he did get into a few arguments- one with Annie over her dating a right-wing rock and roll musician who read National Review Magazine, one with a guy over the way he said the name Wagner, another with a guy over the pronunciation of the name Vincent Van Gogh and another with a person in a movie line-up over the proper interpretation of the theories of Canadian philosopher Marshall McLuhan.

      • Sabiscuit said,

        That is true, but for Woody, getting into fights is fun and stimulating, like waking up in a bathtup with a Victoria’s Secret Angel. xo

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s very true. LOL ! 😀

  2. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    Again, very Boris Vian. Are you sure you haven’t read him??

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      No, I’ve never read any Boris Vian. 🙂

      Just like there’s some Irish writer whom both Sherrie and Ana think my writing reminds them of but I’ve never read him either.

  3. Hyperion said,

    Pan better watch his backside. I have a feeling Sherrielock is going to tomato that booty.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Pan of course can astral project himself away.

      *sound of people rushing to sign up for AMORC Rosicrucian lessons in astral projection when they hear Sherrielock is in the neighbourhood*

      • Hyperion said,

        Hahahhaahhaaaahaaahahahahaha! She could spend a lot of time chasing that slippery Pan Goatee.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        While whacking many a pair of innocent buns along the way. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Whackety-Whack, smack, Smack. Sherrielock is back.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And there the Sherrielock Rap Song begins… 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Can’t wait for the release 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  4. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    The Return of Pan Goatee. Awakened by the exploded lobster tank and the siren sang the awful song on the awakening of an unknown goddess wears black leather and holding a deadly whip! LOL

    Missing Pan Goatee! And hey! I miss the butter milk too. Where can I order those? LOL

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