Cthulhu At The Vatican: A Poem

April 7, 2016 at 9:20 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Cthulhu At The Vatican: A Poem

One fine night on the Tiber
a man drank sweet apple cider
when suddenly from the river’s depth
rose a monster causing him to say “What the heck!”
The creature had an octopus head
causing the man to drop his bread
It had webbed human looking arms and legs
Said the man, “I better get to Meg’s!”
An Italian bistro just down the street
The creature had snake like bunions on its feet
It stood hundreds of meters tall
and soon approached the Vatican wall
as Pope Francis lectured Trump on lack of charity
in the midst of much Curial hilarity
The creature had huge dragon like wings on its back
and gave some Vatican Swiss Guards the permanent sack
although it had no authority to do so
but what the heck, it made a fine YouTube show
as the post went viral with epic flow

The creature went into the finely wrapped box marked Pope Francis’ God of Surprises
and threw out the flowers there- Mother Earth’s irises
It then sat in the box
quiet like a hunted fox
waiting for its unveiling
causing Cardinals to hit the railing
when bursting forth like a jack in the box
it would resemble Baphomet’s unwashed socks
The final document of the Synod on The Family
would add to that dreaded abode of the damned-ly.

-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday Evening
April 7th 2016.



  1. anaatcalin said,

    Another smbol- and meaningful poem, dear Chris 🙂 I keep to my views that your works should one day be studied in school, when these troublesome times calm down a bit and people can look back on the big picture.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That would be wonderful, Ana, if my writings were studied in school since I always thought I should have been a school teacher or a University professor.

  2. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    Pretty evocative imagery there!

  3. sarejessian said,

    Enjoyable reading your writing

  4. Hyperion said,

    Very descriptive writing. Another vision like John’s when he had the Revelation.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Daniel. 🙂

      • Hyperion said,

        You are our resident Blogoteer Oracle of Vancouver 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        One who needs to put in a call to Pan Goatee because with the coming of spring and the end of the rainy season, four legged and what’s worse two legged dogs are now out roaming the streets of Vancouver .

      • sarejessian said,

        Our pal Chris, you must not miss.
        Our Muse and at the helm of the good ship Bligoteer Oracle of Vancouver.
        Sorry could not help myself.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s all right, Tim.

        I enjoyed your poetry. 🙂

  5. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    And I would not want to know how smelly might be the sock of Baphomet.
    Didn’t know he has socks???
    Eeewww … with holes in it, perhaps.
    And with hairy spider glued under it and it is still ALIVE.
    Moving its hairy legs whilst Baphomet need not to walk, nor move. LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL !

      No, I imagine Baphomet’s socks would be pretty smelly indeed. 😮

      Do you suffer from foot odour?

      Then you don’t want to be mistaken for Baphomet.

      Unless you want your statue worshipped by Satanists in Tulsa, Oklahoma or Cleveland, Ohio.

      So use Dr. Scholl’s Foot Spray to get rid of those unwanted odours.

      And maybe a can of Raid House and Garden Bug Killer to get rid of those hairy spiders growing through the holes of your unwashed socks.

      And don’t be alarmed by Donald Trump rushing through the door picking up those dead hairy spiders and saying “You killed my Toupee!”.

      Accidents will happen.

      With Spray and Wash, you’re laughing.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        wah hahahaha … LOL
        All our notes written here can be made into a nightmare fairy tale EVER! I guess, the whole world would feel that the song on the ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ will never be same ever again! LOL

        Oh no. Thank goodness that I have no foot odour problem at all. But my kids are! Eeeewww … everytime I have to tell them “Wash your feet! And change your socks! And throw those socks you used in the washing machine. Straight away!” Terrible, really! 😛

        But there were no spider in the socks or under it! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

        Yes after reading your nightmare tale about the hairy spider in the holes of the Baphomet’s unwashed socks, I immediately jumped into writing my own TV commercial where someone uses Dr. Scholl’s Foot Spray for foot odour, Raid House and Garden Bug Killer Spray for killing hairy spiders in the holes of their socks and then using Spray and Wash stain remover for the spider blood stains on Donald Trump’s toupee.

        LOL !

        I wasn’t suggesting you have foot odour.

        LOL !

        But your kids do eh?

        Probably because kids don’t often change their socks which gives them foot odour.

        LOL ! @ the song of Itsy Bitsy Spider never being viewed the same way again. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        My kids always often changed their socks and it never do any good either. Even after they washed their feet, it still smells awful. Then every time I told them to go and wash themselves, they starts to whine because to wash themselves everyday is boring. They really do not like it. LOL Kids!

        Wow … this nightmare fairy tale is for sure has the longest cleaning instruction ever written. Even longer than the 10 commandments! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes like Pope Francis’ encyclical on the Environment Laudato Si where he goes into excruciating detail on how to separate garbage before putting it into the trash bin. LOL !

        Yes, cleaning instructions longer than the 10 Commandments. LOL !

        A nightmare indeed.

        Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Laundrytime. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        wah hahaha … Oh yeah … my kind of nightmare that one. Laundrytime is a torture time for me – all day – everyday! 😛
        Imagine all those smelly clothes … Eeewww … I wonder how can Oscar stands it to live among his rubbish in his garbage bin in Sesame Street! What a good example for the kids, huh? LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Oscar definitely won’t win an Oscar for that performance.

        LOL !

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