Donald Trump: Making One’s Hair Stand On End

March 14, 2016 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump: Making One’s Hair Stand On End

Gypsy fortune teller Dulcinea Lucia had had a strange dream overnight.

In the dream, she dreamed that she was in a radio station broadcast studio where U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump was making a guest appearance on the Coast-To-Coast AM radio show with George Noory.

The interview in the dream went like this:

George Noory: Now you have said on previous occasions that you considered running for President in 2012 against Barack Obama? The question I have for you is, why didn’t you do so?

Donald Trump: Well, George, I had seriously considered doing that. In fact I had decided to go ahead and do that. But then one night after a night of passionate love making with my current wife… who is… who is… who is…

George Noory (helping out) : Melania?

Donald Trump: Yes… Melania… thank you, George… yes after a night of wild passionate love making with… Melania… I was examining my hair in the mirror and then my hair started speaking to me in an audible voice…

George Noory: Wait a minute… let’s get this straight… you say, your hair started speaking to you in an audible voice?

Donald Trump: Yes, my hair started speaking to me in an audible voice… something which I found even more incredible than Oral Roberts seeing a 900-ft. Jesus after eating some wild mushrooms… I often wondered where he found a yardstick or a measuring tape long enough to measure him… but anyways, yes… my hair spoke to me in an audible voice.

George Noory: And what did your hair say to you?

Donald Trump: It told me not to run in 2012. It kept saying, “Wait until 2016. Wait until 2016.”

George Noory: Why 2016?

Donald Trump (unwrapping a fortune cookie and eating it on the air) : Because 2016 is the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese zodiac.

George Noory: Well so far this has been quite a hair raising interview with Donald Trump… we’ll be right back after this commercial message…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 14th



  1. Hyperion said,

    I love the subtle reference to The Donald’s red spider monkey hair. I can’t wait to see the caricatures coming out of Russia prior to the first meeting when Putin calls the Donald on the carpet to tell him how the new world order will go.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, they’ll be great- those caricactures of The Donald.

      In their first tete a tete meeting.

      And the hair on one tete will be about as fun as a barrel of monkeys. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        I can’t wait for the Russian news video on YouTube.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        But it won’t be as impressive as this video… Akira Lane in the shower.

      • Hyperion said,

        I am impressed. I think i may have accidentally pressed the follow button. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I always seem to accidentally press the Follow button when I come across videos like that as well. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        It must be an ingrained automatic response. Thankfully, no overthinking required.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Oops.. I didn’t know the still image of the video was going to appear when I posted that.

        Now I’m going to have to make this blog post not suitable for family viewing and not suitable for viewing at work. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        I just do it for you right here. Warning Do not attempt to view this video with hot coffee in the lap as genital burns and unmanly screaming while clutching a smoldering crotch can be disturbing to some viewers. NSFW

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ROTFLMFAO x Infinity!!!

      • Hyperion said,

        I missed my calling. I should be the warning sign guy. 😆

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, your face could appear at the entrances of porn sites everywhere telling people that the site is not safe for work… unless you’re Renfield R. Renfield. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes. If Renfield is there he’s working. Hard. 😜

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        Yes, very hard. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Working that it is. 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        The sun never sets on Renfield’s Union Jack.

      • Hyperion said,

        There are endless tales of Renfield’s exploits waiting to be read. He is clearly a very busy genetically mutated hamster.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, as busy as a bee.

        Along with the bee’s fellow bees and the birds in the famous song thereof. 😀

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaaa haaaa haaaa! he’s such a great psychopath. Gotta love em.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Renfield R. Renfield is the world’s most popular psychopath recent polls show.

        Pan Goatee might have overtaken him but ugly women and feminists (who amount to the same thing in Rush Limbaugh’s opinion) seem to be unanimously opposed to Pan Goatee for some unfathomable reason. 😉

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Ha! I knew, for years, that wasn’t hair on his head and thought it to be a squirrel! But, now I know it’s a monkey! 😉 😀

    Kinda’ freaky that those Donald responses sound just like things he would say! 😮 😛

    Great chapter, Christopher! Thanks for the snort-laughs! 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    wah hahahaha … LOL
    That is freaking scary! His hair is ALIVE!!!
    Eeeewwww …

    I had to tell you a joke on living hair … It was quite an old joke and I’d forgotten who had made that joke. I remembered when George Bush was president at that time and at school one of our friend made really a dirty joke about it. It started with Saddam Hussein …

    “Saddam Husein just killed one of his wife!” A friend made a joke.

    I remembered I asked. “Eh, why? She slept with another terrorist?” I chuckled.

    “No! I tell you why. The night Saddam Hussein came to visit his wife and he got shock that her hair went alive and he shot her there!”

    “Excuse me? What? But why?”

    “Because of her Bush!”

    It took me awhile to understand what she was telling us. And then abruptly there were roar of laughter in the class and I cannot stop laughing. We were laughing terribly that tears ran down our faces. LOL

    Gosh … LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Because of her Bush! LOL !

      Saddam must have spent his time dating Playboy centerfolds with their shaved pussies (better tell Tiger to run away from that barber!). 😀

      Otherwise, he shouldn’t have acted so surprised when he saw a Bush. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        hhahaha … Oh gosh … talking about I remembered the girls were acting like … “Oh shit! The bush! The bush! It is ALIVE!!! Get this! Get this! Shoot! Shoot! You evil Bush!” hahahaha … LOL

        We didn’t realized at that time our teacher came in and she scolded us. But then the joke (plus the laughter) was so contagious that she started to laugh and keep on telling us. “That was not of good moral quality! Sit down and be quiet.” But she keep on giggling while trying to write something on the black board. LOL

        hahaha … Oh gosh …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sounds like your school classroom was a lot of fun.

        At least on this one occasion. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Most of our teacher were the best. Only a few were the odds and evil one. 😛
        Our Economy teacher is the coldest one.
        It seems as if she has no heart for anyone at all …she never shows emotion – reminded me much of our today’s Professor Snape.
        But I really love our former school director Mr Wang, who admire his glasses all the time and teasing other students who wears specticles are smart kids! LOL He has a heart of gold and kids love to be around him. I was very close to him because I was the school prefect and we greeted him every time he is around. He always take a time to speak to any one of us if we are okay, how are the family and how is the school, etc. But he left the school too early …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Mr. Wang sounds like the sort of man most schools would love to have as a school director. 🙂

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        He is a rare specimen of good hearted people. ʘ‿ʘ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        We need more people like Mr. Wang in the world today.

  4. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    Uhah! Wow!
    Who is the naked lady there???
    hehehehe … 😛

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That’s Akira Lane.

      An adult movie actress who started following my blog at Xanga back in 2009.

      I remember when I told my dad that an adult film star was following my vampire novel, he said, “Well, I won’t be mentioning that to any of my friends.” 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        LOL Did she send you that naked pic???
        Wow … very dangerous lady!
        In the shower! You might slip down while watching!
        Or worse! Spitting coffee everywhere while staring! Your eyes get burn from it! LOL hahahaha …

        Like what my colleague used to tell the make co-workers …”Becareful! Watch the pants. You won’t want to spill the hot liquid on your Billy Joe!” LOL hahahaha .. while holding your coffee and eyes elsewhere! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Daniel found that out the HARD way! 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        LOL wah hahahaha … DANIEL!!! wah hahaha … But he didn’t slip down anywhere, right? Are you alright, Daniel? Still in piece, my dear friend?
        And are your PC still okay? Safe from coffee spit! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Daniel really needed to take a cold shower after that one. 😛

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Daniel should do the ice bucket. It works, really! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Here’s Donald Trump doing the Ice Bucket Challenge:

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        wah hahahaha … OMG! His hair! LOL wah hahaha … I think those girls were fired later after that for messing with his hair.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think they were.

        You can mess with the Donald’s wives.

        You can mess with their Gucci bags.

        But you can’t mess with the Donald’s hair. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        wah hahaha …
        On the front page of every newspaper in the world (One day …)
        Trump gave a good shot at his assistant’s head with his new iPhone 6 after the assistant accidentally threw his seven level of tuna sandwich on Trump’s golden hair. Now, the assistant got fired with his head completely shaven by the mad man Trump, yelling maniacally at the guy while running down the office hall.

        LOL Toupee scandal.

        When the actual fact is, we know that the one who loves to throw handphone at their co-workers is the beastly woman Naomi Campbell.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As President Trump was shaving his assistant’s head, a hamster entered the Oval Office and proceeded to eat all portions of the seven level tuna fish sandwich even down to the last crumb.

        The hamster then shapeshifted into a man.

        “I just love tuna fish sandwiches,” the human later identified as Renfield R. Renfield told a shocked news anchorwoman Megyn Kelly who was tied to a chair in the Oval Office, “and it was my co-worker and friend Amadeus Emanon who taught me how to eat everything down to the last crumb.”

        As a shocked Fox News cameraman proceeded to follow Renfield into the White House Rose Garden (neglecting to untie the bound and gagged mini skirted Megyn Kelly), Renfield ran into an evening dress wearing Naomi Campbell.

        Renfield held her iPhone 6 hostage and wouldn’t give it back until Naomi Campbell performed oral massage on a certain part of Renfield’s anatomy re-enacting moments of the Bill Clinton Presidency with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        wah hahaha …
        Naomi is quite a beastly woman. Only powerful men can hold her down. She called her ex-lovers ‘pussies’ – all of them. Not manly enough. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Renfield is man enough to get her on to her knees. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Naomi love strong beastly man who can put her down. And also rich! She is a gold-digger. To think of all the blood trial she went through a few years back.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, a gold digger with a heart of coal given her by Krampus.

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