Gali-Gula: From Roman Emperor To ET

August 12, 2016 at 12:56 pm (Fantasy, Ghost Story, History, Humour, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

To his surprise, the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula found himself being assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard on January 24th, 41 AD.

His last words were, “A horse. The Roman Senate for a horse. Where is the noblest Senator of them all? A true neigh-sayer as opposed to nay sayer..”

He then gave up the ghost.

Members of the Praetorian Guard ran off in search of some Caligulan Mark Antony who would come to bury Caligula rather than to praise him.

At that moment, a UFO (although the ancient Romans called them a flying chariot) hovered over Caligula’s dead body.

“This appears to be the leader,” said one ET gray to the other.

“But they just killed him,” said the other ET gray.

“It saves on the cost of a re-election campaign obviously,” the UFO commander stated.

The UFO then beamed up the dead body into the UFO.

“We’ll take it back to our planet for examination,” stated the UFO commander.

“Over my dead body,” Caligula’s ghost followed his body into the UFO.

On Planet Nibiru, Caligula’s body was dissected in a lab while Caligula’s ghost watched singing a sad mournful melody (whose lyrics he later shared with Patsy Kline), “I fall to pieces…”

Finally Niburu’s top scientist took pity on Caligula’s poor ghost and invited him to enter the frozen ET gray body of a long dead Niburuan king.

The Niburuan king who was dying of an incurable disease had his body frozen in the hopes that Niburuan medical science would find a cure for his disease.

TransNiburuan scientists who were convinced they could stumble on immortality by merging Niburuan and machine together creating niborgs worked on a solution.

Unfortunately TransNiburuan scientists put all their data in one computer.

As the leading TransNiburuan scientist watched (while sitting on and crushing the one basket where Transniburuan scientists had put all their eggs for lunch), the computer had its plug pulled by a drunken Niburuan otter who had drunk too much Otter Brew (apparently otters on Nibiru were as mischievous as their counterparts on Earth).

The resulting fiasco led to a century of TransNiburuan scientific data being lost as well as the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters being lifted.

And now Caligula’s ghost entered the long dead Niburuan king’s body as the scientist threw a switch bringing the body back to life with Caligula’s ghost inside.

It worked.

As the scientist ran to tell his colleagues that he had re-discovered one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan scientific technology, he opened the door and not seeing the drunken otter lying there, he tripped over it, fell down the stairs and broke his neck.

So one of the secrets of long lost Transniburuan technology was again lost.

And the planet’s moratorium on hunting otters was once again lifted.

The nude ET gray (with Caligula’s ghost inside) became the commander of the Niburuan UFO ship The Gunterpunter.

Calling himself by his earthly name Caligula, the former Roman Emperor now an ET gray visited Earth. He visited the jungles of Borneo in the Malaysian province of Sarawak where he encountered a little Earthling girl.

“I am Caligula,” the ET gray pointed to himself.

“Gali-Gula,” replied the little girl who could not pronounce Caligula, “You nude. You not wearing any panties. You pervert.”

“Sherrie,” a female voice called out to the little girl.

“Andromeda,” a male voice called out to the little girl.

“Sherrie,” the female voice became a lot more insistent in its tone.

The little girl ran back into the jungle.

And Caligula the former Roman Emperor now re-named Gali-Gula the ET gray stood by himself.

How did the little girl know that he was a pervert? Gali-Gula (formerly Caligula) wondered to himself.

Had one so young read Suetonius’s The Lives of The Twelve Caesars?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th 2016.

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9 Comments

  1. Hyperion said,

    Bah waaah haaaa haaaa! This was pure Gali-Guka gold. Loved the winks to Sherrie and Jeffery. I’m just glad I didn’t have a mouth full of pork bbq sammich or my screen would look like road kill. Great stuff, Chris. 😂

    • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

      The best this one, isn’t it, Daniel?
      I cannot stop laughing.
      Did you read Part 2 already`?
      I believed, that before Chris wrote this story, he must have ate too much of those mushroom soup. LOL

      • Hyperion said,

        Hahaaaahaaa! I’m sure the soup heloed a lot 😀 I have to go see part 2.

  2. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    Thanks very much, Daniel. 😀

    Yes, there would have been more road kill on the information highway. LOL !

  3. shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

    Just got here!
    wah hahahaha … the best! The best! Really!
    I cannot stop laughing.
    Geeeezzzzz, Chris!
    Did you ate too much magic mushrooms, lately?
    Or even smoke it???
    wah hahaha … Gosh!
    LOL

    Hold on there … got to take some tissues to wipe off my endless tears. I have not laugh so much like tonight! LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I just noticed your comment from a year ago.

      WordPress never informed me.

      Yes, I probably smoked magic mushrooms while writing this.

      About to write another Gali-Gula story and that’s why I looked at this one from the past where I noticed your comment.

      • shєrríє dє vαlєríα said,

        Hey there, Chris!
        Notification glitch in WP. Happened often this way. Missing this place, really.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Notification Gremlins at WP need their buns tomatoed by Sherrielock Holmes so they can get their act together! LOL !

  4. Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead! | Dracul Van Helsing said,

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