Quetzalcoatl: These Hearts Won’t Go On and On

February 12, 2016 at 8:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Quetzalcoatl: These Hearts Won’t Go On And On

The Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl was feeling famished.

He was on his goddaughter the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec’s ranch in Mexico having just flown in from Havana, Cuba where he had been eavesdropping on the conversation between Pope Francis and Russian Orthodox Church Moscow Patriarch Kirill at Jose Marti International Airport.

Quetzalcoatl was now in the barn eating a bunch of fresh human hearts to regain his strength.

The ranch hands had captured a tourist bus and brought the tourists to Quetzalcoatl to rip open their chests and eat their hearts.

The tourist bus capture and the vanished passengers could easily be blamed as an abduction on narco-fighter gang members of the Mexican drug cartels (making the drug thugs good for something in Quetzalcoatl’s opinion).

“You deserve a break today at McDonald’s,” Quetzalcoatl sang cheerfully as he ripped out the heart of a Scottish tourist.

There was a sudden tapping as of someone rapping, gently rapping at the barnyard door.

” ‘Tis some visitor,” Quetzalcoatl muttered, “tapping at the barnyard door- only this and nothing more.”

Quetzalcoatl opened the door and standing there was a pair of young men dressed in white shirts with black ties and black dress pants.

“My friend,” one of the young men spoke up as he held in his hands a copy of the Book of Mormon, “have you heard about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and read Another Testament of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon?”.

Quetzalcoatl stood there at the barn door and said nothing.

As the two young Mormon missionaries stood there and noticed fresh blood dripping down the chin of Quetzalcoatl’s gargantuan grotesque serpentine bird like face and then noticed all the bodies and ripped out hearts on the barn floor behind him, both young men simultaneously made the Sherlockian deduction that now was probably not the best time to share the good news about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and Another Testament of Jesus Christ- the Book of Mormon.

The Mormon missionaries leapt on to their respective bicycles and vigourously pedaled off the ranch in the direction of Mexico City.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 12th
2016.

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32 Comments

  1. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! *snort*!!! This got a snort-laugh outa’ me! ๐Ÿ˜›
    Great title!
    And that’s one way to get the missionaries to leave! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€
    HUGS!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, having Quetzalcoatl around the house is one surefire way of keeping Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses and door-to-door salesmen away from the door. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Hyperion said,

    I always enjoy reading about epiphanies of pure genius. I think those Jehova witnesses proved they were savvy individuals. Otherwise, they might have become lunch or a snack and then where would Jehova’s witnesses be? Why, on the barn floor no doubt, their witnessing program suddenly at an end. Sometimes you just gotta pedal yourself out of hell.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Of course these two were Mormons rather than those who try to stay Awake! while reading The Watchtower.

      In a story I had written about Quetzalcoatl dancing in a Dios de Los Muertos parade in Mexico City, I also had Mormon missionaries appearing in that one.

      I add that touch because in Mormon Church pamphlets I had read in the 1980s, they claimed that Quetzalcoatl and Christ were one and the same person.

      That Quetzalcoatl was the name Christ used when he made appearances in North America.

      Later when the rest of the continent’s population started to know what archaeologists already knew- that Quetzalcoatl was a fearsome bloodthirsty deity to whom human sacrifices were performed and for whom human hearts were ripped out- quite a contrast from the Christ of the New Testament- the Mormon Church stopped making that claim.

      Just like back in 1890 when the U.S. government threatened to send the Army into Utah unless Mormons ended polygamous practices, the Supreme Prophet and Revelator of the Church at the time suddenly got a message from God to end the practice of polygamy.

      It was funny how the god of Mormonism seemed to be afraid of the U.S. government.

      Of course the Supreme Prophet and Revelator will probably get a divine retraction at some point in the future when the Supreme Court rules in favour of polygamous marriage a few years down the road.

      To be followed by new announcements when the Supreme Court rules in favour of marriage between humans and animals a few years after that.

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh Lawd! let us hope we come to our senses before all that transpires. Not sure how I got it all mixed up but you do make a good point about the convenience of divine intervention at just the right moment. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Speaking of divine intervention, it would be quite something if Hanuman the monkey god of Hinduism appeared on stage at tonight’s Republican Presidential Debate in South Carolina and swiped Donald Trump’s toupee returning it to his red spider monkey brethren.

      • Hyperion said,

        BeeWaaaaahhhhhh haaa haaaa haa! That would be on CNN headline news 24/7 for the next 60 days.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That constant coverage would probably end up driving everyone bananas.

        Even Hanuman would probably switch to another fruit in his diet after that constant bombardment.

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! I have a visual that won’t go away! That is freakin’ hilarious ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It would definitely be a scene that television viewers will never forget.

        To say nothing of Donald Trump.

        Hillary might wear bananas in her hair the next debate in order to win herself some much needed national attention.

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL!!! I can just see the Hildebeast tempting the poor monkey with a banana pinched between her cheeks and a little hip action to the beat of Sherrielock behind the stage making an impression on Bernie’s wrinkly tomato red bottom.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Now there’s an image people can use as a weight loss program visualization technique to help suppress their appetite. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, it’s true. The Hildebeast has caused my office to lose a total of 100 pounds due to loss of appetite while discussing the possibility of her, Bernie, or the Trumper-Dumper leading us to our doom. We know from past history that we will elect the one person that can screw the country the best. We like dystopian societies and zombie apocalypses for some insane reason. I guess it helps the mainstream and social media keep traffic patterns high.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I strongly suspect that’s true.

      • Hyperion said,

        I wrote the first chapter of Act 5 Return of the Dragons. It’s about Gloria and a mission to Kazkhstan. It starts with a night cruise through the Bosporus strait into the Black Sea and on to a wooded coastline north of Poti in Georgia. This will be a different flavor of Dragon tale; mostly action and adventure with Gloria being the protagonist. It comes out Wednesday after copious amounts of editing. Hope you like it.

  3. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    That sounds wonderful, Daniel. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Looking forward to reading it. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    LOL With their bicycles???? Not so gentleman like. Not so … they have no sense of style in a crime story. hahahaha …

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      They need Sherrielock Holmes to whip their butts into shape. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        There are a Mormon centre near our place here, situated at the edge of the wood up the hills closer to the graveyard where my daughter was burried …

        The house looks modern and big, and it has a giant swimming pool in the mid of the property itself. I know that house as it was the second house we went too, when my husband and I were looking for a new home.

        Now, Mormons are making it their nest. They all dressed up like those Men In Black and once my son joked on it that if we can perhaps find Will Smith inside! LOL

        But I never saw their bicycle! Most of the time they walk about the place and always trying to persuade me to join them. One time I saw them coming, two young men in suit and I knew it that there are Mormons.

        I pulled out the goat head mask of which was one of the Halloween decorations and hang this over the front of the wreath I hung on our front door.

        I waited and watched them coming from the window. And I heard them … “Hey, Arnold … now I know why we never can persuade this woman to join us. Look at the goat’s head. That is creepy!”

        Then Arnold replied, “Let us go! I think she must be a witch.”

        “Or worse! A Jehovah’s witness!”

        I was like WHAT??? Jehovah witness is worse than a witch??? What the heck??? I got to laugh so hard that my kids thought Mommie went mad. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        A Jehovah’s Witness is worse than a witch as far Mormons are concerned. ๐Ÿ˜€

        And your son is right about the Mormons being like the Men In Black.

        Mormons believe that God the Father whom they call Elohim is an extraterrestrial from a planet in a star system called Kolob.

        And both Jesus Christ and Lucifer are his ET sons from two different ET mothers – hence Christ and Lucifer are half-brothers according to Mormon theology.

        Mormon missionaries in Canada are often seen out riding their bicycles in summer in Canada.

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        Hopefully they are harmless … but they never giving up looking for new lamb for their flock. Even Jehovah Witness are nearby too, and they seems not to get along quite well. But one can sees tensions between them when they are together in one place. But the least one can never really guess who are the Jehovah witness are because they dress up using usual clothes. Mormons are the easiest to detect and target.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Mormons are easy to detect with their crew cut hair, white shirts, black ties and black dress pants.

        Here in Canada, it’s mainly women who proselytize for the JWs while young men go door to door for the Mormons.

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        JW always using the women to do their work. That is true. There is a mother of two girls at my girl’s class who is a JW. She always carrying JW magazines and stuck up those at my mailbox all the time when passing by. Oh that annoys me because I have more un-needed trash at home. ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You should greet her at the door wearing a goat’s head Halloween mask and holding a giant knife and fork and say that you’d really love to have her for dinner. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        hahahaha … I’m not sure if that will scares the women messenger. You do know that, in their belief that they do uses the image of the head of the Bahphomet everywhere, right? It is really freaking scary that they using devil’s stuffs at their own church! Ugh!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Jehovah’s Witnesses use the head of the Baphomet in their Kingdom Hall services? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

        I did not know that.

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        Oh yes, they do.
        Just do some research for yourself.
        Google it.
        You’ll be very surprise what you found there … :/

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Proof positive that a lot of the cults out there… Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons… are themselves satanic.

        I understand inverted pentagrams are to be found inside Mormon temples.

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        I found Baphomet heads in JW magazines of which they also stuck inside my mailbox. I really hate that! I’ve piles of those and then my son said once …, “Mommie! Give me those for wiping my ass! I got no more toilet papers!” I was like !!!!! LOL hahahaha …

        “Just kidding, Mom! But I do need toilet papers here.”

        hahahaha … I got crazy kids, really. So adorably hillarious.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I can’t think of a better use for the pages of JW magazines than to serve as toilet paper. ๐Ÿ˜€

        Your son has obviously inherited your sense of humour. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

        Yes, he is. He is really very funny kid. Always tend to make me laugh all the time. Well, actually, all of my kids are funny. They have their unique sense of humour and sometimes it is so funny that my tears ran out of my eyes. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL ! ๐Ÿ˜€

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