Belvedere Meets Vladimir Putin

August 31, 2016 at 3:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was lifting weights in his office in the Kremlin. Russian Prime Minister Dmitri Medvedev wasn’t.

“You’re out of shape there, Dmitri,” Putin commented as he lifted a huge dumbbell (of the weight lifting variety as opposed to a U.S. Presidential candidate), “You should swim in Siberian streams like I do, ride topless and bareback on horses like I do, wrestle with bears, paint tigers’ claws nails pink and make love to vampiresses like I do.”

“I should,” Dmitri agreed as he lay on the floor gazing up at the gold-gilded mirror on the office ceiling.

Dmitri could not get off the floor.

Putin rang a bell and a pair of sharply dressed warrioresses from Kazakhstan appeared in the office.

“Take Dmitri to the dining room and offer him a couple of tomatoed bun sandwiches to help him regain his strength,” Putin directed..

“No, not tomatoed bun sandwiches,” Dmitri screamed as he was dragged out of the office.

“Now, where was I?” Putin addressed Belvedere the ghost of the ghost white salamander who had been sent over here as a reporter by the Times of London to interview Putin.

“You said you were going to flex your muscles and you did just that,” Belvedere answered as he held a goose feather quill dipped in ink which served as a pen.

“Indeed, I did,” Putin ate a can of spinach, “NATO and the West will have to realize that they won’t have Vladimir Putin to kick around any more.”

The Russian President moved some figures of dogs around on his small Chinese checkers board.

“Is Donald Trump correct when he says you have all of Hillary Clinton’s emails?” Belvedere asked as he checked the text messages on his ghost of a Samsung Galaxy phone (which was foreseen in that boys’ book from the 1970s entitled Tom Swift and The Galaxy Ghosts).

“He is,” Putin replied as he visualized how the people of Russia would react if he as leader of the Russian motherland started wearing red spider monkey fur on the bald spot on his head.

“So why haven’t you released those emails yet?” Belvedere queried, “Or are you happy at the prospect of a Hillary Clinton Presidency?”.

Putin spat the samovar made tea out of his mouth at the suggestion. The tea hit the computer screen.

Putin rang a bell and a Kremlin valet appeared with a bottle of Bavarian Magic Mushroom Cleaning Stain Remover to wipe and clean the screen.

“The reason why I haven’t released those emails yet is because the American people have a short attention span,” Putin replied as he looked at an Andy Warhol autographed can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup from the 1960s.

“I don’t quite follow,” Belvedere batted his ghostly white salamander eyelashes at the Russian leader in a quizzical fashion.

Putin, after he had seen this,googled the question Do salamanders have eyelashes? on his smart phone.

As Putin read the lengthy article on the topic in Wikipedia that was written by one of Harvard’s top amphibianologists, he explained to Belvedere, “If If I release those emails now, the American people will have forgotten them come Election Day. They will be distracted by some other subject such as perhaps an NFL Tight End who says he’ll no longer masturbate when the tune to America The Beautiful is played. However if I I release those emails on the Friday before the Tuesday November Presidential Election, the outrage caused will ensure Hillary’s overwhelming defeat. And then Donald Trump will owe me a huge favour.”

Putin then sat down and played a series of chess matches against the ghost of the late Bobby Fischer- chess matches of which Russia’s Supreme Leader won every game.

Belvedere was impressed.

A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 30th
2016.

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Pan Goatee’s Nightmare

August 28, 2016 at 3:00 pm (Comedy, Culture, Humour, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pan Goatee’s Nightmare

Pan Goatee was having a nightmare. Everywhere he looked and everywhere he turned, there were ugly looking women. It would have been a nightmare equally shared by the most devoted professor of philosophy whose specialty was the study and promotion of aesthetics.

John Keats had once wrote that a thing of beauty was a joy forever. Well, there was no joy in Mudville (in this case, planet Earth). Good taste and grooming had struck out.

The genetically created satyr serial killer and contract assassin looked at his Breviary that he had taken from the body of a Roman Catholic priest beheaded by members of the so-called Islamic State.

He noticed that the Saint’s commemoration celebration on this day August 25th was the Commemoration of Saint Louis IX King of France and Crusader (April 25th 1215- August 25th 1270).

He was one Catholic Saint who was believed by many historians to have been personally gay (although he had 11 children by his wife Marguerite of Provence).

No doubt the Saint had had a prophetic vision of what the women of the world would look like on this date August 25th in the year 2016 and that was the final factor that so dramatically swung Saint Louis into the direction of being gay.

Pan Goatee called on the gods of Olympus for help.

Zeus, when he turned his eagle eye binoculars to the scene (the world on August 25th 2016), suffered a rare cardiac arrest for an immortal.

As Asclepius and Hermes performed C.P.R. on the supreme god of the Olympians, Hera directed that Freddy Krueger of Nightmare On Elm Street fame and Jason of Friday the 13th fame be sent as back up for the beleagured satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Zeus recovered after Asclepius used one of the supreme Olympian’s own thunderbolts on his Hippocrates brand defibrilllator machine.

“I’m becoming gay,” Zeus announced to a shocked Hera when he came to, “mortal women have become far too ugly for my liking. I’m going to have to wrestle my bi-sexual son Apollo in chasing after such handsome youths as Hyacinth.”

A homosexual Zeus would definitely throw the entire Cosmos off balance, Hera decided to herself, for such a horny and insatiable overly heterosexual sex addict such as Zeus to turn gay could be worse for the future existence of the universe than the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in the hands of a drunken otter who had drunk too much of Daniel’s Fine Tomatoed Buns Otter Brew Beer.

Desperate times require desperate measures, Hera decided.

Aphrodite was called upon to give Zeus the mother of all blow jobs.

As Aphrodite did so, Zeus’ sexual orientation was swung back a full 360 degrees as both Pythagoras and Sigmund Freud hastily took notes as they observed the spectacle.

Meanwhile on planet Earth on that Hellish date of August 25th 2016, Freddy Krueger had gouged out his own eyes with his long razor sharp fingernails because he could not bear the ugliness of the earthling women of that date.

After he had done so, he was invited by filmmaker Quentin Tarantino to audition for the role of Oedipus in a modern remake of the Greek myth that the writer and director was thinking of making.

Meanwhile Jason wearing a goalie mask had cut off his own head when he saw the ugliness of the women- a feat for which he was invited to audition for a new TV show in which Simon Cowell would be a judge- The Islamic State’s Got Talent.

Pan Goatee meanwhile was reaching for the nuclear button in the White House. The satyr had reached the drastic conclusion that the only way the beauty of the universe could be saved is if he blew planet Earth to Kingdom Come.

Pan Goatee pushed the button as Barack Obama inwardly sobbed, “Why did he do that just before my order of Little Caesar’s Pizza was about to arrive at the White House?”.

The earth was blown to Kingdom Come.

The voice of Rod Serling (host of The Twilight Zone and Night Gallery) could be heard above the roar of the atomic mushroom cloud making a shredded cabbage cole slaw out of planet Earth:

“For that, Mr. Pan Goatee, Darth Vader thanks you.
Hillary Clinton doesn’t.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 25th 2016

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Belvedere and The Nazi-Soviet Pact

August 24, 2016 at 4:27 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Poetry, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

On August 23rd 1939, Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander was working as a performer in a Berlin cabaret that was in danger of being closed by the Nazis due to what Josef Goebbels considered subversive activity inside.

As Belvedere was about to begin performing, he was informed of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact also known as the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact in Moscow- which guaranteed a pact of non-aggression between the Nazi and Soviet regimes.

Belvedere decided to change his song from Der Fuhrer Has A Stupid Moustache and Haircut (which was a popular hit with the cabaret’s subversive audiences) to a song that would parody the recent signing of the pact between Hitler and Stalin.

Belvedere appeared on stage as the Ghost White Salamander of the New World (since he was the ghost of a ghost white salamander from the New World) and started singing:

Only yesterday, yes it was only yesterday
Naziism was the anti-Communist way
Communism was the anti-Fascist way
Hitler and Stalin would not dance
and in one another’s arms lay
but alas, that was yesterday

Now Hitler with his bad haircut
and Stalin with his vodka shaped gut
will leave the rest of the world in a rut
Yes, Stalin with his moustache bushy like a walrus
and Hitler who looks like someone who just fell off the bus
will now kiss and make up
two devils will now sup
what blood will now flow from this cup
when opposing serpents dance together
you can expect stormy weather
Blood showers are called for
innocent people will hit the floor
in the Hitlerian-Stalinesque bath of gore….

At that moment, Belvedere’s performance came to an end as the cabaret was raided by irate looking members of the Gestapo.

Fortunately for Belvedere, since he was a ghost, he was able to vanish into thin air.

Patrons in the audience weren’t so lucky.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 23rd 2016.

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Justin Trudeau Meets Gali-Gula

August 18, 2016 at 12:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Politics, Satire, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had promised to legalize marijuana if he was elected. And last year he was elected. So Justin figured he better legalize marijuana.

He decided there was nothing like taking a personal approach to an issue. So today on the 39th Anniversary of Elvis’ death, he decided to try smoking marijuana until smoke was coming out of his ears.

As his aide opened the door, the smoke was indeed coming out of the Prime Minister’s ears.

“Prime Minister, what are you doing?” his aide asked.

“I’m doing a one-man personal investigation into studying the effects of marijuana,” Justin replied.

“But Prime Minister, you have a major speech to deliver within an hour,” his aide pointed out.

“I already wrote it,” Justin handed him his speech.

20 minutes later, his aide contacted the organization Justin was to address and told them that the Prime Minister had come down with a rare summer cold and wouldn’t be available to speak tonight.

. . .

As Justin Trudeau slept off the aftereffects of his one-man personal investigation of the after-effects of smoking marijuana, he woke up and saw a pair of glowing red ET gray buns in his face.

“Holy smoking hot buns, Batman,” Justin spoke a line that would have fit right in with the lingo of the popular Batman television series of the 1960s.

“That I have,” Gali-Gula the ET gray (whose body was inhabited by the ghost of the late Roman Emperor Caligula) agreed as he turned around.

“Good God,” Justin Trudeau said as he looked at the creature, “you’re gray in colour, you look like ET in appearance, you’re nude and you’re not wearing any panties.”

“That’s true,” Gali-Gula admitted, “although Caitlyn Jenner has promised to take me shopping the next time I visit Beverly Hills.”

“What do you want with me?” Justin asked while blinking at the ET gray in the same manner that Chief Commissioner Dreyfus blinked at Inspector Clouseau in the old Blake Edwards Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers and Herbert Lom.

“I wish to take a contemporary world leader back to Planet Nibiru for dissection,” Gali-Gula explained.

“But I’m too young to die,” Justin protested, “to say nothing of the fact that I haven’t achieved my goal of having one million selfies of myself taken while topless and posing with bedazzled Canadians and having them posted on Facebook.”

“That is indeed probably a worthy goal,” Gali-Gula was impressed by the young politician’s erstwhile political goals, “I’ll fly over to Moscow and see if the sometimes topless Russian leader will be more accommodating to the idea of a one-way trip to Nibiru.”

“Please do,” Justin felt relieved.

“By the way, do you have any ice I can put on my rear end to cool off my glowing red hot buns that were recently tomatoed by world famous Earthling dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes?” Gali-Gula asked.

“Well, I don’t know about ice but I do have a few ice cold bottles of Molson’s Canadian Beer that I can stick on your rear end,” Justin rose from his couch and approached the refrigerator.

And so Gali-Gula sat with his buttocks on a couple of bottles of Molson’s Canadian Beer while holding in his hands and sipping a large cup of Tim Horton’s Double Double Coffee..

Gali-Gula and the Canadian Prime Minister then discussed world history.

When Gali-Gula mentioned that as Roman Emperor Caligula, he had once appointed a horse to the Roman Senate, Justin looked out the window and noticed that former Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s horse was once again eating the roses in his garden. Harper’s horse never ate the roses in Harper’s garden but only in Trudeau’s garden.

“You just gave me an idea,” Justin grinned, “I always wondered where I could stick Harper’s horse.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 16th 2016.

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The Dance of Shiva

August 17, 2016 at 12:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

August 13th 1944- German physicist Franz von Papen was doing experiments in his Berlin laboratory with sound.

His thesis: He was going to try to see if he could use sound to split the atom.

If he could, then the Reich would have no need for uranium or heavy water cooling plants to produce an atomic bomb.

What would produce this sound that would split the atom?

Von Papen had in front of him a Western musically inscribed transcript of the melody of A Hymn To Chaos that had been sung in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery for thousands of years.

And the musical instrument he’d use to produce the sound of music of this Hymn To Chaos?

After much research on the subject, he decided on the theremin.

The theremin invented by Russian inventor Leon Theremin in 1920.

Von Papen excitedly opened the box containing the theremin.

It was empty.

The seller of musical instruments had forgotten to pack the instrument.

The physicist angrily got on the phone to the instrument seller.

August 17th 1944- The theremin had finally arrived.

Quickly von Papen put down his music notes (the western inscribed musical transcript of the Tibetan Buddhist Hymn To Chaos) and started playing the theremin.

To his shock, a small image of the Hindu deity Shiva appeared in the room and started dancing.

Von Papen stopped playing the theremin and the image stopped dancing and disappeared.

Von Papen now had something he could show the Fuhrer.

Von Papen wrote down some notes and mailed them to a distant cousin of his.

He then got on the phone to the Office of The Fuhrer- a phone that had been tapped by MI6.

Von Papen was immediately invited to the Fuhrer’s office that night to demonstrate what he had discovered.

As Von Papen left his laboratory that afternoon, he was promptly assassinated by an operative operating for MI6 in Berlin.

. , .

Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper had been contacted by the United States government.

They were anxious to get a score of musical notes that had been in the possession of a relative of his- a musicologist.

The musicologist had left the notes to his young relative Walter when he heard that Walter was entering the priesthood.

He felt that the notes would be safe with a priest.

Kasper had never bothered to read the notes.

He was surprised when the U.S. government offered him money for them.

The U.S. State Department had told him that the notes were for the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C.

Kasper would not take the money for himself (Pope Francis frowned on such things!) but he told the State Department to give the money to his favourite charity.

The Cardinal sat in a Roman cafe waiting for the U.S. government representative to show up.

Out of nowhere suddenly appeared in front of him a man with a goatee beard wearing a mink fur hat on his head and Hawaiian shorts showing very hairy legs.

The man resembled images and pictures he had seen of the Greek satyr god Pan.

“Here’s the money for your favourite charity, your Eminence,” Pan Goatee put a briefcase on the table.

“I’ve got my distant relative’s musical scores right here,” the Cardinal reached down for his portfolio case.

It was gone.

As Pan Goatee and the Cardinal looked around for signs of the portfolio attache case, a hamster was seen scurrying down the streets of Rome carrying a portfolio attache case.

. . .

In a hotel room in Rome as Renfield R. Renfield was getting a massage from a young masseuse who was a deadringer for the young Sophia Loren as she would have appeared in movies of the 1950s and ’60s, he was on the phone.

“Yes,” said Renfield, “I have the attache case.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 13th 2016.

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Rory MacCrory Meets Mae West: A Poem

August 16, 2016 at 12:07 pm (Humour, Movies, Poetry) (, , , , )

Way up high in the glomin’
far north of that wall built by Roman
Rory MacCrory was out strollin’ in the glen
lookin’ for a wee bonnie goat called Len
who did escape from his bonnie goat pen

“Len!” “Len!” Rory did call
but no sign of a goat at all

The wind was now blowin’ in the heather
and Rory found in his hair an eagle feather
“Some wee bonnie bird has lost its tail!”
said Rory, “and I don’t think it’s quail.”

“Anybody remember the name of Bush Sr.’s Vice-Prez?”
The tour bus guide asked the man in the fez.
When the man shook his head,
the bus no longer sped
for at the top of the hill, the bus ran out of gas
for the tour group, this would turn out to be quite the pain in the ass

The bus unloaded and around they stood
like Sassanachs waiting for Rob Roy- Scotland’s Robin Hood
Among the group was a young woman who looked like Mae West
quite appropriate- she was a nymphomaniac at best

Along came Rory in his kilt
which seemed to have quite the tilt
Mae greeted him, “My good man,
can you please give me a hand?”.
Said Rory adjusting his sporran,
“I can give you more than that, Ma’am..”

“Oh please do,” Mae West shouted with joy
inviting him to explore her canyon- this debonair Rob Roy

It turned out Miss West and the Highlander’s morals were quite loose
you never know what to expect in the Highlands- eagle, quail or a free goose.

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday August 14th 2016.

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Gali-Gula The ET Gray: A Song: A Poem

August 15, 2016 at 12:46 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

When it comes to UFO abductions, there’s a fellow who’s a real pain in the rear
His name is Gali-Gula and he grins from ear to ear
He’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

A debauched Roman Emperor
who wound up devoid of klemperor
he’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

He took a pee in the corner one night
drinking martinis before flying- not so bright
when Sherrielock Holmes saw him in the nude
and finding this rather rude
to say nothing of being crude
she tomatoed him black and blued

Now his buns are aglow like a laser beam
his galaxial reputation come apart at the seam

But he still smiles by the dawn’s early light
although his tomatoed buns be a frightful sight
he was still smiling when he fell over unconscious
his buns as red as those old Bolsheviks obnoxious

Sherrielock Holmes left him lying there
but stopped at the mirror to brush her hair
and then the leather skirted dominatrix vanished out of sight
with the ET gray’s buttocks still glowing bright
NASA and DARPA got there in the dead of night
by which time the ETs took Gali out of sight

-An erotic BDSM science-fiction poem
(a la Anne Rice as A,N. Roquelaure meets Ray Bradbury)
written by Christopher
Sunday August 14th 2016.

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Pan Goatee To The Rescue Again

August 13, 2016 at 12:44 pm (Humour, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee whose profession was U.S. government contract assassin and whose hobby was serial killing (he specialized in killing ugly looking women to make the world a more beautiful place to live) happened to wander by the blood analysis laboratory on the third floor of a hospital.

As he gazed into the waiting room, he happened to notice an enormously chubby and fat repulsive ugly looking woman trying to brush her elephantesque legs against some poor snook who clearly did not enjoy the physical contact with such a fat repulsive ugly looking creature.

The poor snook went over to the water fountain to try to escape the fat ugly thing’s advances and the fat repulsive ugly creature (who was wearing an I’m For Hillary campaign button- no surprise to Pan Goatee!) followed him over there.

Pan Goatee positively boiled over with Nietzschean (Oscar) Wildean Apollonian (Apollo the Greek god of beauty) aesthetic rage at the sight.

Ugly women clearly have no regard for other people’s feelings, Pan Goatee thought to himself (if they did, they’d sequester themselves in a dark cave somewhere where no one would have to look at them).

Quickly Pan Goatee entered the lab analysis waiting room, pulled out his machette and lopped off the fat ugly repulsive creature’s fat ugly head.

He then picked up the head and as careful as Perseus was in handling Medusa’s head, he entered one of the waiting room washrooms and flushed the fat ugly head down the toilet. When the toilet started overflowing, Pan Goatee closed the washroom door and grabbed an OUT OF ORDER sign and put it on the washroom door.

“How can I ever thank you?” The poor snook was forever grateful to Pan Goatee.

“All in a day’s work, my boy,” Pan Goatee doffed his mink fur hat, “part of my ongoing fight to make the world a more beautiful and aesthetically pleasing place. So that one day all of God’s children will be able to sing with perfect sincerity the lyrics of that beautiful Louis Armstrong song What A Wonderful World.”

Pan Goatee then exited out the waiting room door and went out into the wider world beyond.

“Who was that man with hairy goat’s legs?” The poor snook asked in amazement.

“I believe that was Pan Goatee a U.S. government contract assassin and well-known serial killer of ugly looking women,” the somewhat relieved and quite grateful for her attractive looks waiting room nurse stated, “I saw him on the Jimmy Kimmel Show last year.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 10th 2016.

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Gali-Gula: From Roman Emperor To ET

August 12, 2016 at 12:56 pm (Fantasy, Ghost Story, History, Humour, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

To his surprise, the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula found himself being assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard on January 24th, 41 AD.

His last words were, “A horse. The Roman Senate for a horse. Where is the noblest Senator of them all? A true neigh-sayer as opposed to nay sayer..”

He then gave up the ghost.

Members of the Praetorian Guard ran off in search of some Caligulan Mark Antony who would come to bury Caligula rather than to praise him.

At that moment, a UFO (although the ancient Romans called them a flying chariot) hovered over Caligula’s dead body.

“This appears to be the leader,” said one ET gray to the other.

“But they just killed him,” said the other ET gray.

“It saves on the cost of a re-election campaign obviously,” the UFO commander stated.

The UFO then beamed up the dead body into the UFO.

“We’ll take it back to our planet for examination,” stated the UFO commander.

“Over my dead body,” Caligula’s ghost followed his body into the UFO.

On Planet Nibiru, Caligula’s body was dissected in a lab while Caligula’s ghost watched singing a sad mournful melody (whose lyrics he later shared with Patsy Kline), “I fall to pieces…”

Finally Niburu’s top scientist took pity on Caligula’s poor ghost and invited him to enter the frozen ET gray body of a long dead Niburuan king.

The Niburuan king who was dying of an incurable disease had his body frozen in the hopes that Niburuan medical science would find a cure for his disease.

TransNiburuan scientists who were convinced they could stumble on immortality by merging Niburuan and machine together creating niborgs worked on a solution.

Unfortunately TransNiburuan scientists put all their data in one computer.

As the leading TransNiburuan scientist watched (while sitting on and crushing the one basket where Transniburuan scientists had put all their eggs for lunch), the computer had its plug pulled by a drunken Niburuan otter who had drunk too much Otter Brew (apparently otters on Nibiru were as mischievous as their counterparts on Earth).

The resulting fiasco led to a century of TransNiburuan scientific data being lost as well as the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters being lifted.

And now Caligula’s ghost entered the long dead Niburuan king’s body as the scientist threw a switch bringing the body back to life with Caligula’s ghost inside.

It worked.

As the scientist ran to tell his colleagues that he had re-discovered one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan scientific technology, he opened the door and not seeing the drunken otter lying there, he tripped over it, fell down the stairs and broke his neck.

So one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan technology was again lost.

And the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters was once again lifted.

The nude ET gray (with Caligula’s ghost inside) became the commander of the Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter.

Calling himself by his earthly name Caligula, the former Roman Emperor now an ET gray visited Earth. He visited the jungles of Borneo in the Malaysian province of Sarawak where he encountered a little Earthling girl.

“I am Caligula,” the ET gray pointed to himself.

“Gali-Gula,” replied the little girl who could not pronounce Caligula, “You nude. You not wearing any panties. You pervert.”

“Sherrie,” a female voice called out to the little girl.

“Andromeda,” a male voice called out to the little girl.

“Sherrie,” the female voice became a lot more insistent in its tone.

The little girl ran back into the jungle.

And Caligula the former Roman Emperor now re-named Gali-Gula the ET gray stood by himself.

How did the little girl know that he was a pervert? Gali-Gula (formerly Caligula) wondered to himself.

Had one so young read Suetonius’s The Lives of The Twelve Caesars?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th 2016.

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Wilkie The Cat: Master Spy: A Poem

August 11, 2016 at 12:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

Wilkie The Cat was hired by the CIA
because the admissions director was having an off day
His first mission was to go to Berlin
and steal a captured Mid-Eastern jinn
held in a vodka bottle in the Russian Embassy
The jinn when taken would be
subject to DARPA scrutiny
replacing Men That Stare At Goats fantasy

Mitzi meanwhile was hired by Putin
because Kremlin cats thought her a cutin’
She would guard the jinn in the bottle
and give would-be robbers a throttle

Wilkie came crashing through the Embassy window
and wondered if his feat was captured on video
Mitzi said, “Wilkie, it’s you.”
Wilkie admitted, “That’s very true.”
That both were now spies tickled them pink
and they decided to have a drink

Wilkie took off a paw one of his sock-a
and decided to open up the vodka
And in doing so, the jinn did escape
and flew around Berlin driving Merkel ape

So both DARPA and the Russians lost out on the jinn
and for the fiasco, Trump blamed Hillary’s email sin.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday August 1st 2016.

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