Renfield Views U.S. Election Campaign

February 17, 2016 at 9:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Views U.S. Election Campaign

Renfield R. Renfield was examining the results of a public opinion poll on the race for the U.S. Presidency.

“I see you’re at 0.0% in the polls,” Amadeus was like Samson with a post-Delilah haircut addressing the victim of an over zealous circumcising rabbi- he was fond of pointing out his friend’s short comings.

“So I see,” Renfield blew out his Bourbon through his nose on to the computer screen.

Athelstan the valet arrived in the nick of time with Sherrielock’s Bavarian Magic Mushroom Cleaner Stain Remover to wipe the computer screen.

“Are you disappointed?” Amadeus started filing his fingernails with a nail file- a habit he picked up from watching Dr. Niles Crane a character on the American TV sitcom Frasier.

“Not at all,” Renfield replied, “Climb every mountain, follow every stream until you find your dream…”

Renfield was doing his best impersonation of Kevin Philipps Bong the Slightly Silly Party candidate from the famous Monty Python sketch.

Amadeus turned on the TV where they watched Anderson Cooper on CNN via satellite doing his in-depth analysis of the White House race so far.

“Some people have said that this particular Presidential race really can’t be parodied,” Anderson explained, “because it has become a parody in and unto itself.”

Anderson then looked directly into the camera, “But is that really a fair assumption?”.

Images from a Marco Rubio campaign ad saying “It’s morning again in America” showing the sun rising on the City of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada to images of Hillary Clinton barking and yelping and howling like a dog while campaigning on stage at a rally in Nevada.

This was followed by images of Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio barking, yelping and howling like dogs on their respective campaign trails.

Never had the Pensacola Revival and the Toronto Blessing of North American Charismatic Pentecostal Christianity ever made such a major impact on the American political scene.

“The question of course is what will happen next in this Presidential campaign already unique in American history?” Anderson Cooper asked his viewers .

Images appear of Hillary Rodham Clinton on the campaign trail in South Carolina.

She’s on all fours and is standing dog like by a fire hydrant on a street corner in Charleston, South Carolina.

She is barking and howling at the moon.

Donald Trump comes running down the sidewalk on all fours with tongue hanging out and panting and howling at the moon.

Since Hillary is in the way of the fire hydrant, Donald lifts his lower right leg and takes a piss all over her.

Vladimir Putin and his aide are likewise watching this spectacle on the television in the Russian President’s Kremlin office.

“Well,” his aide pointed out, “your most exalted future Byzantine Emperor and Russian Czarist Majesty, there’s probably never been a more opportune moment in history to invade and conquer America than now.”

“What you say is true,” Putin poured himself some more tea from the samovar on his desk, “but after seeing this, the question is… is this really a land and a people worth conquering?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 17th


  1. anaatcalin said,

    It’s incredible how you bring out the comedy in nowadays’ rather tragic political scene. You writing is, as always, brilliant and relevant, and your afore mentioned skill worthy of a deep bow πŸ™‚

  2. Kelly Stillwagon said,

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! πŸ˜€ and Aw. 😦 A very valid question!
    Thanks for the laughs, Christopher! We’ve got to approach all of life with a sense of humor! πŸ™‚
    Sadly, for the first time in my life, I’m greatly concerned about the future of the US. More for my kids and their kids, than for myself.
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, when one takes a look at America’s supposed leaders and the way they act, one can’t help but fear for the future of America.

  4. ѕнєяяιє βˆ‚Ρ” ναℓєяια said,

    And so my Magic Mushroom cleaner is the best! And the next, I will do Magic Mushroom bags too. It will crash the marker for sure. A mushroom bag! Not even Gucci can beat that! LOL

    Alright … that is quite creepy to think a hairy monkey spider toupee Trumply boy turned into a werewolf??? I think he will be freaking scary than the Wolfman himself. For sure! πŸ˜€

  5. Hyperion said,

    Like the last emperors and senate of Rome, our collective of Caligula wanna be’s dance and make merriment at the images in their mirror while they spend the people’s money to bring in hordes of the people’s enemies. No debauchery is left undiscovered and untried. But, from the first recorded history, we learn that no empire survives the test of time and it is our time to follow the sun over the horizon.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, and a red spider monkey will go riding a bare scalp off into the sunset. πŸ™‚

      • Hyperion said,

        What an image that portrays. LOL!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And is unable to get over the border to Mexico when he hits his head against a brick wall.

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! The wall that he built, no doubt.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. πŸ˜€

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