Renfield’s Proposal For Ending Public Washroom Discrimination

April 19, 2016 at 7:47 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield’s Proposal For Ending Public Washroom Discrimination

Amadeus Emanon was watching CNN where Anderson Cooper was interviewing Renfield R. Renfield about his campaign for the U.S. Presidency.

Anderson: And we’re here with Mr. Renfield R. Renfield… British born… or I should say… British genetically created… candidate for the U.S. Presidency… who’s willing to accept the nomination of either party… or both parties… to become President… who currently stands at 0.0% in the polls… has 0.0% of the delegates in either Party… but still believes he stands an excellent chance of becoming America’s next President… we’ll be back right after these messages.

Amadeus went to the refrigerator to get himself some more milk and cookies.

He got back to the living room just as the last commercial was ending.

Voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger: Crap From Kim Kardashian’s Excessively Large Booty… download for free from the App Store.

Anderson Cooper: And we’re back. Now, Mr. Renfield, one of the emerging issues in this campaign is the fact that members of the LGBT community feel discriminated against by being forced to use public washrooms for the sex or gender that Nature cruelly assigned them at birth. Several states have passed legislation saying that people must go into public washrooms for the sex or gender that they were born with… Mr. Renfield, where do you stand on this important civil rights issue?

Renfield (grinning) : Well if I was elected President, one of my first acts would be to sign an Executive Order banning all public washrooms.
If there are no washrooms in public, no one would feel discriminated against.

(Anderson Cooper is silent for a whole minute)

Anderson (finally speaking) : I don’t recall any of the other candidates running for President… not even Donald Trump… coming up with such an idea.

Renfield (grinning even more): That’s because Donald Trump is a divider not a uniter. He divides people. I’m a uniter. I unite people. When I’m elected President, the American people will be united and as one in not being able to find a washroom in a public place. That way no one will feel discriminated against.

Meanwhile down at the Set Enterprises lab, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was freaking out in his aquarium over a vision he was having of a Renfield Presidency in America.

CNN News Bulletin From The Future: The streets of New York City were running red with blood today as millions of people were fighting a quite literal Game of Thrones battle to find a throne somewhere in the city to relieve themselves…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 19th
2016.

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22 Comments

  1. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    LOL hahahaha …
    Dear Chris! You simply nail it there!
    Brilliant, brilliant blog EVER! I really love this one.
    This is so Renfield of whom I love and admire – well, you created him.

    “I am a uniter. Not a divider.” Now, that is amazingly brilliant!
    And I love the last chapter of the world gone astray for more blood and power like the Game of Thrones trying to find washrooms in the city!

    Imagining that … to relieve yourself in the open???
    This reminded me when I was kid, that I asked both of my father and grandfather why they always go to the trees to relieve themselves.
    My father’s outburst was hilarious and my grandfather was in shock after I asked that question.
    “It’s just as question! And I am child. And I want to understand!”
    It took a while for my grandfather to consider the answer and he said, “You know, Sherry … Nature is one whole big natural toilet for humans and other creatures alike. That was before we ever think of to build a toilet. But then when we men relieve ourselves among the trees, we are contributing of something in return for the nature as well!”

    I blinked. “Contributing while you pee???”
    Grandpa : Eh, yea … why not??? We used cow’s poop for the plantation as it is used as fertilizer. It is the same with men relieve themselves among the trees!”

    Me : You men are weird!
    LOL

    And I was just eight or nine – I remembered that conversation very well.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you very much, Sherrie. 🙂

      Glad my character Renfield has come back as being pure Renfield with a vengeance.

      That’s wonderful for an author to hear that one of the characters he/she has created is able to impact people so much.

      LOL !

      Yes, Game of Thrones as people fight for washroom space out in the open. LOL!

      That’s an interesting conversation you had with your dad and grandpa and you saying “You men are weird!”.

      And at the early age of 8 or 9. LOL !

      A lot of females don’t figure that out until after they’ve gone through 3 or 4 divorces. Being married to men of course. LOL !

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        LOL hahaha … Yeah, I am an eccentric child, you know. Had a weird mind myself.

        And you know, after that conversation with my father and grandfather, every time when they go to the woods and the other cousins were asking where they are going, then I said, “They are going to contributing to the nature.”

        My cousins just stared and blinked at me. I got to laugh! LOL hahaha …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        They’re contributing to nature. LOL !

        Good one, Sherrie. 😀

        And your cousins wondered what you were talking about. LOL !

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yeah. I purposely make them confused. My mother would just shook my head and said, “Sherry … that is mean of you. Stop teasing your cousins!” LOL
        hahaha …
        Then I would reply, “Yeah … how I love just to do this to some people …” My mother would chuckled and smacked my shoulder as to tease me. She won’t stop shaking her head then. LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Hahahaha… And you’ve had an unusual sense of humour ever since. 😀

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        I am a weird child with a weird sense of humour … and my cousins does not get it! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I guess your cousins didn’t share your unusual sense of humour.

        Perhaps it was a trait you got from your ancestor the serpent woman of the river of local folklore. LOL !

        The one your cousins teased you about.

        LOL !

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Oh yeah … I am so out of this world.
        Eccentric creature! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Out of this world eh?

        Like ET. 😀

        LOL !

  2. Nicholas C. Rossis said,

    You can always trust Renfield to solve a Gordian knot!

  3. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! 😀 Perfect solution! And it gives people something very basic and VERY important to fight about! 😉
    Renfield for Prez! 😛
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL !

      I love the way you capitalized Very as in VERY important to fight about.

      LOL !

      No doubt, Cooper (your dog not Anderson) would look at all the fighting and wonder “What’s all the fuss about?” as he raises his leg against a fire hydrant.

      LOL !

      • doesitevenmatter3 said,

        My Cooper (although I wish Anderson was mine, too! 😉 😛 ), is very gentle and loving and calm…so he would wonder exactly what you said he would! 🙂
        Seems people today fight over stuff that is often trivial. Having a place to pee is VERY important! 😀

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        It is VERY important indeed.

        I wholeheartedly agree. 😀

  4. The sarejessian said,

    As President Gasius Clay would have cried out a crap my kindom for a crap.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      And Secretary of State MacBeth would say, “Is this a toilet I see before me,
      Come let me clutch thee…”

      And Vice-President Hamlet would say,

      “To pee or not to pee, that is the question
      whether tis nobler in the minds of men to drop one’s drawers in public and relieve oneself
      or to settle for a sea of troubles in one’s underwear…”

  5. Hyperion said,

    Bwaaa haaa haaaa! The liberal American majority would love the idea. They could reprogram their waste disposal funds to open free pot clinics for those people traumatised by the demand for job productivity.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, this is exactly the sort of idea that’s just plain idiotic enough to catch the imagination of so many of America’s “leaders” in politics, the media and academia.

      They will of course have their own private toilets while the masses will be left to fight their way to a good spot to relieve themselves.

      • Hyperion said,

        The only place that won’t suffer is Bourbon Street in New Orleans. The crowd will relieve themselves anywhere. Never wear pants with open pockets or some enterprising drunk will fill them for you. I’ve witnessed a few smart drunks wash down the tires of police cars parked at the curb. I also noted it was difficult to urinate while some cop tasers, pepper sprays, or clubs the tire washer. Simply ruins the aim.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bourbon Street will survive the chaos and the ghosts of the kings and queens of France will be pleased.

        Their throne will emerge triumphant in the game due to the street of their name not having enough thrones.

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