Renfield’s Speech To BAEEVB 5 Years Ago Today

May 6, 2016 at 7:44 pm (Crime, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Speech To BAEEBV 5 Years Ago Today

“Do you recall what you did on this day 5 years ago today?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

“No,” Renfield suddenly looked nervous.

He wondered what incriminating photo or video Amadeus might have had on him of what he did 5 years ago today.

“It was 5 years ago today that you gave a speech to the British Association of Employees Employed By Vampires better known as BAEEBV,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Oh that,” Renfield grinned.

Yes, that was back on May 6th 2011.

Renfield recalled getting a standing ovation for that speech.

As well as a blow job from a rising young pop music starlet afterwards.

Renfield sat there with a huge smile on his face.

“I have a video of your best moment that day,” Amadeus showed him a video on his laptop’s YouTube page.

“You do?” Renfield turned as pale as the silvery moon on a South Seas night.

Had Amadeus filmed his encounter with the rising young pop music starlet?

The video started playing.

It was of the best line that Renfield had delivered that evening- a paraphrase of a line from Lewis Carroll’s poem The Walrus and The Carpenter in his book Through The Looking Glass.

“The time has come,” Renfield said, “to talk of many things- of psychic lobsters and werewolves and lycanthropic MPs, of how Dracul Van Helsing manages to get vampiresses down on their knees.”

“You know,” Amadeus spoke up, “I understand the reference to psychic lobsters- that’s Michelangelo. And the reference to werewolves and lycanthropic MPs- that’s to Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley. But what did you mean by Dracul Van Helsing managing to get vampiresses to their knees?”.

“Well,” Renfield’s face turned red with jealousy, “Dracul Van Helsing seems to have the ability to get beautiful vampiresses to make out with him. I’ve never been able to get a beautiful vampiress to make out with me.”

“You haven’t been too successful with many beautiful mortal women either,” Amadeus bit into his peanut butter and avocado sandwich.

“Harrumph,” Renfield pouted.

Still that rising young pop music starlet had performed a huge favour on him the night of his standing ovation speech.

Then again, that gun he held to her head, the resulting action may not have been a result of her free will affection for him.

Still she had done the deed.

Which was more than could be said for the 99 other rising young pop music starlets whose brains (or lack thereof!) he had been forced to blow to kingdom come when they refused to blow on his sword.

Their deaths were still listed as unsolved in Interpol files.

And the poor Illuminati were taking the heat for his dastardly deeds in most on-line conspiracy theorist videos.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 6th
2016.

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10 Comments

  1. Tribo, OCarm said,

    Hahaha nice…. 😊

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Thanks, Ritche. πŸ™‚

    Glad you enjoyed the latest shenaningans of everybody’s favourite genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human master spy, intelligence gatherer and espionage practitioner Renfield R. Renfield. πŸ˜€

  3. Hyperion said,

    OMG! All this time I thought it WAS the Illuminati. Poor Renfield. Such desperate tactics rarely lead to a long term relationship. Twenty minutes is usually long enough. He should approach young ladies with more time on their schedule.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      After Prince died, I went to YouTube 24 hours later to see if there were any videos put up yet claiming the Illuminati was responsible for Prince’s death.

      Sure enough there were a whole bunch.

      • Hyperion said,

        That’s amazing. Those Illuminati are truly busy people.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I guess that expression “No rest for the wicked” has a literal meaning as well as a metaphorical meaning.

      • Hyperion said,

        In the case of the overworked Illuminati with their ever increasing backlog of dirty deeds that need to be done, rest is a luxury they can’t afford. πŸ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, I suppose not. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        πŸ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        πŸ˜€

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