Renfield Asks Donald Trump A Question

May 19, 2016 at 5:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Renfield Asks Donald Trump A Question

Renfield R. Renfield’s campaign for the U.S. Presidency was going nowhere.

He sat at 0.0% in the polls and had 0.0% of the delegates in either party- Republican or Democrat.

And to add insult to injury, still no one was telling him to drop out of the race like Hillary Clinton was telling Bernie Sanders or Donald Trump was telling Ted Cruz and John Kasich a month ago.

Renfield felt somewhat peeved.

He had recently found out however that he Renfield had actually been created in a genetics lab in Colorado Springs, Colorado (his creator Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had been trying to re-create Nikola Tesla’s experiments with ball lightning at the time) rather than a genetics lab in Britain.

That meant he Renfield was a natural born (or natural genetically created) American citizen and he no longer needed to tell everyone to ignore the U.S. Constitution while campaigning to be President (and that most American Presidents inevitably do once they enter office).

So Renfield decided he needed to do something radical to attract the attention of the U.S. media and public.

Then he thought of a question that he could ask Donald Trump- a question that no journalist had thought of asking Donald Trump before.

Renfield was positive that this question would catapult him into the national spotlight.

So he flew over to America to a Donald Trump campaign rally and posed as a journalist.

Trump surveyed the room for members of the press and pointed in Renfield’s direction.

“You sir,” he pointed at Renfield, “wearing the Porn Stars and Hookers For Renfield campaign button on your lapel, you have a question?”.

“I do, Mr. Trump,” Renfield grinned like the cat about to pounce on the canary, “when was the last time you had a hair cut?”.

Trump looked shell shocked.

“What?” Trump sputtered.

“That should be an easy question for most people with their own natural hair on their head to answer, Mr. Trump,” Renfield grinned again, “when was the last time you had a hair cut?”.

“Throw that bum out of here,” Donald Trump directed his handlers.

Trump’s handlers then pounced on the Set Enterprises Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering posing as a journalist.

“What are you trying to cover up and hide, Mr. Trump?” Renfield shouted, “When was the last time you had a hair cut?”.

“Throw that bum out of here!” Trump once again screamed.

“They’re going to make bumper stickers,” Renfield shouted, “bumper stickers that say RED SPIDER MONKEYS DIED FOR TRUMP’S FOLLICLE SINS.”

“Throw that bum out of here,” Trump raged with the fury of an Austrian painter addressing a rally in mid-1930s Nuremberg.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 19th


  1. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! Love this! Way to go, Renfield! πŸ˜› I’m for you, and I’m voting for you! πŸ˜‰
    Poor red spider monkeys! 😦 πŸ˜€
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚
    PS…I just had a thought, maybe Trump is hiding something(s) IN that cwazy hair! πŸ˜‰

  2. ѕнєяяιє βˆ‚Ρ” ναℓєяια said,

    LOL wah hahahaha …
    This is so the Renfield I love.
    But I will vote for him, for sure, and ask the same Trump the same question.

  3. Hyperion said,

    Bwaaa haaa haaaa! Renfield has the Donald by the short curly red spider monkey hair. This should be interesting. πŸ˜€

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      The Donald’s secret has come out.

      Like so much red spider monkey dandruff flakes. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        Unfortunately, it will probably drive up the number of followers and every hair challenged American will sport a faux red spider monkey toupee they bought at Wal-Mart on sale.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Be prepared for a massive onslaught of ugly men’s hairstyles.

        Now all that is needed is a revival of those 1970s men’s bell bottom pants and the fashion apocalypse will indeed be upon us. πŸ˜€

      • Hyperion said,

        I’ve had a vision of the fashion apocalypse. Young men raised on video games cyber bullying by day and strutting their faux red spider monkey hair adornments with wide flared bell bottom jeans by night at strip malls all across America in search of Betty Lou Bigbottom who makes no apology for super sizing her big bottom to show Kim Kardashian she doesn’t have a patent on orbtastic wiggly big buns of bubblicious bootie. The resulting procreation will threaten the Chinese population by relegating them to second place in bambino production. It’s a true apocalypse. πŸ˜€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That definitely sounds like a true apocalypse all right.

      • Hyperion said,

        There we were all worried about zombies and it was the red spider monkey hair scourge that did us in.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, life and history is full of irony like that. πŸ˜€

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