Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

May 11, 2016 at 5:39 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in a London tea shop with the New Orleans songstress and stage actress vampiress Angelique Dumont.

“I hear this stage magician Salaman the Magician puts on a wonderful show,” Angelique said reading a review in one of the London entertainment weeklies.

“He does,” Amadeus nodded, “I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I’m still totally mystified as to how he does his tricks. Like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Even better than Houdini, David Copperfield and Criss Angel in my opinion.”

“You saw Salaman the Magician?” Angelique raised an eyebrow, “By yourself?”.

“No, I was with Dulcinea Lucia,” Amadeus replied.

“The gypsy fortune teller?” Angelique raised her other eyebrow.

“That’s right,” Amadeus nodded again.

“You went on a date with Dulcinea Lucia?” Angelique glared at Amadeus.

“That is correct,” Amadeus put some honey in his tea.

“But I thought you and I were an item,” Angelique’s face flushed as red as her rouge red lipstick and her dinner the night before.

“I didn’t know we were an item,” Amadeus Emanon looked as surprised as a child’s face on Christmas morning.

“You didn’t know we were an item?” Angelique grabbed a piece of cheesecake off a passing waiter’s tray and shoved it in Amadeus’ face.

“Speaking of items, I didn’t know cheesecake was on the menu,” Amadeus wiped the cheesecake off his face.

. . .

In another corner of the tea shop, Renfield R. Renfield had his eyes on a very attractive woman wearing a green evening dress.

Renfield had recently been advised by his co-worker and fellow employee at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher that he needed to be more subtle in his approach with women.

Not to come on so strong.

Renfield decided to try this new approach that he had never before attempted.

So he walked past the woman and sang in a loud operatic style baritone voice, “Birds do it, bees do it, even dogs and trees do it…”

Purses apparently do it as well.

Because Renfield found himself clobbered over the head with the woman’s rather heavy purse and found himself lying on the floor with the woman in the green evening dress stepping over him and leaving the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 10th


  1. Nicholas C. Rossis said,


    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Renfield’s definition of subtlety is quite different from that of everyone else on Earth. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Hyperion said,

    Poor Renfield just can’t get a break with the ladies. Perhaps he should try wearing wife-beater t-shirts, speedo shorts and flip flops. At least when they go to beat him, he can flee comfortably. Kick off the flip-flops and beat feet. ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yep, Renfield seems to be the strike out king all right. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        It’s time for some serious tutelage. Perhaps some practice with one of those realistic Japanese life size dolls. They can’t run or use a weapon.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I hear they’re even working on realistic looking women robots in Japan.

        There’s still hope for Renfield yet.

      • Hyperion said,

        Yes, I’ve been following their progress because we are working on AI technologies and it would be nice to test it with a cute robot in a French maid outfit. Just imagine a weapon system that makes coffee, is pleasant to converse with and can shoot down a missile in terminal flight. It could make Dragon Sisters obsolete. It could be Renfield will have lots of company ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        A cute robot in a French maid outfit?

        Soldiers all over the world would be waving the white flag of surrender to her.

      • Hyperion said,

        You make a good point, Chris. Emissaries of good will and peace in French maid outfits lead armies from the battlefield to the boudoir. ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No wonder Donald Trump wants to be President.

        He probably has insider information on what DARPA has been up to.

        And he wants to go down in history as the “piece” President… I mean… “peace” President…

        Same with Renfield.

      • Hyperion said,

        Bwaaa haaa haaa! I think you are dead on with the ultimate secret truth of The Donald’s motivation. DARPA is a government organization and The Donald will put citizen tax dollars to work inventing things we truly need. Lifelike AI dolls that not only can wear a French maid outfit but any outfit The Donald thinks is appropriate to execute the whims of our very first Emperor in Chief.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And get DARPA working on what science for all its boastings (like Ray Kurzweil’s Transhumanist promises) still has failed to deliver- genuine looking human hair for bald people.

        For all their boasts about leaps in evolution and the coming Singularity, they still haven’t figured that out yet.

        It’s time for them to put their money where their follicles (or lack thereof) are.

      • Hyperion said,

        Oh, there is a reasonable explanation. Darpa does Basic Research which has a 30 year lead time to bring science to an actionable theory. Then it takes 20 years of engineering development in research and development to build useful prototypes to validate the theory and verify the functional requirements of engineering solutions before a technology based on the science can be brought to production which takes another ten years. So if what your read isn’t 60 years old then it’s too early to expect a tangible product or outcome. Remember, computers started with manual counting like an abacus as the origin. So we can say computing started in about 300 B.C. Electronic computing then kicked off in the 50’s, exploded in the 80’s and then began to slowly evolve until now. So, 2,316 years to get the internet and spreadsheets up to par is an example of Darpa’s timeline to produce something it talked about earlier. Be patient. We’ll have to let the immortal Sherrielock Holmes witness the outcomes of these young and under developed theories. Don’t you feel better now?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Not really, no. ๐Ÿ˜›

        LOL !

      • Hyperion said,

        LOL! Somehow, I’m not at ease either. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL !

  3. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    That is so Renfield! hahahaha …
    I think I rather step on him if he do the same to me.
    I’ll whip his ass for misbehave – in a restaurant! LOL

  4. ั•ะฝั”ััฮนั” โˆ‚ั” ฮฝฮฑโ„“ั”ัฮนฮฑ said,

    I am way a few chapters reading your vampiress, Chris!
    I had a good laugh in every chapter! LOL
    I love that part where Amadeus cried over the spilled milk in the jug!
    wah hahahaha …
    Ooopppsss! Spoiler!
    (โœฟโ— โ€ฟโ— )

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